EXCLUSIVE: Bianca Gonzalez Confesses 'Yes, I Have Had Mom Rage, And Yes, I Feel Super Guilty All The Time'

Based solely on what we see on social media, celebrity host Bianca Gonzalez appears to have everything figured out as a mom to her two daughters, Lucia, 7, and Carmen, age 4.

In an exclusive interview with Smart Parenting, Bianca shared that, like many moms, she has had her fair share of parenting struggles, particularly dealing with mom rage.

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The 40-year-old host and podcaster mentioned that she used to be a very laid-back person, but that changed when she became a mother for the first time.

"The first year with my firstborn was particularly tough, ang daming challenges. You're kind of losing your mind, and at the same time, your hormones are fluctuating," Bianca told Smart Parenting via Zoom. 

She explained how she would frequently get upset, especially when caring for a newborn. However, things became even more challenging when Carmen was born, and she also had a toddler to look after.

"Nung nagsabay sila, perfect storm na talaga. Definitely, I had mom rage. I can count naman on one hand the times I really screamed at my kids," she confessed.

"Kapag okay na ako and okay na sila, I'll say, 'Sorry, mommy shouldn't have shouted at you.'" —Bianca Gonzalez

Bianca elaborated, saying, "Like other parents, it's when parang patong-patong na, and if you think about it, hindi naman ganun kalaki yung ginawang kasalanan ng anak mo, but because of everything you've been through that day, all your mental load, nasaktuhan ka na."

READ ALSO: 'Parang Sasabog Ang Dibdib Ko' Narito Ang Iba Pang Dahilan Sa Likod Ng Mom Rage

She added, "When I screamed at Lucia, and then at Carmen, they instantly had this horrified look on their faces, and a look of fear. It's etched in your brain kasi, imagine, you love these kids more than anything else in the world, and suddenly you feel like, 'Oh my gosh, I'm a monster.' Parang may ganung feeling, which is the worst feeling."

 

 

Upon seeing that expression on her children's faces, Bianca would either apologize immediately or step away to compose herself. "Kapag okay na ako and okay na sila, I'll say, 'Sorry, mommy shouldn't have shouted at you.'"

WATCH: How Rica Peralejo Bonifacio become a calmer parent

Thanks to parenting content shared online, Bianca came across posts of Siggie Cohen, PhD., a content creator. She learned from Dr. Siggie's videos how to regulate her emotions, which also benefits her kids.

"The thing we can do with our kids when they are super sad or angry is to regulate our emotions as well. Kung lungkot na lungkot sila, or galit na galit sila, and then you shout at them, it's a tie."

"It's easier said than done to stay calm, but we just have to try again." —Bianca Gonzalez

Bianca continued, "If we can regulate our own emotions, we don't just model for them, but I read that our mother-and-child systems, is very much connected. Kapag tayo calm, we co-regulate with them, especially if your kids are 7 years old and below."

When we feel the natural impulse to react to how our kids are feeling, Dr. Siggie recommends, "Work to match your child's intensity with your calmness. To balance your child's intense expression with your calm and collected demeanor."

"They're at a 6, you are at a 3. They're at a 9, you go down at a 2." It's challenging, but it's not impossible.

READ ALSO: 'I Love My Kids More Than Anything Else In The World, But I Have A Confession' 

In the Facebook group Smart Parenting Village, moms have been sharing how they feel like 'monsters' when experiencing mom rage and yelling at their kids.

As a fellow mom, Bianca validates the feelings of other mothers and encourages them to try again. "Yes, I have had mom rage, and yes, I feel super guilty all the time. But it's just a reminder that the next time it happens, we can do better. It's easier said than done to stay calm, but we just have to try again."

Listen to Bianca Gonzalez's Paano Ba "To The Podcast episode about mom confessions with Smart Parenting's editor-in-chief Ronna Capili Bonifacio on Spotify here.