How To Budget As A Couple? Try This 'We, Not Me' Mindset

When it comes to money matters in relationships, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. What works for one couple might not work for the other, and that's okay. We are all works in progress, and what matters is that we strive to find what setup works for us.

Over at the Smart Parenting Village, a Facebook group of over 110,000 parents, a mom shared how she and her husband handled their finances, thinking it was unconventional. She said that from the start of their marriage, money has always been a "we, not me" thing. It turns out that a lot of parents use the same approach, too.

Budgeting for couples: The 'We not me' mentality

"We don't just split bills. We plan them based on what we earn as a couple, not as individuals," she said.

She shared that their setup involves teamwork, transparency, and open communication. Both opinions matter for any purchase, and there is no competition regarding who earns more. 

"When we got married, I didn't have a job for about 7 months. My husband would still ask for my opinion before making any purchase, no matter how big or small, even if it's just a PHP 10 item on Lazada," she shares in an anonymous post.

"From the very onset of our marriage, money has always been a 'we' thing and never a 'me' thing."

With both of them working now, the mom shared their simple rule: It doesn't matter who earns more because they both have an equal say in how they plan to spend their money, "We've always operated with the mindset that his money is mine and my money is his," she adds.

They plan their budget based on their pooled earnings and use a spreadsheet to track all their expenses.

"I strongly believe this setup has brought us closer and helped us achieve our goals faster. It makes us feel more confident in the relationship, knowing that our opinions matter in every financial decision, no matter how big or small," the mom said.

It also made gift-giving more practical, asking what the other needs instead of surprise gifts.

Parents say they use the same budgeting setup

In the comments section, many members shared that they use the same setup in their marriages; some even said this should be the norm. 

Some moms who have experienced quitting their jobs to care for their children shared that their spouses never made them feel like they weren't contributing to the household income through this setup.

"This works best for us. I also didn't have any work for 8 years and was not able to contribute anything financially, but my husband never made me feel I had to, even now that I started working again," Mommy Din said.

A dad, meanwhile, shared that they also use a spreadsheet to track their finances: "I think this should be the norm. We na talaga, not I. Although [I suggest to] keep something for yourself to keep you happy and sane."

Mommy Irin said, "We see ourselves sa setup niyo. We're a bit traditional, nasa notebook pa lahat!" She added that they used to budget their own funds but it didn't work for them, "It might not work for everyone, but to some, it does!"

5 Tips on how to budget as a couple

In a Forbes article, budgeting as a couple requires compromise and open communication for it to work and be fair for both parties.

There are various strategies that couples can try:

• 50/30/20 rule: 50% of income goes to needs, 30% to wants, and 20% to savings or debt repayment
• zero-based budgeting: allocating every peso to a specific category
• envelope method: using cash for different expense categories
• proportional budgeting: splitting expenses based on income percentages

Whichever method you choose, here are tips that you can follow when you plan to have a shared budget:

1. Set clear financial goals.

Instead of saying, "Save money for a family vacation," try "Save Php 100,000 for local travel this November." Having a clear goal helps you focus and resist temptations that might keep you from achieving it. It is also easier to track and adjust as needed.

2. Decide what expenses are shared and personal.

Identify which expenses are shared (e.g., rent, utilities, and groceries), while personal (e.g., hobbies and entertainment). As one dad pointed out, you must still have personal money that you can spend freely without guilt. 

In this WSJ Podcast, WSJ personal-finance writer Julia Carpenter discusses how a spending limit can help couples. A spending limit is an agreed-upon rate at which couples need not ask for approval or discuss the purchase before making it. 

She describes a spending limit as "...purchases that don't need prior conversation, so the purchases under $100 for example, or under $1,000 for some couples or under $25 for other couples. Things that don't need approval or discussion for the household, something like buying a new blender or buying a piece of exercise equipment. Things that won't break the bank, but also talking about them and getting them the sign-off from both people would just sort of gum up the process or lead to one partner feeling restricted or somehow held back."

Decide on an amount comfortable for both of you—it could be P5,000, P10,000, less or more depending on your financial goals. The same podcast episode explains that a spending limit can help couples feel less like they're restricted. "You don't feel surveilled... When you are combining your financial life with a partners, just by the very nature of it, you are sharing things. There's more transparency, but there's also more a sense of restriction for some people." 

She adds, "So the spending rules gives both people a no questions asked threshold under which you're allowed to do your thing, I'm allowed to do my thing if it exceeds this, let's have a conversation."

3. Track your spending.

Mon G. Buela, a financial advisor, certified estate planner, and dad of one says finding the right budgeting tool is key. He recommends trying different methods until you find what works best for you. Buela prefers using Google Sheets because it is highly customizable and easily accessible, which is perfect for couples. "Whether it's a simple spreadsheet, a sophisticated app, or a combination of both, the most important thing is to find a system that fits your lifestyle and helps you stay on track."

4. Create an emergency fund.

If you still haven't started an emergency fund, this is your sign to finally start one. Ideally, an emergency fund covers three to six months' worth of living expenses. Before you invest your money, secure this first so that you have a cushion when unexpected expenses like job loss, health concerns, or home repairs.

5. Celebrate and have fun.

Budgeting together shouldn't be just tracking numbers—it should also be a positive and fun experience. Celebrate your milestones like paying off debt or staying within the month's budget through simple yet meaningful rewards.

A final word

Money matters can be a source of stress for a lot of couples, with money issues being one of the top reasons why couples separate. 

As the Smart Parenting Village mom reminds us, "Finances are such a huge aspect of any relationship, and being on the same page can make a difference in how you navigate life together."

Hope we can all find the setup that works for us. Good luck!