#SPConfessions: 'Mabait Si Hubby, Medyo Manipulative Lang Siya Pagdating Sa Career Ko'

Ang kwentong ito ay hango sa isang tunay na #SPConfessions na ipinadala sa amin sa Smart Parenting Village. Ang ilang mga detalye ay bahagya naming binago upang bigyang proteksyon ang nagpadala nito.

Communicating with your partner is not always easy. For some, even though they have been married for a couple of years, there are still things that are difficult to articulate. Sometimes, being able to express our thoughts and feelings can lessen the load and give us a head start on discussing matters with our partners.

A mom who is a member of the Facebook group, Smart Parenting Village, did just that. She shared in the group a letter that she wrote for her husband, as she's not yet ready to express it to him directly. By doing so, she was able to receive advice from other parent members who could relate to her situation.

Smart Parenting made some edits in her letter for clarity.

#SPConfessions: Mom writes letter to husband who seems unsupportive of her career

Dear Hubby,

16 years na tayo with 3 kids. Nagsimula sa pagiging college friends, ngayon, tatlo na anak natin. Although alam ko naman na due to financial reasons kaya hindi pa tayo nakakasal, parang naiisip ko lang, pakasal na tayo kasi nakakahiya na sa mga bata pag nalalaman nila na di pa pala tayo kasal.

Hindi naman ako naghahanap. Akala ko okay tayo eh. Mabait ka, wala kang naging babae, wala kang bisyo, family-oriented kang tao. 'Yung sweldo mo, nauubos sa needs ng family natin. Marunong ka makisama sa mga kapatid at family ko, at higit sa lahat napapatawa mo ako.

Pero ngayon ko lang na-realize, nakakasakal pala. Kapag ayaw ng partner mo 'yung career na tinatahak mo. Ayaw mo na maging nurse ako sa ospital kasi rotation ang shifts, hindi tayo makakagala kapag weekend kasi may pasok ako.

'Yung gusto ko bumalik sa pagoospital, pero alam kong sasama ang loob mo. Kasi sabi mo, maliit na nga lang ang sweldo ko, pagod pa ako. Ang gusto mo, mag-work from home ako katulad mo, sa BPO para mas malaki ang sweldo at maaasikaso ko pa kayo ng mga bata.

Pero hindi mo ako tinanong kung gusto ko ba nun. For five years, nasa bahay ako para mag-breastfeed kay bunso. Na-realize ko noon na gusto ko i-pursue ang nursing career ko. Ngayon, na-start ko na, kaso ang hirap kasi ayaw mo pala talaga nito para sa akin. Sabi mo, okay lang, pero alam kong galit ka.

Pinupush mo ako na mag-abroad tayo since US-registered nurse na ako, pero ayaw mo akong mag-ospital sa Pinas.

Sabi mo, mag-clinical instructor ako sa malaking schools sa Manila. Sabi ko naman, hindi pa ako ready. Pwede bang mag-gain muna ako ng experience sa current school ko dito sa province. Nagalit ka, sabi mo, ang dami kong kinatatakutan.

Hindi ko naman pinilit na mag-aral ka magluto kasi sabi mo ayaw mo.

Hindi din naman kita pinilit na kumuha tayo ng katulong kasi sabi mo ayaw mo ng stranger sa bahay.

Pinahinto mo yung tutor ng mga bata kasi sabi mo ituloy ko na lang pagtututor pag ako ang nasa bahay kasi wala ka time mag-asikaso.

Hindi naman kita pinipilit mag-resign sa work mo kahit for ilang years hindi sumapat yung sweldo mo, kasi sabi mo masaya ka dyan.

Hindi ko masabi sa'yo, kasi hindi ka naman confrontational. Sabi mo, okay, gawin ko na lang 'yung gusto kong gawin, pero galit ka.

All this time na-realize ko, hindi pala sapat na walang bisyo, walang babae.

Thankful naman ako na ganyan si hubby. Pero mahalaga pa din pala na naiintindihan ni hubby kung ano ang gusto mo sa buhay. 'Yung tanggap ka niya and dreams mo for your own personal growth. Hindi yung pinupush ka nya sa mga bagay na ayaw mo naman gawin.

Mabait si hubby. Medyo manipulative lang siya sa career ko.

Anonymous mom

Reactions to mom's letter to unsupportive hubby

In the comment section, moms and dads in the Smart Parenting Village shared their thoughts.

Some said that her husband was just being practical. A mom pointed out that sometimes parents should set aside their personal goals for the betterment of the family. However, another mom said, "Ilang years ba dapat i-set aside ng mother ang sarili niya para sa mga anak? Isa, dalawa, tatlong taon, regardless kung ilan man yan, I think if a mother feels like she should also build a life outside of her family, that has nothing to do with her partner and kids."

READ ALSO: To You Who Had To Put Your Kids First Before Your Career, This SAHM Reminds, 'Hindi Lahat Ng Achievement Nasa Papel'

Another one said it's a matter of prioritizing. She advised the anonymous mom to try the work-from-home job now that her kids are still young, and then pursue her nursing career when she's more able. "Nasa pag-uusap niyo pong dalawa yan," she advises.

One mom made her point, "It's very important that we, moms, have our own identities outside marriage. Or else, we'll lose ourselves. Yakap na mahigpit po!"

READ ALSO: To You Who Felt Like You've Lost Yourself, Iya Villania Says, 'Find Yourself Again'

Another one advised the mom to send the letter to her husband, "Do not keep this big problem all to yourself. Your partner needs to know, and please do not carry the responsibility of not offending or hurting your partner. You have to be honest with him for your sake and your kids' sake."

What's your advice to the anonymous mom? Join the conversation here.

Read about the 8 conversations you need to constantly have with your spouse here.