Dear Parent,
You are looking in front of a mirror, wondering, “Is there another life outside parenthood?”
You then initiate a one-way dialogue, “But you’re doing well, hon, you’re very keen in making this family happy, you make sure to be present in your children’s lives, you abide by the rules of your community, and you strive to be the best spouse.”
“But how about me,” you ask, “am I the somebody I used to dream of being, someday?”
Reality check, dear parent. That someday is today—it's now. Have you placed your dreams on the back burner when the kids sprang into view? Do you ever feel guilty for wanting to have an identity outside of parenthood? Do you hold yourself culpable for dreaming a version of you beyond parenthood? Do you ever feel sorry for abandoning your dream halfway through your journey?
Don’t.
You deserve to dream a new dream. You are allowed to have another self outside parenthood. If you have the courage to chase your dreams, you will inspire your kids to do the same.
If it’s that College diploma that you failed to acquire when a baby was formed in your womb, if that’s a business you’ve been wanting to launch but kept on casting aside, if that’s a career change you’ve always been contemplating about doing but continued to postpone or if that’s about re-inventing yourself and honing a skill that will make you feel alive again–know that you deserve a chance to go for it. You have every right to define what success means to you.
But hey, nobody guarantees a smooth path to reaching one’s dreams, and others may consider parenthood as an obstacle, and it truly probably is—parenting is demanding and exhausting, yes, but as they say, it’s not over until it’s over and the best way to show your kids how to fight for who they want to be is to lead by example.
“Children are not a hindrance to our dreams. If anything, they will fuel you to drive better, to be more proactive about your dreams, but to have new dreams,” says podcaster, keynote speaker, and TV presenter Joyce Pring. And she has a point, because your children are more than enough reason to become better and feel better about yourself.
Dear parent, you are responsible for your own happiness. Your children make you happy but it’s not their responsibility to make you happy. In the same manner, they are not at fault if you feel burdened and unhappy about your life as a parent. You are strapped tightly to this role but you are free to explore other versions of you. No dream is either too big or too small as long as it drives you happy and makes you feel exactly who you are meant to be.
So fight for it, listen to that voice inside you. I’m cheering you on.
Read here to know Joyce Pring's thoughts on children and career.
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