Chronic Illness, Marriage, and Parenting: One Family's Story

"For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health," the traditional wedding vows came true for KC Vicedo and her family when her husband, Abey, was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease at the age of 46.

Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD), also known as chronic kidney failure, refers to the gradual loss of kidney function. The kidneys are primarily responsible for filtering wastes and excess fluids from the body, removing them via our urine. When kidneys fail to function properly, dangerous levels of waste and fluid can build up in the body.

The National Kidney Transplant Institute reports that one Filipino is diagnosed with chronic renal failure every hour, amounting to an estimated 2.3 million Filipinos living with CKD.

Smart Parenting talked to KC to learn how her family navigates the challenges of CKD together.

KC, mompreneur and member of Smart Parenting Squad, shared her family's journey: "My husband and I met in graduate school.  We were classmates in the UP MBA program. However, we only got together after completing our MBA. Six years later, we got married. After eight years of trying to conceive, we were blessed finally with a daughter, Addie, who is now six years old and about to enter Grade 1."

A typical day in the Vicedo household begins with their daughter leaving for school, while KC heads to the office to manage their family business. "My husband runs his business from home. We all reunite in the afternoon and spend the rest of the day attending to the needs of our unica hija."

When her husband was initially diagnosed with CKD, KC recounted how they faced the situation: "When we first learned about his chronic kidney disease (CKD), we remained calm. We didn't panic. Instead, we explored alternative treatments, as my husband was determined to avoid dialysis."

"He decided to try Ayurveda therapy, which involved placing herbs and leaves on his abdominal area for three hours at a time, along with taking Ayurvedic medicine meant to treat CKD."

KC continued, "Unfortunately, after two months of this treatment, he developed pneumonia and lung congestion. His kidneys had stopped filtering toxins, and he began showing signs of edema (swelling in his legs and face). At that point, dialysis became unavoidable. That was when it all hit me.  I broke down in the hospital's emergency room."

It was a difficult time for their family. "We had to ask my father and sister to care for our daughter while we stayed at the hospital for three weeks. She missed me terribly, especially at night, so I found myself constantly traveling back and forth between home and the hospital," KC shared.

Determined to find solutions, KC and her husband mapped out several contingency plans, "Plan A, B, and C, trying to manage everything as best we could," as KC described.

During their hospital stay, KC and her husband were surprised to learn that CKD is not as rare as they thought. "What struck us most during our hospital stay was seeing so many young patients in their 30s and 40s undergoing dialysis. Some had been doing it for over five years. One of the nurses in the ER was even a dialysis patient herself. We were shocked to realize just how widespread chronic kidney disease really is."

And there, in the midst of their struggle, KC discovered her sense of purpose: "Somewhere in the middle of all this, a thought struck me, maybe this is my purpose. Maybe I'm meant to be a voice for the wives of CKD patients, to empower them and let them know they're not alone."

CKD changed the dynamics of the Vicedo family. In between her husband's regular dialysis schedule, emotional support, and the daily logistics of running the household, KC shared how their they cope with the challenges: "My husband goes to dialysis three times a week. He starts at 4 AM and gets home around 9 AM. After that, his day usually goes on as normal, although he often takes naps in the afternoon to catch up on sleep."

KC admitted, "To be honest, it's been a roller coaster ride. Emotions can run high at times, but we always manage to find our way back to normal."

"Logistically, it's a big adjustment especially since he can't afford to miss a single dialysis session. We need to plan any trips or family activities carefully in advance. Sometimes, that means he has to miss our daughter's school events, which can be difficult for all of us."

"CKD has definitely changed the rhythm of our marriage and family life," KC continued. Yes, I do worry about him more.  If he has a simple cough, I check for symptoms of pneumonia.  If he gets up in the middle of the night, I check if we need to rush to the ER.  There's always that quiet concern in the back of my mind, even during ordinary moments."

"CKD is a major test of marriage.  It all boils down to communication and understanding. It's no longer just about love in the romantic sense.  It's now more of service, patience, and shared resilience," she added.

Parenting is demanding in its own right, with financial responsibilities, schooling, spending time with kids, and addressing all their needs.  Additionally, KC also needs to explain and process the situation to their child. She said, "As for parenting, it's a balancing act. There are times when I have to put on a brave face for our daughter, even when things feel heavy. We've explained CKD to Addie by saying, 'Tatay's kidneys aren't working properly, so he needs to go to dialysis to clean his blood.' She understands in her little way.  She even jokes about it and sometimes calls her Tatay, 'Dialysis Man.'"

On top of everything, KC shared how she balances both her child's needs and her husband's needs.

"If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a whole universe to care for both a child and a kidney patient," KC remarked earnestly. "It's not just a village we need, it's a 'whole universe.'"

"I can't do it alone. Otherwise, as I always say to anyone I talk to, 'Malapit na ako tumagos sa pader,' just trying to manage everything," she continued.

Lastly, KC offers some encouragement for parents who are caring for a spouse or partner with a chronic illness.

"Prayer remains number one," she started. "Have faith that God will never put you through something you can't handle. With His guidance, you'll get through it."

Next, KC emphasized the importance of community, "Find your support group, whether it's family, friends, or even online communities. It helps so much to know that you're not alone."

"Have lots and lots of patience and understanding. Caring for someone who's sick is hard, but living with the illness is even harder," she added. 

Finally , KC encourages other parents, "Chronic kidney disease is serious, but it's not a life sentence. There are many ways to manage the condition, and according to our doctors, a kidney transplant is as straightforward as an appendectomy. Plus, the government has expanded benefits for dialysis patients, which helps lighten the load. You got this, momma!"