Dear Parent,
In a noisy world where comments and opinions are freely given to anyone, anywhere, it can feel overwhelming when others weigh in on our personal family and decisions. We’ve all been on the receiving end of those unsolicited comments: “Bakit wala ka pang anak?” when we just got married. “Kelan niyo susundan?” when we just gave birth to the eldest. “Dapat isa pa!” when you have two kids of the same gender. It seems no matter where you are in your parenting journey or your family size, people will always have something to say.
But here’s the truth: You know what’s best for your family.
Being a parent in today’s world comes with its own set of challenges, most of which other people may not fully understand. So whatever size or shape your family might come in, always remember that each decision is personal, often shaped by circumstances invisible to others. As parents, we are responsible for our family’s well-being, happiness, and future–which entails a number of difficult decisions. Decisions that others, even extended family members might not entirely agree with–but they are ours to make.
Our decisions could be a careful and informed one–based on personal health and financial stability. It could stem from our desire to provide our child with the best care and ample resources for a good future.
Our decisions could be dictated by medical reasons–PCOS, diabetes, or APAS–making conceiving more children difficult. Such information is not something easily shared to anyone, and yet everyone has taken liberties with their comments. Always remember that we don’t know what others are going through, and that some comments, however well-intentioned, can touch on deep struggles.
Also remember that while other people might be quick to pass judgment on our child or our family, saying that our only child is “spoiled,” or that “our only son needs a kakampi na boy over his sisters”--only we know our family. Only we know how we raise our only child to be independent, or how we train our only son to respect and love his sisters. Each family has its own beauty and challenges, and there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach to parenting.
As you navigate through such unnecessary comments, it’s important to hold onto your and your family’s truth. You are doing the best for your family, and no one knows any better. Be proud of the choices you’ve made. Whether your child has siblings or not, whether you have one, three, or no children at all. You know what’s best for your family, and that’s what matters most.
Read here for things people should stop telling one and done parents.
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