Should We Allow Our Kids To Use Social Media For School?

“Mom, our class chat is on Messenger.”

These were the words my 10-year-old shared during the first few months of the school year, and my heart sank. We were still undecided about when we should allow her to use social media. The idea of “needing” it for school felt like a hostage situation for us.

It seems we’re not the only parents grappling with this dilemma. Many parents are torn over when, or if, to let their children use social media. Ironically, these questions often pop up in parenting groups–on social media platforms themselves. In the Smart Parenting Village, once concerned parent posted:

“Anong age niyo pinagamit ng Facebook o Messenger ang anak niyo? Elementary ba o high school na? At sa late na nagpagamit ng Facebook/Messenger, pwede ba malaman kung bakit?”

Social media and school

The pandemic marked a significant shift in how parents approached social media use for their children. During those years, staying home was essential to keep our families safe, forcing us to move much of our social interactions, work, and schooling online. Zoom calls and endless chats became the norm. We attended meetings, birthdays, and even weddings virtually. We bought necessities through Viber groups, and our children attended classes via Google Classrooms or MS Teams. Their interactions with friends often happened through chat platforms. Suddenly, the rule about minimizing screen time seemed impossible to enforce for many parents.

Instead of limiting our children’s screen time, we found ourselves needing to be more lenient. We also had to teach them social media etiquette–how to mute their mics, turn on their cameras, and most importantly, how to keep their accounts and personal details safe.

Considering that even we adults need a digital guide for ourselves at times, how do we teach our kids the ins and outs of social media, which is also ever-changing in itself? How do we make informed decisions on our family’s digital use when experts are still in the process of studying its effects? And how do we impose our family rules on digital use when the society, in this case, our children’s schools, seems to be the one pushing for its use?

While it seems that there’s no clear-cut answer for every family, we have come up with a few things that you can consider when faced with a similar dilemma.

Children using social media: A few considerations

Experts: kids below 13 years old should not be on social media

Experts in the US say that kids should be 13 years old before they’re allowed to go on social media. Dr. Mitch Prinstein, a clinical psychologist in the American Psychological Association has this to say about social media, “I certainly don’t think anyone under 13 should be using it. Unfettered access, without any screen controls or [parental] monitoring, that should probably be delayed for as long as possible–certainly, until at least 16.”

The basis for advocating delay is for good reason: A report from the U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murphy stated that “children’s brains function differently, and can be vulnerable during the developmental phase of adolescence.” Moreover, the primary goal of most social media platforms is to drive maximum engagement, making them addictive and disruptive to important activities like schoolwork and real-world social interactions. Research also shows that as much as 50% of teens report at least one sign of clinical dependency on social media.

Social media platforms’ age requirements

Parents should at least consider the age requirements of social media platforms. While it may be easy to lie and open an account on behalf of our kids, we should also consider the values we are imparting to them in doing so. Using a fake birthdate to sign up for Facebook or TikTok might seem like a harmless lie, but it’s still a lie-and it’s still breaking a rule. So what kind of example are we setting if our children see us bending rules for them?

Alternative platforms

Group chats remain common even even a few years post-pandemic, but the truth is, there are also a number of non-social media platforms who offer similar functionality, such as MS Teams, Google Classroom, and even Telegram, Viber, or WhatsApp. While some of these apps require subscriptions or extra effort to join compared to Messenger, they are generally more secure. Children chatting via their school’s MS Teams organization are easier to monitor compared to if they were using Messenger. Additionally, children may behave more cautiously if they get the impression that the platform or group is for official school purposes.

If your school is already using MS Teams or Google Classrooms for emails, announcement bulletins, or calls for online classes, consider raising your concerns about children, especially those under 13, using social media platforms for school activities. Ask school teachers or administrators to reconsider and instead use other platforms that might be available to them.

Guide them safely

If using Messenger or other social media platforms for school-related concerns is unavoidable, and you decide to let your child participate, the important thing to do is to guide your child throughout. Here are a few tips:

• Secure his consent: First, ensure that your child knows and understands that you will be monitoring his social media activity and that they will use the platform primarily for school-related purposes.
• Check in regularly: Regularly view their activity, or sit with your child and go through their social media chats and feeds together. Adapt a curious attitude and talk to them about what they're seeing and how they feel abut certain messages.
• Remind them that you’re always there to guide them: Aside from the regular check-ins, emphasize to your child that they can talk to you about anything when it comes to their social media life, whether it's something that made them uncomfortable or just something they're curious about. Tell them that they can come to you whenever they need help or if they encounter any problem.
• Set boundaries: Even if social media is being used primarily for school, it’s still best to establish clear rules about when and how it can be used. Set time limits, assign social media-free times (such as during meals), and discuss possible consequences of breaking these rules.
• Educate them on online safety: Teach your child about the possible dangers of sharing personal information online, recognizing inappropriate or dangerous content, and basic internet safety (like using strong passwords).
• Model good behavior: Children often mimic their parents' behavior. Be mindful of your own social media use and demonstrate healthy habits, such as taking regular breaks and practicing internet safety.

Navigating the digital and social media world with our children is not an easy task. It requires patience, communication, and sometimes even expert advice to ensure that their online experiences are safe and positive.

Read here to learn why Filipinos need a guide in raising kids in a digital world.