Gay Dad Tells Son, 'Kahit Hindi Normal Ang Ating Pamilya, Gagawin Natin Siyang Punong-Puno Ng Pagmamahal'

Dan Cabrera, 42, is a director and choreographer for TV shows, commercials, and events. He is a proud member of the LGBTQIA+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, queer, intersex, asexual, pansexual, and allies) community, and a staunch advocate of the Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity and Expression, and Sex Characteristics (SOGIESC) bill.

But his best role yet is being Tatay Dan to a hyper 3-year-old boy named Peter Aslan.

In time for Pride month, he shared with Smart Parenting his journey of coming out, staying together, becoming a dad, and building a family.

Coming out

Dan mentioned that he has always loved being with kids. In fact, he used to be a preschool teacher in Brunei where he met his current partner Marcos Ukul.

When he was younger, Dan became exposed to the arts. Some of his schoolmates then were successful artists like Karylle and Ice Seguerra. His mom was his number one supporter, and she would always stand by him in whatever path he chose.

Even when it came to his relationships, especially his romantic ones, Dan said, "When I went to high school, I started wondering kung ano ba ako. I had girlfriends, a few of them actually, and later in college, I had my first boyfriend."

His brother Jojo was one of the first ones to know and accept him and his preference. "The comfort of someone telling you, 'Kahit ano ka pa, kahit anong preference mo, okay lang we will support you.' He added, 'Alam na naman ata ng lahat, hindi ko lang sinasabi.'"

He described his journey of finding himself as "Masaya, magulo, na nakakatakot, na exciting!"

READ ALSO: 'Give A Hundred Percent Support' See How These Parents Accepted Their LGBTQ Kids

Staying together

Fast forward to today, Dan has been in a relationship with Marc for 16 years now. When asked what helps keep the fire burning, he said that they try to treat their relationship as normal as possible.

"A lot of people are treating gay relationships as parang special, or dapat it takes a lot of effort, but we just take it one day at a time," he explains.

"We know each other's responsibilities. Sa bahay, alam niya yung dapat niyang gawin, alam mo yung dapat mong gawin. Sa sayaw nga, we call it a good choreography. And it goes with everything, from work to the relationship to Aslan."

Building a family

"When I was teaching kids, doon ko siya na-meet sa Brunei. Nakita ko din yung passion niya at pagmamahal niya sa mga bata," Dan tells Smart Parenting.

That's when he knew Marc was the one. Little did he know they would have a child themselves.

Even before they got together, Dan had been fond of volunteering at CRIBS Foundation, a non-profit organization focused on caring for children in need of special protection. He would give the kids dance lessons, and Marc eventually joined in, spending a lot of time there as well.

One time, one of the volunteers there asked them, "Have you ever considered being foster parents to a child?"

Dan didn't see it coming, knowing that for a same-sex couple like them, the journey wouldn't be easy.

"Parehas kaming bakla! I'm sure there's going to be a problem with that!" he said. However, because they both love children and having a child would be a dream come true, they became more and more interested about foster parenting.

In 2019, they were blessed with a child.

Raising Aslan

"Since day zero nandoon kami. Ang sarap pala ng feeling nung sinabing, 'Asan po si Sir Daniel Cabrera? Andito na po yung anak niyo.' It was a beautiful feeling. 'Yung sinasabi nilang napakasaya ng puso mo. Ganun pala yung totoong masaya," he tells Smart Parenting.

It was during the peak of the pandemic when they were raising Aslan as first-time parents. Dan called the time a "beautiful disaster" since they had no choice but to spend every day together.

"Walang libro ang pwede makapag-prepare sa'yo pag nagkaroon ka na ng anak." --Dan Cabrera

"I'm blessed to have Marc in my life. Ako yung day shift, siya yung night shift," he narrates.

But parenting, just like for anyone else, doesn't come easy. Dan admits he would get very anxious when Aslan catches a fever or gets sick.

"Before dumating si Aslan, nagbabasa na kami ng books [about parenting]. Walang libro ang pwede makapag-prepare sa'yo pag nagkaroon ka na ng anak," he said.

He also said that becoming a father made him look up to other parents more.

READ ALSO: Love Makes A Family: Team Tarah On How LGBTQ+ Couples Can Build Families Through Surrogacy

"Taas ang kamay ko sa lahat ng nanay at tatay. Iba yung respeto na naramdaman ko nung meron na kong sarili. Dun mo ma-a-appreciate pala na, 'No, girl, you don't know.' 'Yung pag may magsasabi sa'yo na wala pang anak na dapat ganito gawin mo, 'Girl, di mo alam kung gaano kahirap,'" he said.

With his hectic work schedule and wanting to be a good father, he's grateful to have Ate Connie, who helps him at home in raising Aslan. Dan reveals he recently found the courage to ask for professional help, and he was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

Living with fears

"Nung pandemic, I would always think about 'Kaya ko ba 'to?' But God has really been amazing," he shares.

"Yung fear ko, lalaki ba siyang tanggap? Saan namin ipapasok [na school] si Aslan? Paano kung gusto namin siya pag-aralin tapos nireject siya ng school dahil nga dalawang bakla yung tatay niya?" --Dan Cabrera

His inspiration remains to be his mom, and he is grateful to the people who supported him through and through. "I am what I am right now because of the people who surrounded me growing up," he says.

He added, "Yun din yung gusto ko mangyari kay Aslan—lumaki siya na napapaligiran ng mga taong punong-puno ng pagmamahal."

When asked if he has fears for his son, Dan responded that fear is his friend.

"Yung fear ko, lalaki ba siyang tanggap? Saan namin ipapasok [na school] si Aslan? Paano kung gusto namin siya pag-aralin tapos nireject siya ng school dahil nga dalawang bakla yung tatay niya?"

He added, "Kapag nakapasok siya, tatanggapin ba siya ng mga classmates niya pag nalaman na dalawa ang ama niya?"

Nevertheless, he doesn't let these thoughts get the best of him. He gets real and says, "The best thing we can do is to be with him, for him, all the way. 'Yung society natin, masyadong judgmental. Kahit nga normal na parents na may anak may masasabi sila, what more kung may dalawang tatay yung anak."

"Magsisipag kami, lalaban kami, ipagsisigawan namin sa mundo kung ano kami, dahil nga we deserve the same equal rights as with everybody else because we love you, and we will fight for you." --Dan Cabrera

If there's one thing he can tell his son, Dan said, "I will be there for you with you, anytime, any day. Nandito lang kaming dalawa ng tatay mo. Ako, si Tatay Dan, at si Daddy Marc, will be there for you no matter what."

"Kahit hindi normal ang ating pamilya, gagawin natin siyang punong-puno ng pagmamahal. 'Yun ang kaya naming ibigay sayo. Magsisipag kami, lalaban kami, ipagsisigawan namin sa mundo kung ano kami, dahil nga we deserve the same equal rights as with everybody else because we love you, and we will fight for you."

Message to LGBTQIA+ community who want to have children too

With Dan's bittersweet story comes a call to action, not only for his fellow LGBTQIA+ members but also for the government to pass the SOGIESC bill.

"Sana suportahan talaga natin ang bill na ito. Proteksyon namin ito para sa aming mga mahal at mga anak. Nakikiusap ako sa lahat ng community, magtulungan tayo, especially our allies in the government, including Senator Risa Hontiveros Baraquel."

To his fellow LGBTQIA+ members who also hope to raise children of their own, he says, "Go for it. Hindi niyo malalaman kung hindi niyo susubukan. Iba yung kaligayahan, iba rin yung hirap. It's going to be a crazy journey. But it's worth it. It's worth it."

Read what an expert advises parents to do if their child comes out to them, here.