These Comics Depict What Seems To Be Society's Double Standards In Parenting

Welcome to Real Parenting, a space where parents can share the joys, pain, and the mess of parenthood. Want to get something off your chest? Share your parenting journey? Email us at smartparentingsubmissions@gmail with the subject "Real Parenting." Click here to read more 'Real Parenting' stories. 

What makes a good mom and dad? Men only need to show up and do the bare minimum to ace parenting. Meanwhile, mothers must always aspire for perfection or else face harsh criticism. Sounds unfair, right? But apparently, these double standards in parenting continue to exist today. 

Mary Catherine Starr holds the mirror up for society to reflect on this problem. The Massachusetts-based artist and mom of two runs the Instagram account @momlife_comics. Recently, she accurately illustrated the unfair expectations set on moms and dads.

"This is not a dig at dads, it's a dig at our society—a society that applauds dads for handling the most basic of parenting duties..."

In "An Illustrated Guide to the Double Standards of Parenting," uploaded last Jan. 20, 2022, Mary Catherine hits the nail in pointing out how mothers and fathers are viewed in different lenses while doing the same task.

4 examples of double standards in parenting

Mary Catherine sketched four scenarios where moms and dads are doing the same task but get contrasting reactions—dads get compliments while moms receive criticism.

Exhibit A: Having fast food takeout for meals

 

Why is it that moms are put in the bad light when they "resort" to takeouts and the opposite when dads do it?

Exhibit B: Spending time outdoors

Mary Catherine drew inspiration from her own experiences for the series of comics. She tells HuffPost, "For instance, once, when my daughter was young and I was pushing her in the stroller and looking down at my phone, a neighbor called out to me that I 'should pay attention to my daughter instead of my phone.' I know he never would have said that to my husband."

Exhibit C: Being a parent with a career

Again, people expect so much from a mom than a dad. Apparently, a wave is all a dad needs to do to be considered an "involved parent." But working moms? They are even met with frowns at times.

Exhibit D: Having fun with the kids

In her caption, Mary Catherine offered a couple more scenarios of double standards in parenting. One is, "Dad taking his child to her pediatrician appointment? That's so great! What a helpful, wonderful guy!! Mom doing it? Obviously; it's her job (whether she works or not)."

Another, "Obviously the comments about dad "babysitting" when he's simply taking care of his kids, right? [rolling eyes emojis]"

A wake-up call for the society

The artist made the disclaimer that she's not going after fathers per se, but the society as a whole. Pitting moms against dads is the last thing she wants to do. Besides, parenting should not be viewed as a battle of sexes. 

"This is not a dig at dads, it's a dig at our society—a society that applauds dads for handling the most basic of parenting duties + expects nothing short of perfection from mothers (or even worse, shames them for every decision and/or move they make!).," she wrote in the caption.

She adds in an interview with HuffPost, "I'm tired of our society applauding dads for handling the most basic of parenting duties and expecting perfection from mothers."

For the longest time, fathers are viewed as breadwinners so, it's acceptable if they are distant and not as involved as mothers when it comes to family matters. But needless to say, these outdated gender roles do more harm than benefits for the family.

In fact, Mary Catherine's post struck a nerve on social media, garnering thousands of reactions and comments from parents who can't help but relate.

"So true. I was at my kids field trip and the teacher said, "We are so glad the dads could get off work to come!" I'm thinking like.... Ummmm I work too lady," one mom commented.

Another offered a similar scenario of giving "Sympathy to dad working with crying baby in the background. But mom looks bad working with crying baby in background."

On Facebook, the organization Let Toys Be Toys re-shared Mary Catherine's work and, unfortunately, also garnered a lot of engagement. 

In the comment section, many moms said they felt seen by the comics. A series of illustrations will definitely not shatter double standards in parenting overnight, but it sends a striking message that it still exists today and society has to change how it views parenthood.

For starters, we can start the change by giving more breathing space to mothers and giving fathers the same expectation anyone would give to a parent.

Read a mom's heartbreaking confession about motherhood here.