9 Best Advice For First-Time Parents From Fellow Parents: 'Your Child, Your Rules'

Maybe one of the most daunting and overwhelming situations a couple can face is becoming a parent, especially for the first time. 

One moment you are just a lovey dovey couple, after a while you are confused as to what you will do first--choose an OB-Gyne, buy baby clothes, set-up the nursery, read parenting books--and so on. 

It’s like preparing for a trip where you don’t exactly know what to expect, you just know that you’re excited, overwhelmed, scared and joyful, all in one. 

An anonymous mom-to-be sought the help of other parents to prepare herself for what’s coming. She asked parents from the Smart Parenting Village about their one best advice for first time parents like her. 

The very first comment on the discussion thread, is probably a joke but really, 100% true, right? “It only takes 18-20 years before you go back to your normal life,” Gerald Sarmiento jokingly said, to lighten up the mood. 

And yes, first time parents will have a very different life from before, but it’s not always a bad thing. Here’s real advice for first time parents, from real parents:

Best Advice For First-Time Parents

1. “Your child, your rules.”

The top advice from the thread, gaining the ‘unanimous votes’ from parents is this, “You do you. Your child, your rules. Set boundaries,” Pearl Guzman shared. 

Other versions include, “Your child, your rules,” from Joan Asetre. 

Merylene Seyer mentioned why this advice is important, “Madaming unsolicited advice. Your child, your rules.”

Maybe one of the most surprising facts about child-rearing is the tremendous amount of comments and advice you’ll hear from others. From relatives, friends, even strangers. But at the end of the day, as they said, your child, your rules. 

2. “Parenting is not always by the book.” 

I wish I heard this advice when I was pregnant. I thought before that all babies are the same, that all theories can be applied to my baby, and then have the same outcome. But they are not. 

As Ana Liza De Vera said, “Parenting is not always by the book. Kaya wag mag-compare ng parenting style mo sa ibang parent since iba-iba ang bata. Gawin mo lang lahat ng bagay na may pagmamahal para sa anak mo, take note po, pagmamahal hindi pang-i-spoiled and bilang magulang kayo ang nakakaalam kung anong makakabuti para sa anak ninyo.”

'Every family is unique, every child is unique. Do what works for your child and your family.' -Nick Fernandez

Nick Fernandez further explained this, “There is no one size fits all advice. Every single thing you do, no matter how many books you read or how many people you talk to-- Every single thing you do you will only really figure out once you cross that bridge. Every family is unique, every child is unique. Do what works for your child and your family.”

And it seems like parents from Smart Parenting Village had a common vibe. Ayeen Valdezco-Regalado also said, “You'll cross the bridge when you get there.  (Ergo, no amount of advice or "research" can get you ready for parenting.)”

And to explain it simply, Cherry Vi said in the discussion thread, “Pwede mag-tanong, but be selective what you will follow. Trust expert not myth. Trust your instinct because prevention is always better than cure.”

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3. “It’s okay to ask for help.”

This was mentioned by many parents in the discussion thread. Smart Parenting Mom Squad Sara May said with a smiley emoticon, “It’s okay to ask for help.”

As first time parents, we might think that we are superheroes who can do everything all at once. But the reality is we can’t. We also need to rest and recharge. Parents need to share the load of changing diapers, giving baby a bath, even taking over night shifts.

If mom and dad can’t take it anymore, never hesitate to call anyone and ask for help - lolo or lola, tito or tita, friends, even neighbors. It’s also amazing to see and witness help from others. 

RELATED: I Asked For Help Taking Care Of The Kids. I Came Out A Less Angry, Happier Mom

“Enjoy every moment and it’s ok to seek/ask for help. And matulog pag may chance,” Razzle Calomarde Rivera added.

Mikael Esquivas also said, “Seek help and rest. Oo, darna tayo pero hindi masama humingi ng tulong lalo if you're exhausted. It's a long journey so rest is essential.”

4. “Don’t compare your child.”

It’s hard not to do this especially we grew up hearing, “Uy tingnan mo yung anak ni ganito, malaki, bakit yung anak mo hindi?”

'Don't compare other kids to your child. Every child is different.' -Mikael Esquivas

But as we continue to break these generational curses, Anne B. Tan shared a reminder not only for first time parents, “Don’t compare your child to others, iba-iba development ng bata. Comparisons often result in resentment. Resentment towards others and towards ourselves. Have patience!”

Mikael Esquivas added, “Don't compare your kids to others. But this does not mean ignore the warning signs if medyo nalalayo na sa mga milestones. Don't also compare other kids to your child. Every child is different.”

RELATED: Comparing Your Child To Others Does Not Encourage Good Behavior, Expert Says Use This Approach Instead

5. “Don’t buy everything.”

Some parents in the discussion thread vouched for this advice, “Don’t buy everything”. Pam Gcm laughingly said this and added, “Buy as you go na lang, hindi lahat kelangan.”

'Buy as you go na lang, hindi lahat kelangan.' -Smart Parenting Villager Pam 

We’ve all been there--the nesting stage when you just think that you need all those baby things. The truth is, you don’t. Maybe it’s just the hormones.

6. “Babies are tougher than you think.”

Though all of us have that instinct to “baby” our child, Mardie Jyan L. Tandog shared an important reminder, “Babies are tougher than you think. All those bumps and bruises are worth it if they have fun discovering. Guide your babies. Don't decide for them. Always watch their words with awe and curiosity. Saglit lang yan.”

Maybe not for the newborn stage, but surely, toddlers and bigger kids are tougher than we think. 

'It’s okay if you make mistakes along the way. Do not carry the guilt and move on with the lesson you learned.' -Shiela Vitobina Delos Reyes

7. “Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s okay if you make mistakes along the way. Do not carry the guilt and move on with the lesson you learned,” Shiela Vitobina Delos Reyes said. 

The perfect rationale behind this is shared by Justine, “Parenting needs to be learned too, just like any other skill. Although each parent's style is different, there are more effective and less effective styles of parenting. Luckily, marami nang resources online so we can learn more and figure out the most effective parenting techniques that work for our family.”

We don’t automatically become perfect parents the day we find out we are pregnant - we also learn along the way, and it’s okay if we make mistakes. Forgive yourself, let go and move forward. 

8. “Make time for yourself.”

Bie Tiongco shared an important reminder, especially for moms, “Make time for yourself. Make a deal with your husband or partner na 'Eto ha, kahit twice a week lang, choose the time and days para mentally ready din si partner na kunwari wednesday 8-9 PM siya lang sa baby and you will have your free time to watch Netflix or maligo ng matagal mag-body scrub conditioner, etc. Or magkape or kahit ano. Then another free hour on weekdays.' Promise, sooooobrang laking tulong neto. You will be a better mother and wife.”

April Teneza-Gervacio added, “Time management is everything.  To be the best parent, you have to be the best version of yourself, coz whatever you do, your kids will adapt from you. ”

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9. “Don’t forget your partner.”

The last but definitely not the least advice, from Mikael Esquivas, “Don’t forget your husband. Hindi ibig sabihin na may baby na eh kakalimutan na si hubby and you will neglect his needs. Kapag nagsi-alis na ang mga anak sa nest ninyo, kayong dalawa na lang ulit ang magtititigan.”

Anasus Alejo also added a reminder, “Dapat mag-asawa laging iisa--iisa ang desisyon sa budget, iisa ang desisyon sa rules sa bahay, iisa sa pagpapalaki at pagdidisiplina ng anak. At iisa ang goal sa future para laging partner to succeed and to reach whatever goal you have.”

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The list for advice goes on and on, but one thing we can say to first time parents: You are already the best parent for your baby!