How Do I Return From Maternity Leave Without Guilt?

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On December 15, I'm expected to return to work after my 105-day maternity leave. By then, my son will be three months old, still completely dependent on me for his food, which is my breast milk. Clearly, he needs his mom.

My eldest, a girl, is attending Kinder classes and still potty training. She obviously needs a mom, too. And my husband needs me as well so he can focus on his work, which is our main source of income.

So, tell me—how could I possibly return to work without the guilt? How can I turn on my laptop, breastfeed my son, entertain my daughter after school, support my husband with the chores, still have time for myself, without losing my mind?

Almost five years ago, I asked myself the same question, and my answer was to resign from a six-year career with one of the best employers here in the Philippines. I had to choose one or the other: be an employee or be a mom. At that time, I accepted that I couldn't be both.

How much longer must moms be forced to choose?

Why is resignation sometimes the only option?

And don't simply say, "Hire a helper," because it's not easy and simple to get one. "Anak pa more" would be a harsh but realistic response, but I hope you think of the bigger picture—a long-term solution for mothers and mothers-to-be.

I pray for a world where moms are given a fairer chance to pursue their careers while also being present for their children. Whether it's through really flexible workhours, permanent work-from-home setup, or affordable AND available childcare services, like day care center in the office or yaya referrals.

If that isn't possible in a country like ours, then I pray that mothers always have the means to choose their kids.

I know that this option isn’t the easier choice, nor is it a lesser evil, but I believe that when you have to choose between your family or your job, choose the one that gives you hugs and kisses at night.

Because—chances are—the other one won’t be fun to curl up in bed with.

Help me pray for the moms—whether stay-at-home, working, or somewhere in between. They need all the support they can get.

Pray for the kids too, that whatever their moms choose to do, they will never have to feel as though they are competing for their parents' love or attention.

May they grow up secure, knowing that their worth is more than any job or all the money in the world.

Judy Santiago-Aladin is Smart Parenting's section editor. She just recently became a mom of two. This post was originally published on Judy's LinkedIn profile.

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