How I Became An 'Instant' Mom Of 3: Pinay Artist's Inspiring Story

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Luwalhati Vergara-Yoder spoke with Smart Parenting via Zoom, calling in from Tagbilaran City, Bohol on a Thursday morning. Her three kids were off to school, so it was the perfect time to sneak in a call.

Lu, 41, and her family have been back in the Philippines for two years now. For eight years, she was based in France as a missionary artist. She used to work as an interior designer and in campus ministries before she decided to serve through art.

^{Lu is a Filipina visual artist based in France}

She became part of Agapé France, a community of artists from different nationalities, who are passionate about serving God and nations through the creative life. Little did she know, she would meet the love of her life in 2021, and he would come as a package.

^{Lu and her artist friends in France}

Finding her 'The One'

Lu met her husband Sam online, and they eventually got married in Denmark. She was based in France, while her husband, a widower, then was based in the US. At the time, Sam has three kids: 9-year-old Samuel and 7-year-old twins, Isaac and Savannah.

"[His wife], their biological mother died of cancer," Lu shared with Smart Parenting. Syempre, nung nangyari yun, talagang devastated yung family. And then one day, si Savannah, one of the twins, went to her father. Grabe yung iyak niya. She told him, 'I want my mommy back. Can we bring her back?' Syempre, his answer was 'No, we cannot bring her back.'

"When I read his profile, it was very impressive. Nung nakita ko na he has three kids, I was like, 'Oops! I think I need to pray for this first!" —Lu Vergara Yoder

Lu continued, "And then Savannah said, 'How about we buy a mommy? Can we buy a mommy?' Eventually, she got herself together and said, 'Oh, we can pray for a mommy.' And Sam told her, 'Yeah, we really have to pray for mommy because it takes time to love each other, to love someone.' And of course, it has to be someone who also loves God and who will love them."

^{Lu and her family}

She revealed that when her husband's first wife passed away, getting married again was not in his heart that time, but Savannah's prayer opened him up to possibilities. 

On Lu's side, she also had a nephew who would pray for her to find the right one. "He would even say na, Auntie, it's so awkward but is it okay if I pray for you to already have a husband?" Lu revealed. She has been eager to find someone who has the same faith and values as her, until she found Sam.

"When I read his profile, it was very impressive. First time ko nakabasa ng ganung klaseng lalaki, how much he's passionate about serving people, serving God. It was very creative and well-written, may poem pa. But, of course, everything was beautiful, nung nakita ko na he has three kids, I was like, 'Oops! I think I need to pray for this first!" she shared.

Eventually, they got married, and Lu met Sam's kids for the first time in Cebu in September 2022. "He really prepared the kids well, so they were not awkward to me. They were very affectionate, and very comfortable."

^{Lu and her family in Bohol}

They decided to settle in Bohol, her mom's hometown. What made her and the kids bond was homeschooling. "I would say I'm not a good teacher but I love empowering people. So, parang encouraging them. Pero hindi ako magaling sa detalye sa pagtuturo. But I taught them art syempre, halinhinan kami ni Sam sa mga subjects," Lu shared.

Transitioning as a mom

From living alone in France for eight years, Lu suddenly had three kids who would follow her wherever she goes. "Ako kababalik ko lang sa Pilipinas, sila first time nila. I think the challenging part was parang nasa Pilipinas ka but you're always with four people who are different from you. Sometimes they enjoy talking about what they miss. Hindi ako maka-connect."

"Sometimes, people call it "stepmom" or say, "Oh, the kids are not yours," but no, they are mine. They are my kids!" —Lu Vergara Yoder

She adds, "Pero syempre, doon papasok talaga yung communication, how I connect with my husband, and how I share my life sa mga bata. In a family, communication is very important. Also, getting to know them individually kasi each one is unique."

^{Lu painting with her daughter Savannah} 

Lu reflects, "Blessing talaga that I have a husband who's very supportive. It's a very beautiful journey. We're still, of course, getting to know each other and myself."

Raising her husband's kids as her own

"Sometimes, people call me "stepmom" or say, "Oh, the kids are not yours," but no, they are mine. They are my kids!" Lu stresses. She believes that although they are not related by blood, they love each other with all their hearts.

Reading stories of other women who married widowers also helped her adjust to her new life. "They would always say, it's challenging, but it's worth it to love these people and nurture them," Lu said. She recalled that she has also been open to the idea of adoption to build a family. 

^{Lu and her family at Bohol Bee Farm, where her artworks are on display}

She adds, "Husband and wife are not blood-related but the love they share is deep and real. My children and I may not be blood-related but I love them with all my heart and life! Everyday our life is like a blank canvas, or in the case of my art, everyday our life is like a blank paper ready to be beautifully and painstakingly painted and sculptured!"

Lu as an artist

Currently, Lu is still introducing herself and her art to the Filipino audience. She is known for two types of art: ink on sculptured paper and illustrations. For the first one, she lets the ink dance with the water and then she thoughtfully and painstakingly sculpts patterns on specialized paper. For illustrations, she's been busy creating pieces about Bohol.

^{One of Lu's artworks: ink on sculptured paper}

She has been joining art fairs and exhibits in Manila, Cebu, and Bohol. Her husband, aside from being her number one cheerleader, also collaborates with her through his poetry and through wood carvings. Last year, they were able to hold their first art exhibit as a family in Cebu, "The creative process and art fair were both a meaningful journey for us as a family," she said.

^{Another of Lu's masterpieces}

When she's not painting, Lu assists Sam, who is the only English-speaking preacher in their church. They helped start a non-profit organization that has been helping church workers, survivors of Typhoon Odette, which strongly hit Bohol in 2021, and an orphanage.  

^{Lu's family serving in a Bohol church}

They also manage a rental home, where her artworks are also displayed. 

Greatest lesson about parenthood and art

Lu shared that if there's one thing parenthood and art taught her, it's to ask for wisdom. 

"Wisdom is character siya ni God, na para siyang nagwi-weave all throughout the fabric of life. If you choose to make a good decision or a wise decision, you work with wisdom. If you choose to make a bad decision, you work against it. So it's like you're painting your life with wisdom. So in parenthood, you really design life with your family, with your kids na, 'Okay, magagalit ako ngayon, ito yung mangyayari. If I'll be bitter today, ito yung mangyayari.' Or if I choose to be, you know, be silent and think first before I say words that can also design our day to be, you know, paint our day whether it will be colorful or it will be black and white," she explained.

Check out Lu's works at Bohol Bee Farm, Chido Cafe, and on her website here.