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For 22 Years, I Took The Blame For My Husband's Cheating And Emotional Abuse
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  • Motherhood can be a lonely job. What helps moms is a community that listens and gives voice to their joy, fears, and pain. She isn't always looking for answers — sometimes, it's about crying and screaming at the top of her lungs without judgment. We call it an #SPconfession.

    I met my husband when I was 16 years old. He was my first boyfriend, and my first everything.

    He started cheating when our first child turned 3 years old. He went from one girl to another — a student, bar girl, his co-worker, my kumare, and even a married woman.

    Every time he cheated, I would go home to my family because I could not take it. Each time, he begged for me to come back, changed his ways, and made an effort to make our relationship work.

    I lost myself. For 22 years, I took all the blame, and I questioned my worth. I was broken inside and out, an emotionally abused wife.

    The repeated betrayal and rejection made me lose confidence — I was a doormat.

    I could not understand myself — what am I? What am I living for? I just went through each day as a supportive, enabler wife.

    Nevertheless, I woke up each day with a purpose: to be a mother to my children. I went to work, I provided for my family because they are my reason to live.

    In 2018, I finally had enough. I had to tell my two adult children that their father — whom they looked up to, idolized, and loved — was a cheater. I broke their heart; they had no idea what was going on the past 22 years.

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    After that, I had to slowly rebuild myself. Despite being a successful career woman and holding an executive position, I was struggling from many years of emotional abuse. I was a total wreck.

    Every time I caught my husband cheating, I went through therapy believing I was the problem and that I needed to be fixed. Meanwhile, my husband moved on immediately — he found a new partner, got her pregnant, and was loud and proud of their relationship.

    My children also struggled with the separation. Both suffered depression. Like me, they went through therapy to process what happened.

    I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks, sleepless nights, and posttraumatic stress disorder. I could not accept the fact that after many years of choosing to stay and fight for our marriage, it still ended this way.

    How I recovered from the pain

    I found myself just in time before my sanity gave up on me. I surrendered and I chose to forgive.

    We live in an imperfect world and we cannot control other people’s choices. Otherwise, we will just end up frustrated.

    For all women who had been cheated on, our stories may be unique and varied, but one thing consistent in our experiences is that we choose to have faith. The world can be very difficult, but with a leap of faith, this will all make sense.

    I am a work in progress. Every day I remind myself to fight the battle raging inside me and to look after the people who matter. I may not be at my best right now but I am able to take a step forward despite the uncertainties.

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    If you are going through rough times, I am rooting for you. Cry if you must, do whatever you want so you can process and face the reality. You have all the right to feel anything you want. Let each pain fill you, consume you, and then let it go.

    Don’t let anybody make you cruel, no matter how badly you want them to taste their own medicine. I believe God will use your pain for good.

    Remember: You are beautifully made regardless of your scars.

    Edited for spelling, punctuation, grammar, and formatting.

    Do you have an #SPconfession? Send it to ourFacebook Messenger or email at smartparentingsubmissions@gmail.com. Join us at the Smart Parenting Village here. For more confessions, read here.

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