Tired And Irritated After School? Here's What Parents Can Do To Recharge Kids Emotionally

Today’s parents know the popular phrase “you can’t fill from an empty cup”, which is why mothers (and fathers!) are often reminded that a happy mom makes a happy baby. But the emotional cup theory is also applicable to children, not just to adults. 

Picture the same thing for your child as you would for yourself: Imagine that every child has a cup that needs to be filled with affection, love, security, and attention, says Upbility, an online resource for ready-to-use therapy and education materials for children and adolescents. 

It might come as no surprise that the demands of school, the adjustment to F2F classes, the change in their social lives is draining their cup daily. That doesn’t even include their hours at home.

Caitlin Slavens and Chelsea Bodie, moms, psychologists, and founders of MamaPsychologists shared on Instagram that this theory was helping their kids who were returning home from school with empty cups.

“Some seem to have a full cup most of the time, or know good ways to get a refill. But most children get a little nervous when their cup gets near empty, it says.

RELATED: Your Child’s Tantrums May Be The Result Of An Empty ‘Emotional Cup’

A previous Smart Parenting article outlines what children do when their emotional cups are empty:   

• "Steal" from other people’s cups
• Misbehave to get your attention and show that they need a refill
• Seem to have bottomless cups, or need constant ‘topping off’
• Can’t sit still for refills or actively refuse them
• Bounce off the walls when they approach ‘empty’
• Think they have to fight or compete for every refill

What drains a child’s emotional cup

• Long days without attachment figure
• Worries about school
• Conflict at home
• Yelling/punishments
• Being left out/not getting along with friends
• Being overscheduled

“As we are talking about back to school, it is important to remember that our kids may be coming home with a cup that is close to drying up, especially if there are challenges throughout the day, writes MamaPsychologist on its Instagram account.

What fills a child’s emotional cup

The moment a child arrives home from school, is picked up, or gets out of school can be primetime for parenting. MamaPsychologists itemize six things that fill a child’s emotional cup:

• One-on-one connection time with attachment figure
• Positive words
• Feeling unconditionally accepted
• Healthy friendships
• Doing things they enjoy
• Play

It may be tempting for parents to diminish the stresses a child experiences in a day—school and being with friends may relatively be more fun compared to the daily stresses of the workplace—however keep in mind that that is from the perspective of an adult. 

Try to remember how you felt as a young grade school student or a pre-teen trying to keep up with school work, navigate friendships, and avoid arguments with siblings or your parent’s disapproval. It is a significant amount of stress to a young child who is just developing.

'Put your phone away so you can focus on your child so they feel seen.'

This is why allowing them the space to re-fill their emotional cup right after a school day can help your child.

What you can do for your tired kids after school

1. Focus on your kid—put the phone away.

“Put your phone away so you can focus on your child so they feel seen, advises Darien Williams in an article on school pick-ups published in Motherly. 

Greet your child first before others who may be there with you, such as their teachers, other parents, or other kids. “Be sure to connect with your child first before chatting with a school staff member about how the day went, writes Williams.

RELATED: Don’t Rush Through School Drop-Offs! 5 Ways To Help Ease Your Child's Separation Anxiety

2. Allow them to play first or relax at home.

Doing things they enjoy and playing are two ways kids can fill their emotional cups after a long day in F2F classes. Maybe they just want to curl up in a corner to read or play for a few minutes before jumping right into their homework or other responsibilities.

If adults need time to breathe after difficult tasks or a long day at work, so do children.

MamaPsychologists say, “The emotional cup theory is widely known throughout the child psychologist community. 

It adds, “It seems like common sense, the more a child’s cup is emptied by the stress of the day, the more it is essential to reconnect and work on filling the cup back up.”