Should Stay-at-Home Moms Be the CEOs of the Household?

Choosing to become a stay-at-home mother is never an easy decision. It's life-changing. Many moms, no matter how successful they are in their careers, choose to set aside their jobs and prioritize their children, especially during the early years. After all, they say, motherhood is a privilege. 

In an Instagram reel by Dianna Lee, a Singapore-based content creator known as the "online mother," she boldly stated, "Never become a stay-at-home mother unless you and your husband have agreed on this one financial condition." Her video, uploaded on May 15, now has over one million views.

But here's the hard truth. Dianna says, "If you're seriously considering becoming a stay-at-home mother, there's only one way that this is going to work long term. You need direct access to at least 50% of your husband's monthly cash flow—and ideally 100%."

Should SAHMs be the CEOs of the household? 

Otherwise, Dianna warns moms might end up "betting on the kindness of men," which she thinks can lead to tension and insecurity. "Over time, as your world becomes more divergent—with you taking care of the home and he taking care of the world—it is very likely that he will start respecting you less," she says. When one partner holds all the financial power, it may lead to uncomfortable situations, like the SAHM having to ask for an allowance or feeling worthless.

"You as the stay-at-home mother should also be the CEO of the household. He is the 50% equity partner. Your product is your kids and your overall financial portfolio." —Dianna Lee

Dianna seems to be pointing out that she encourages a mindset shift among mothers, and it's one SAHMs ought to hear: "You as the stay-at-home mother should also be the CEO of the household. He is the 50% equity partner. Your product is your kids and your overall financial portfolio." She clarifies that it isn't just about money; it's about recognizing the value of moms' unpaid work every day.

However, she also stresses that moms entrusted with the family budget should strive to be financially literate. "Everybody should have the financial knowledge to run their own lives." She reminds moms, "Your partner has the privilege to go out and make money in the labor market because you allowed him that privilege. You rightfully own at least 50%."

She also challenges the misconception that stay-at-home moms are not contributing financially because they are unemployed. She urges moms to take pride in their role: "You need to rewire your brain to take pride in the fact that your man can do what he does entirely because of you." Her advice? The husband's salary needs to go directly into a joint account to which the couple both have access.

Dianna paints what she considers to be the ideal scenario at home, "The husband gives 100% of his salary to his wife and he is in turn given a monthly allowance. This is actually a very smart and logical move from a cultural perspective. It's the only way you can really equalize the power imbalances if one party is working and one party is not."

Watch the full reel on Instagram here.

SAHMs and their husbands weigh in

Is this the case for Filipino families? We asked stay-at-home moms and their husbands, and they shared their perspectives and experiences. They all agree that this can be the setup if the SAHM is capable and confident in managing their finances.

For Ella Libaton, a former cybersecurity professional turned stay-at-home mom, the decision to leave her high-paying job came after their helper quit and burnout took a toll on her health and marriage. "Ako talaga 'yung type ng mom na family first before anything else. Gusto ko, super hands-on ako sa kids ko, kaya I agreed," she shared.

"Dapat nga si SAHM yung CEO sa bahay para maging harmonious ang pagsasama." —Ella Libaton

She's grateful that her husband fully trusted her with their finances, confident in her track record as a frugal and wise spender, "Ako may access sa online banking, siya may ATM. Our business and assets, sa akin din nakapangalan."

Ella agrees with the idea of the stay-at-home moms as the household CEOs. "Dapat nga si SAHM yung CEO sa bahay para maging harmonious ang pagsasama." She continues, "We follow God's design: si husband ang head of the household, at magpapasakop ang wife sa kanya."

Meanwhile, for Mommy Gracie Maulion, the content creator behind Tipid Living, she not only runs the household but also manages their family's business income, including her husband's.

"I always consult my husband sa lahat ng financial decisions, before making any move or step." —Gracie Maulion

"I manage our family's income because I’m more knowledgeable about budgeting. Biruan nga namin, ako si Tipid Mommy, siya si Magastos Daddy!"

Gracie is a registered financial planner, but she clarifies that managing their cash flow doesn't mean she makes decisions alone. "I always consult my husband sa lahat ng financial decisions, before making any move or step," she says.

For her, whether the SAHM should be the CEO of the home depends on her skills and willingness to manage the budget. "Baka, if the wife is not well-informed about budgeting, maybe transparency and mutual decision-making are the better approach. It's important for the wife to communicate to her husband what your setup will be before deciding to become a SAHM."

Daddy Ryu Dang, husband of Smart Parenting Squad member and contributing writer Mommy Victoria Dang, shares a similar setup at home.

"It's a win for my wife because she has total control and insight of all the revenues and all the money that there is." —Ryu Dang

"What works for us is that I control the large amount of the large spendings, and my wife can do whatever she wants with the small amounts. But whenever it is like a large amount involved, we decide together," he explains.

Does he think SAHMs should control 100% of their husbands income? Ryu says 
it can work if the stay-at-home mom is responsible and understands money management. "It's a win for my wife because she has total control and insight into all the revenues and all the money that there is. So, you know, there are no secrets between us and everything is transparent," he adds.

A final word

Choosing to be a stay-at-home mother can be fulfilling, but Dianna's message is clear: it takes two to make this setup work. Arriving at this decision is not just about pure love and sacrifice but finding a common ground where both the mom's and the dad's contributions to the family are valued, and are equally credited for what they put on the table. It challenges the mindset that financial contribution is the basis of a person's value and the mere measure of their contributions to the family.

Every family is different. What matters most is that both partners agree on the setup that works for them, fosters mutual respect, and ensures financial security for everyone—especially those holding the fort at home.