Pinay Mom Shares 'Controversial Things' They Did As New Parents

"Your child, your rules" is probably one of the most used lines among parents these days. Truly, parents have the first and last say on how they are going to raise their children. However, it's inevitable to receive unsolicited advice from our concerned family and friends who are just excited about sharing what they know—sometimes, they tend to go overboard.

A couple from Cavite was a breath of fresh air as they shared on TikTok a compilation video of what they call "controversial things" they did as first-time parents, including keeping their pregnancy and birth secret from their family and friends.

Pinoy couple shares 'controversial things' they did as first-time parents

In an exclusive interview with Smart Parenting, Lyanne Nikaela Bugas revealed the reason why they decided to do these unconventional things as new parents. Their child, a baby girl, is now three months old.

"My intention was to share my experience as a first-time mom. My husband and I waited two long years to have a baby, so we were anxious about announcing our pregnancy. We initially planned to wait 12 weeks kasi yun daw yung safe time to announce, but 12 weeks turned into months, and we ended up not announcing or sharing it at all," Lyanne said.

She added, "Looking back, my pregnancy was peaceful and positive, so I decided to share my journey on TikTok. I didn’t expect so many moms to relate."

Their video has over 860,000 views as of writing. It's a series of photos describing controversial choices they made as new parents. For Lyanne and her husband, "controversial" means doing things differently from the norm. "Mga bagay na nakaka-invite ng negative feedback, lalo na from older generations, tulad ng not believing in most “pamahiins” at yung mga old ways na parang nakasanayan nalang gawin tapos contradicting na sa doctor’s advice ngayon," she explained.

1. Keeping their pregnancy a secret.

Among the list of controversial things they did was not to announce their pregnancy because "they didn't want to jinx it." Only their families and a few friends knew about it, making her proud that she pulled off hiding the entire nine months of her pregnancy.

2. Holding off announcing their child's birth.

Another was her scheduled childbirth. She and her husband didn't share that when she will be induced because "we didn't want the stress of people constantly asking for updates."

When their baby came out, they didn't tell anyone right away because they wanted to spend their first night as a family, "just the three of us in our own little bubble," she said.

3. Heeding only their doctor's advice.

They also didn't follow most of the advice given to them by their elders about pregnancy and parenting. They only believed and trusted what their doctors told them what they can and cannot do.

Case in point, Lyanne and her husband travelled to Hong Kong while she was 32 weeks pregnant. She explained, she didn't tell her parents because she knew they would just tell her that she should not travel anymore. Rest assured, her OB-Gyne gave her clearance to travel.

4. Buying as much newborn stuff as they want.

When it comes to buying newborn things, the couple said that they bought a lot of clothes for their child despite being advised against it because babies quickly outgrow them. Nevertheless, she's glad she did because their baby changes clothes several times a day (and we know why).

They also didn't listen to people who told them to people that they should not splurge on expensive baby stuff for their baby because their baby will only use them a few times. "We wanted to spoil our baby as first-time parents, and we only wanted the best for our child. And it's okay," they said.

5. Encouraging others to choose how they will raise their child.

She wrote this message with a happy photo of her and her baby on the background, "So for all first-time parents out there, since we now have our own family, it's up to us on how we want to raise our babies. You don't always have to listen to any unsolicited advice if it's not what you want to do. Just always believe in your maternal instincts on what's best for your baby."

Lyanne ended the carousel post with a photo of her baby, resting on her chest, while she plays a game on her mobile phone, with her final words: "And of course, enjoy your pregnancy and the happiness that a newborn baby brings. Good luck, mommas!"

Watch the original video on TikTok here.

Netizens validate Pinoy first-time parents on their parenting choices

Reading through the comments and reactions on their video, many parents and future parents felt seen and validated. Lyanne was surprised with how many parents experienced or wanted to do the same things. 

One comment read, "This is how modern parents [are] right now. Found my people."

Another one said, "That "Kami lang muna" moment hits different. Enjoy the journey as first-time parents."

A soon-to-be mama commented, "3 months and I'm nervous as a first-time mom. Will save and try these tips."

Lyanne said, "It’s comforting to know my feelings are valid and that my story validates others. My goal was to share, not to give advice or persuade anyone. I didn’t realize my experiences would help other parents and parents-to-be. May mga negative reactions din naman, but it’s okay. To each their own."

Message to first-time parents

Lyanne shared with Smart Parenting that even before they got pregnant, it was part of their plan to make their parenting choices independently.

"We believe that as long as we love and support each other, things will work out. Hindi kami nag-a-ambisyon maging perfect parents in the eyes of others; we just want to be the best parents in our daughter’s eyes. Wala kaming strict list of do's and don'ts for her—everything is okay, and we’re both clear na magkakamali kami along our journey," she stressed.

"We actually appreciate our parents when they give advice and guidance. We just have to be firm and remember na it’s our child, and we always have a choice to take or discard advice."  — Lyanne Nikaela Bugas

Nevertheless, Lyanne is open should there be a lot of realizations along the way, and they believe it's perfectly okay, "We are ready to learn by experience and be wrong as long as it doesn’t compromise our baby’s well-being."

For first-time parents who feel they are stuck or lost with the unsolicited advice and guidance of people around them, Lyanne has this to say: "I know this might sound contradictory to my post, but always start with understanding.

"Understand that our parents or relatives who give advice have good intentions and want the best for our babies as well. We actually appreciate our parents when they give advice and guidance because it’s their way of showing how much they love us and our baby. And at the end of the day naman, we just have to be firm and remember na it’s our child, and we always have a choice to take or discard advice."

She added, first-time parents need to learn how to be kind to themselves and to take things slow. Hearing unsolicited parenting advice can make you doubt yourself and question if you’re doing the right thing, but she hopes they will enjoy the pregnancy and parenthood on their own terms.

"Remind yourself that it’s also a learning experience for you and that your child’s childhood is also your parenthood. We both have only one chance to experience this, so we deserve to be happy and experience parenthood the way we want to," she said.

"Lastly, you’re not alone. If ever you need support in any way, there are a lot of moms like us willing to support and listen whenever you’re feeling lost," Lyanne concluded.

You do you, mama and papa!

For first-time parents who need support in navigating their parenting journey, join the Smart Parenting Village Facebook community here.