The Downside of Telling Kids They’re Smart, What To Say Instead

“Wow! Ang talino mo naman!”

Sounds like your typical phrase to compliment right? Something parents would often tell their kids. But studies find that saying this to your child can have a negative impact in their learning process.

Why Calling Your Child “Smart” Is Not A Smart Move

According to Dr. Carol Dweck, the psychologist who introduced the concept of the "growth mindset," emphasizing inherent traits like intelligence can lead bring about feeling of fear to fail and avoid challenges.

When kids are praised for being "smart," there is a risk that they would start associating their self-worth to their intelligence. When this happens they may avoid difficult tasks that could expose their limitations so they would purposely opt to stay within their comfort zones to protect their "smart" image.

According to Dr. Dweck's research there is noticeable difference between children who are praised for their intelligence and those who are recognized for their effort.

When the children feels supported to cultivated a growth mindset, they believe their abilities can be developed through effort, continuous learning, and resilience. They also view challenges as opportunities rather than seeing it as a threat to their ability.

They see that success is not just about being naturally good at something but about the effort they put in.

On the other hand, when children are labeled as "smart," they might internalize the notion that intelligence is a fixed trait. This belief can make them fear mistakes, as errors might imply that they are no longer "smart." As a result, these children might shy away from taking risks or engaging in challenging activities, that are important experience to support their growth and learning.

And it’s not just the “smart praise.” Parents are advised to also avoid labeling children with stable traits such as "athletic," "talented," or "creative."

To improve healthy growth mindset in children, it's crucial to focus on their effort, strategy, and persistence instead. This encourages them to value the process of learning rather than the outcome.

What To Say Instead

1. "I can see you worked really hard on this."
   Nakita kong nag-effort at nagsipag ka talaga para magawa mo 'to.

2. "I love how you kept going, even when it was tough."
   Gusto ang nakita ko sa'yo anak. Paano ka nagpatuloy  sa ginagawa kahit mahirap.

3. "Your effort is paying off!"
   Ngayon, na-achieve mo na kung ano 'yung mga pinagtrabahuan mo nang maigi!

4. "You didn't give up—that's an admirable trait!"
   Nakakabilib makita na kahit nahirapan ka sa una, kahit marami kang pinagdaanan, hindi ka sumuko.

5. "You should be proud of your hard work"
   'Wag mo kalimutan na i-appreciate ang sarili mo dahil sa hard work na iipinakita mo!

6. "I’m really proud of how you stayed positive."
   Nakaka-proud makita ang positive attitude mo.

7. "I appreciate your honesty and willingness to learn."
   Pinahahalagahan ko ang katapatan at kagustuhan mong matuto.

8. "I admire your determination and persistence."
   Nakakatuwa at nakaka-inspirea makita ang pagpupursige mo

9. "I love how you learned from each mistake"
   Nakakatuwang makita na kahit may moments na nahirapan at nagkamali ka, natuto ka dito
10. "I admired that you ask for help when you need it"
    Nakaka-proud na hindi ka nahihiyang magtanong o humingi ng tulog tuwing may mga hindi ka maintindihan o magawa para maachieve ang goal na 'to

Other alternative phrases

• "Never giving up leads to great outcomes."
• "I’m impressed by the steps you took to solve this."
• "It’s about learning and improving, not just getting the right answer."
• "Your progress shows your effort."
• "I’m impressed by the steps you took to solve this."
• "Look at how much you've improved!"
• "Your achieved it because you thought it through."