‘I’m Falling Out Of Love With My Husband At Hindi Na Ako Masaya,’ Mom Asks For Help On Rekindling The Spark

Marriage is not always a smooth journey, and there can be times when one or both partners can feel disconnected and seemingly lost in the relationship. One parent raised this heartfelt concern in the Smart Parenting Village, asking:

“What do you do if you’re falling out of love with your husband? No other guys were involved. Yung wala ka nalang talagang ganang tumabi, mag-make love. Hindi ko ma-explain but hindi na ako masaya tulad ng dati.”

To address this sense of loss that is seemingly caused not by an external factor but an internal void, other parents chipped in their opinions and advice based on their own experiences. Here are a few of them:

1. Build intimacy

One parent advised that reconnecting with your partner is the first step, “You need to reconnect. Build intimacy. Start by telling him how you feel.” Engaging in honest communication about one’s feelings is crucial. Doing so doesn’t imply a flaw in one partner but rather shows a need for mutual effort in working on the relationship.

2. Reflection and personal growth

Another parent emphasized the importance of working on oneself, urging the original poster to initiate affection and shared activities, which could lead to a more fulfilling relationship dynamic.

“One thing you should work on is you. I’m not saying your husband is perfect. I just feel that since you are the one saying you’re falling out of love, you must be doing the work, like asking him things in the hopes of him asking you back, or initiating sex instead of waiting for him, or asking to do things with him. You have to open up to him and tell him what he can do to make your marriage work.”

3. Revive old memories

Another parent recommended, “Try niyo gawin yung mga bagay na ginagawa niyo dati, kung ano yung mga nakakapagpasaya at nakakapagpatawa inyo. Pumunta kayo sa places na pinupuntahan niyong dalawa nung wala pa kayong anak para ma-remind din kayo ng mga feelings niyo.”

Revisiting activities and places that were meaningful in the relationship can remind couples of the love and bond they shared, perhaps even rekindling emotions and shared laughter.

“Choosing to stand by them during struggles and conflicts is a true sign of love. This is the essence of meaningful relationships: choosing to love even when it’s tough.”

4. Identify unmet needs

A commenter asked, “Alamin mo yung reason bakit wala kang gana, ano ba yung need mo na hindi niya nabibigay?”

The original poster replied, giving further insight on her situation, “Hindi siya [husband] sweet. Hindi siya yung tipo ng asawa na mag-plan ng something for us, hindi siya tulad ng ibang daddy na gumagawa ng kahit simpleng pakulo kapag weekends for us and the kids, hindi nagyayaya. Parang lahat na kinahiya pero most naman ng dads eh ganon. Kapag nag-aaway, sinusumbatan din ako since wala akong work.”

She then shared her own insight: “Nasagot mo din tanong mo kung bakit, because wala kang work and nacocompare mo husband mo sa iba. My husband is the same as yours, mag-16 years na kami pero never pa naman ako na-fall out of love sa kanya. Yung mga hindi ginagawa ng husband ko sa mga kids namin, ako ang gumagawa. Dine-date ko our kids nang hindi siya kasama. Try to have a heart to heart talk with your husband.”

5. Actively communicate expectations and needs

Another parent highlighted how clueless most men can be when it comes to the emotional needs of their partners, saying, “Kelangan mo yan sabihin sa kanya, karamihan sa lalaki clueless talaga pagdating sa needs natin. Ngayon, kapag sinabi mo na at wala pa din siyang ginawa, pwede ka rin gumawa ng something to better yourself, like look for a job or start a business. Try to get a hobby din para huwag mo masyado tutukan ang asawa mo, try to be happy on your own.”

6. Fulfill own needs

Self-love and fulfillment is another insight that several moms pointed out. One said, “Maybe hindi mo rin mahal ang sarili mo kaya hindi ka rin makapagbigay ng love sa asawa mo. Do something that will make you happy, umpisahan mo sa sarili mo. Huwag mo iasa sa asawa mo ang happiness mo. Do something that will make you feel fulfilled and maybe then, magbago ang pananaw mo sa relationship niyo.”

Another recommended taking a break to perhaps take the opportunity to recharge, “Take a break, ang hirap magbigay if walang wala ka. Let him rethink his priorities as well. It doesn’t mean na maghihiwalay na talaga kayo. Take the time to relax your mind and maybe that will give you clarity to see his role in your life. Do it not just for yourself but also for your family’s future.

7. Pray and seek professional help

Parents also emphasized the importance of seeking professional help whether as an individual or as a couple. Counseling or therapy can offer guided support in navigating through the complexities of marriage.

Moreover, other parents highlighted the importance of prayer and faith in any marriage, saying, “Pray together and do counseling. Talk to him openly and wholeheartedly in such a way that both of you will reflect and accept each other’s weaknesses and shortcomings.”

“Talk to God, ask for assistance. Pray for your husband as well. Trust that He will help you in your marriage,” another added.

“Love is a choice and a decision because your actions determine if it lives or ends."

8. Choose love, always

Several parents also highlighted the fact that marriage is a commitment, and choosing love through everything is always a choice. “Lagi mong tatandaan na love is not just a feeling but it is also a conscious decision to stay in love with a person. Kaya if nawawala na ang spark, kelangan niyo i–rekindle ulit yung love niyo.”

Another parent acknowledged her feelings and worries and reminded her that love is a choice, “Your feeling is just fine. But remember that when you got married, you are both expected to love each other through thick or thin, or in other words, choose to love each other even during times when we least feel it.”

“Every day isn’t about feeling the same intense love we once did for our partner. Each day presents challenges we should overcome to continue loving them, even when it’s difficult to give and understand,” another acknowledged, recognizing that there are phases in marriage when love feels challenging. “Choosing to stand by them during struggles and conflicts is a true sign of love. This is the essence of meaningful relationships: choosing to love even when it’s tough.”

One parent shared a quote that resonates with her in the hopes that it will comfort the original poster, “Love is a choice and a decision because your actions determine if it lives or ends. You are in control of how you act in your relationships and how much you push past conflict and challenge. When you decide to work on communication, trust, intimacy, or emotional security, you’re choosing love.”

Every marriage journey has its own ups and downs, requiring perseverance, understanding, and an open heart from everyone. But the good thing is, couples do not have to navigate it alone. With the right support, community, and resources, those who might have “lost” their love can hope to rebuild it. As long as couples can find the courage to embrace vulnerability, initiate change, and cherish the bonds that have brought and kept them together, they can navigate through love and life’s complexities, perhaps even discovering renewed strength and joy in their commitment to each other.

Read here for tips on how to keep your marriage healthy while taking care of the kids.