Hulaan At Payabangan–4 Things To Stop Doing For A Better Marriage

All of us are mature enough to understand that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. It takes hard work for any marriage to succeed.

But, is there a way that we can improve our marriage or our relationship with our partners?

Dreus and Love Cosio of TheCoShowPh share insights on what it takes to improve a marriage. They have revealed four things they have stopped doing in their relationship that have contributed to a happier and healthier marriage.

Here’s what they shared:

Stop playing guessing games

“Yun maghuhulaan kayo sa feelings niyo.

“Hulaan kayo kung OK pa ba kayo.

“Hulaan kayo kung ano nangyaring OK.

“Hulaan na lang kayo lagi.”

The first thing that the couple shared that they stopped doing was to stop playing guessing games when it came to their feelings. Couples can often fall into the trap of assuming their partner’s emotions or thoughts without proper communication. This can then lead to misunderstandings, pent-up frustrations, and conflicts. The Cosios emphasize the importance of open and honest communication. Rather than guessing, they advise couples to talk to each other, ask questions, and actively listen to their partner’s feelings and concerns.

Sarah Epstein, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Philadelphia and Dallas, says, “Communication is what keeps couples on the same page and feeling like they are solving problems together rather than against one another.” And effective communication enables partners to disagree in productive, respectful ways, she adds.

Embrace intimacy

“Pwede naman mag-resist ng sex kung talagang pagod.

“Pero ang intimacy, pwede pa rin mag-hug, mag-kiss, and mag-show ng affection.”

The couple’s second advice is for couples to stop resisting intimacy. They further clarified this by saying that while it’s OK for couples to decline sex if they are not in the mood for it, other forms of affection or physical contact should be maintained. Simple acts of love, like hugging, or quick kisses can also keep the emotional connection strong.

Relationship expert Dr. Laura Berman advice couples to make time for cuddles. She says, “Commit to 15 minutes [a day], three times a week where you’re kissing and cuddling. No technology other than music, and it cannot be a preamble to sex.”

“When you have the opportunity to kiss and cuddle and talk about things other than the logistics of your lives, you have each other’s undivided attention and can get into the sensual connection as well as the emotional connection, that really fuels worth and desire.”

Stop spending to impress

“We stopped spending on things to impress other people.

“Kahit single, problema na yan eh.

“Pero yung couples, ginagawa pa rin yan.

“Stop impressing people.“Start focusing on your own journey together.”

It’s easy to get caught up in trying to outdo others in terms of material possessions and lavish experiences in our consumer-driven society. However, this external pressure can create financial strain and take the focus away from the core relationship. It can even be the cause of disagreements.

David Bach, co-founder of AE Wealth Management and nine-time bestselling author says that couples should be aligned in terms of values. He says, “First, look at your values. Determine the true purpose of money in your life… When your values are clear, your financial decisions become easy. What holds people back from making the right decisions is that they are just not clear. A lot of people don’t realize that they are spending money in conflict with their values. When you align the way you spend and save with your values, you’ll have a purposeful life.”

Ditch the scoreboard

“Stop doing scoreboards.

“Sino mas magaling?

“Sino mas maraming kinikita?

“Sino ang mas mahalagang role?

“Kasi parehong husband and wife may important role sa married life at sa family life.”

Couples often find themselves comparing their roles, contributions, or achievements, which can lead to unhealthy competition and resentment in the marriage or relationship. Stop this and remember that you are a team.

Experts say that “needing to be right or constantly competing with your partner is detrimental to your relationship. Too frequently,scorekeeping leads to hard feelings. It increases tension and fear and reduces trust.”

Dr. John Gottman, a well-known psychologist in the field of relationships, emphasizes the importance of turning towards each other rather than away. He suggests that couples should focus on being supportive and appreciating each other's roles within the relationship. Instead of keeping score, express gratitude for the efforts both partners put into the marriage.

It is also important to remember that while these tips can be helpful, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Open communication, love, and mutual respect remain the cornerstones of a successful and lasting marriage. And if you find yourself facing challenges in your relationship, don’t hesitate to seek guidance and support from family, friends, or professionals.