Dear Parent,
The journey of raising our children is both complex and beautiful. It can let us fill all the highs and lows, the joys and grief. From the moment they are born, we can’t help but see ourselves in them. We dig up old baby photos of ourselves to prove that they got that smile, those dimples, or that crinkle in their forehead from us. As they grow, we also can’t help but see reflections of ourselves in how much they like a certain food, their hobbies, and perhaps even when they get angry. But no matter how much we see ourselves in them, we must always remember a fundamental truth: our children are their own individuals. They are not extensions of us–they are unique, with their own dreams, desires, and lives to build.
We spend so much time nurturing them in their early years, giving so much of ourselves to their development, that it can be hard to let go. We celebrate their milestones and successes, help them in every small and big task, and offer advice to guide their decisions at every turn. As parents, it’s ingrained in our very core to want the best for them and to protect them at all costs. And it can be hard to stop, even as they mature and grow up, even as they show us who they are and their plans for themselves. It can be hard to see the vision they have for their lives, because we are so blinded by our plans and expectations, the “perfect” them we see in our minds.
We should remember that part of truly loving our children is allowing them the freedom to explore who they truly are, even when their choices or actions surprise us. Part of loving them is seeing and celebrating them for who they are–even if it might not be a reflection of us, or the “ideal” versions we’ve imagined, but as the remarkable individuals they are becoming. We need to accept the fact that our role is not to shape them into smaller versions of ourselves, but to guide them as they discover who they are and who they are meant to be. They may have different passions than ours, talents other than our own–but it’s precisely these differences that make them so remarkable.
Ultimately, our job is to lay a foundation of love, encouragement, and support. From there, we must let our children take flight, carving their own paths in this world. Letting go might not always be easy, but loving them also means stepping back and watching them soar.
Remember, our children are not solely ours. They are not photocopies of us. They are unique individuals that we must cherish. Their uniqueness is their gift to the world–and to us. And we should learn to see and appreciate it.
Read here for Rica Peralejo’s advice on raising kids.
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