Back-To-School For Kids, Sepanx Na Ulit Si Mommy! Tips On How To Deal With Parental Separation Anxiety

"Sepanx" means separation anxiety, a term we've heard time and time again. It's a loosely used term for feelings commonly associated with Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD), one of the most common childhood disorders. SAD is an exaggerated form of typical anxiety, manifesting as concern, worry, or even dread when separated (actual or anticipated) from an attachment figure.

Separation anxiety is considered a normal part of a child’s development from around 6 months of age. Most parents dread “sepanx” during the back-to-school season, when classrooms echo with the cries of first-time preschoolers calling out for their moms to take them home. Experts have given their thoughts and tips on this issue, and social media is filled with moms’ stories about it. However, this time, we're focusing on a different kind of "sepanx": parental separation anxiety.

I remember the excitement I felt when I first sent my eldest to big school. It was a different kind of pride to see her in her complete school uniform, carrying her oversized school bag, walking confidently toward her classroom. But beneath my pride lay a small, gnawing worry. What if she can't open her lunch box? What if she can't follow her teacher’s instructions? What if she gets bullied?

I am feeling even worse this school year—my youngest, my baby bunso, has just started her nursery classes. It took all my willpower not to cry when she walked up, took her new teacher’s hand, and sat at her desk—without a backward glance. Suffice it to say, I was also one of the first parents outside the classroom door come dismissal time.

Do I actually have parental separation anxiety?

Experts say that parental separation anxiety can affect people in a variety of ways, and some symptoms might be obvious while others might not be so noticeable. Signs and symptoms to watch out for include:

• Excessive worrying and catastrophic thinking
• High levels of anxiety and depression
• Unusual distress and panic attacks
• Feelings of anger
• Physical symptoms when separated from your child (such as headaches, nausea, stomachaches)
• Constant need to know your child’s whereabouts

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms and they have affected your daily life for at least 6 months, it is possible that you might be experiencing parental separation anxiety.

What can I do about it?

If your anxiety feels unmanageable, it is best to seek professional help. But if you only experience occasional feelings of anxiety but are still quite functional, then perhaps we fall under the “normal” level of mommy sepanx.

What Do Other Parents Say About It?

We posed the same question to other parents on the Smart Parenting Village. Here’s what they have to say:

Katherine Cipriano: "Grade 2 na daughter ko pero sepanx is real pa din. Especially since fulltime house wife/mom ako and talagang focused at sanay ako na kasama ko sila palagi. Ilang araw pa lang and sepanx na ako. Mag-isa nang natutulog si panganay sa bed niya pero a week before pasukan, sinabihan ko na tumabi muna sa akin matulog, at magkatabi kami hanggang mag-pasukan. Noong nakauwi na kami after namin ihatid sa school, naluha na ako with my bunso. Nag-chat pa ako sa Mom ko at sinabi ko na na-mi-miss ko ang anak ko. Iba talaga kapag kasama lang sila. Kaya ngayon, nag-focus ako kay bunso at nakipag-laro sa kanya, nagbasa ng mga libro kasama siya, at tinuruan siya dahil 1 year old pa lang siya. No screen time. I feel emotional na lumalaki na talaga si panganay pero ganon talaga. Happy din naman kami na she’s confident and independent na. Mixed emotions lang talaga."

Mina Frncsco: "Namimili pa lang ako ng school supplies, naiiyak na ko, hindi ko alam kung dahil sa gastos or sa iba pang dahilan. Pero nung pina-plantsa ko na ang uniform, doon ko na napagtanto na may estudyante na ako. Kahit na kinder palang ang anak ko, pakiramdam ko may college na ako. Nakaka-sepanx kasi sanay ako na 24/7 kami mag-kasama. Kabado at excited ako para sa kanya. Pero siya parang hindi kabado, excited siya pumasok at maka-kilala daw ng mga bagong kaibigan dahil only child din siya. Third week of class na pero sa tuwing papasok siya, nandoon pa din iyung anxiety, kinakabahan ako at natatakot para sa kanya. Pero sa tuwing pag-uwi niya na may dalang kwento ng mga nangyari sa school, ang sarap din ng pakiramdam. Tatlong oras lang ang klase niya, noong unang linggo hinihintay ko talaga siya hanggang uwian, pero nitong mga nakaraang araw ay hindi na at hinihintay ko nalang siya sa bahay. Kaya’t naglalaba at ginagawa ko na ibang chores para pag-uwi niya, mag-bonding na ulit kami."

Cha Pedrajeta Lorico: "Super excited si eldest ko pumasok, kulang nalang sa school na tumira. Mula nursery hanggang ngayon na grade 4, hindi siya nagka-sepanx. Puro ako yata. Like today, bago ko siya hinatid, sabi ko, “Ay, walang tutulong sa akin maglabas ng basura.” Nakaka-miss iyung may nakakatulong ka sa simple tasks kahit papaano. On the other hand, mas nakakapag-work ako ngayon na tahimik. Dahil less saway dahil walang away sa kanilang magkakapatid ngayon."

Marnelz Mercado: "Sa una lang masaya kasi may sandaling katahimikan sa bahay at nagagwa na ng maayos ang mga chores. Pero pagdating ng second quarter, saka ako makakaramdam ng sepanx kase doon mararamdaman na parang laging may kulang. Lalo na kapag kakain mag-isa ng lunch."

Charmaine A Nne: "Walang nagka-sepanx. Lahat excited. We all needed time away from each other. WFH kasi ako kayo 24/7 magkakasama kami. Temporary separation makes the heart grow fonder."

Joana Belvis: "Sepanx literal ang nanay! Sobrang nakakalungkot sa bahay kapag wala mga anak. Kaya pagsundo, pinapaliguan ko ng halik ang anak – miss na miss!"

Aizza Ocado: "Naka-ramdam ako ng ginhawa! Ako lang ba?! Pero iyung four hours na nasa school ang anak ko, nakakahinga ako ng maluwag while working from home. Nakakapag-kape ako ng mainit at nakaka-kain ng maayos. Ito iyung time ko for myself, iyung kapag nasa school siya. Kaya for me, next to her daddy, the most important people for me right now are her teachers. Kasi, sa totoo lang, parang kami lang ng daddy niya ang magtyatyaga sa kakulitan niya nang walang judgment. Kaya super solid saludo ko sa prep teachers niya."

Parental separation anxiety, it turns out, is part and parcel of parenting. Parents seem to have similar ways of coping with it: by staying busy (with work, chores, or entertainment), seeking support (talking about it with other parent friends over coffee), and ensuring that they do not pass the anxiety to their child (by showing a brave face during separation and showering their child with cuddles once reunited).

Parenting sepanx is definitely one of parenting’s bittersweet moments. Yet, it stands as a testament to the strength parents can muster for their child. So, hugs to all the "sepanx" parents. Enjoy the extra free time and cherish those additional hugs and kisses from your child.

Join the Smart Parenting Village and share your school-related stories with us!

*Submissions are edited for clarity.