Anak, I Thought of Giving You Up. Now I Am Sorry I Have to Leave You
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  • This piece was submitted to us by an OFW mom who wishes to remain anonymous. She previously emailed SmartParenting.com.ph to submit a #SPConfession. She told us that writing her #SPconfession made her "feel lighter" and gave her the strength to write this letter to her 6-year-old son. However, she doesn't have the courage yet to reveal the truth to him, but she still hopes she could let her son read this letter one day. This was edited for clarity. 

    Dear Anak,

    I am sorry that I am not the perfect mom you want me to be nor will I ever be. You see, I was already imperfect since day one.

    I learned I was pregnant in July 2011. It became one of the days I hated the most in my life. I took a pregnancy test twice and got two lines in each test. Great, a positive pregnancy.  

    When I found out about you, I just graduated and was in the second month of my first job. The worse part was I got knocked up by an officemate who didn’t want to acknowledge you. I felt like I won the lottery — yes, sarcasm intended.

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    But, in September 2011, I heard your heartbeat for the first time. My plan to get an abortion came crashing down.

    I am a monster for even thinking about, and I am so glad I didn’t do you any harm. I am sorry.

    Since that day I first heard you, I made a promise to become a better person because I know you deserve all the best in life. I promised to protect you and be your knight; it’s just you and me against everything.

    Time flew by so fast. We did conquer the problems together. We were happy with the eight to five job that I got. We had a simple life. We may have had rough days but nothing that banana and Nutella couldn’t fix.

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    Everything changed when I got married last year to my first love, the one you call Papa. 

    He is not your biological father, but you were raised to think that he is. I’m sorry for not telling you. I’m sorry for hiding the truth. And I am most sorry if you think that I chose him over you.

    I had to leave you and go with your Papa to work. It has been six months now that I haven’t woken up beside you or since we watched your favorite cartoon together. It’s been six months since we ate your favorite adobo.

    Please believe me when I say I have not forgotten a single memory that we’ve shared. I may have left you, but I will never forget you.

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    I know you felt betrayed by my decision. I wish I can take away the pain you are feeling. You don’t deserve to get hurt by a worthless mom like me.

    Anak, I’m sorry. Soon, maiintindihan mo that I left because I want you to have a better future. I want you to have options. I want to give you a complete family that I wasn’t able to give you the past five years.

    I love you, anak. More than anything. Patawarin mo sana si Mama sa mga pagkukulang niya. Soon, magkakasama na ulit tayo.

    Love,
    Mama

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