8 Tips For Making A Blended Family Work

Not all relationships work out in the end, no matter how much the couple might work on it for the sake of their family and children. And if they do find a new love, blended families are formed. These families consist of couples and their children from previous relationships, creating a unique dynamic with stepmoms, stepdads, stepsisters, stepbrothers, and step-grandparents.

Creating a successful blended family requires hard work, particularly because it involves merging two families with distinct values, cultures, and ways of doing things. The good news is, numerous celebrity blended families like Camille Prats – VJ Yambao, Jodi Sta. Maria – Pampi Lacson – Iwa Moto, Jennylyn Mercado – Dennis Trillo, and Derek Ramsay – Ellen Adarna show that it can indeed work beautifully.

If you’re unsure about navigating this journey, here are tips to make your blended family flourish:

Have a clear stand on sibling rivalry with your spouse.

One of the adjustments kids in new blended families have to cope with is having to share their parent with a new spouse or step-sibling and having to “compete” with said new sibling. Preventing sibling rivalry is challenging enough for nuclear families, and it can be doubly so for blended families. So it’s best to sit down with your new partner and be clear of the parenting and discipline styles you will both implement.

Rewards and consequences should be the same for all children, no matter how it used to be before you got together.

Acknowledge initial strangeness.

Accept that your children will most likely treat each other as strangers at first. Be patient; building relationships takes time.

Acknowledge any sadness or resentment associated with changes in birth order.

For example, your former eldest child has been relegated as the second sibling with the introduction of a new step sibling. Recognize that he’d feel sad or angry about it since he’d feel that he lost any “power” or “position of authority” he once had. Same goes for the former bunso who became an older sibling. He’d feel like he lost the attention he once had. Be empathetic to their feelings.

Do not use any labels on the kids.

And this includes any positive labels such as “he’s the most intelligent in the family,” or “she’s the best singer in the family.” Doing so can unnecessarily increase tension. Instead, always point out that everyone has different skills and talents and encourage them to explore new interests.

Always try to work as a family to provide the necessary attention and resources for everyone.

An increase in family size can result in less attention and resources to go around. Children might feel this change when the parents have less time and money for each child’s extracurricular activities, or less family outings or travels.

The best way to resolve this is to strive to always work together as a family. Create a set schedule that keeps track of all of the family members’ activities. Include a tracker for the set “extracurricular” or “activity” budget each month and have each child pick one.

Ensure that both parents attend and support each child’s activities so that they won’t feel that one child is more favored over the other. Try to give individual attention to each child as well. This can be a quick 10-minute game or a one-on-one day out. Ensuring that each child gets plenty of positive attention will strengthen your bonds.

Work together as a team when it comes to parenting, discipline, and implementing household rules.

This means that before you discipline your kids, both of you should have decided on the set of rules to implement, because even if one of you doesn’t have kids, chances are he/she has a different perception in parenting.

Decide on how you are going to discipline your kids and the type of consequences you are going to use. Always ensure that you two present a united front on disciplinary issues. Don’t let the kids see you as an “easy target” when it comes to getting their way.

Once you have decided on a set of rules, explain it to your kids. Allow them to voice out their opinions or contribute, and accommodate their inputs if possible. Emphasize to them that both adults can enforce the rules and consequences to any of the kids, and that all kids should recognize and obey both parents as an authority figure.

Build bonds before discipline.

Stepparents should focus first on building bonds with the children before enforcing discipline. A healthy relationship lays the foundation for effective discipline.

Begin new traditions as a family.

It might be hard to establish a family bond right from the start and it might feel like you are still two families sharing one house. Give time for your family to have a shared history, figure out new relationships, and adapt to the new normal. One way to go about this is to build new traditions as a family. It can be as simple as having a regular game night at home, or having a few minutes of reading time in one room.

Every family has their own problems, and blended families are no exception. But always remember that despite all the growing pains, squabbles, and negatives, your blended family will grow into caring and loving each other just like any family had. And the bonds you have established with each other will definitely last a lifetime.