Mom Asks Why It's Wrong To Have Dad Inside A Female Restroom To Help Change Baby's Diaper

Being a parent comes with new and unique challenges that you never thought you would encounter.

An anonymous mom shared in the Facebook group Smart Parenting Village her unpleasant experience in a mall in Pasig, where she needed help changing her one-year-old son's diaper. While this may seem easy for some parents, we can't dismiss the challenges faced by others.

"How would you feel if there is a man, particularly a dad, helping out his wife changing the diaper of their child in the ladies' room at the mall? Would you feel bothered by it?" the mom asked fellow parents in her post last March.

According to her, they live in the province, and it was their first time visiting that particular mall to attend a baby fair. Her child soiled his diaper and needed a change.

Since the diaper-changing table was located inside the ladies' restroom, she thought it would be acceptable to ask her husband for help. They attempted to use the restroom for Persons with Disability (PWD), but the maintenance personnel informed them that it was exclusively for PWDs.

She mentioned, "Our baby is one year old, literally parang crocodile kapag nakahiga palitan ng diaper so nakastand siya while hawak ng daddy niya."

"To my surprise, nilapitan kami ng maintenance personnel, saying, "Ma'am, sorry po, bawal po si sir dito sa loob, may nagrereklamo po,"" she added.

"Sabi ko, "Ate, sorry wala kaming ibang kasama, alangan namang mag isa ako."

She then wondered why the women in the restroom would complain and feel unsafe with her husband's presence, considering that he was only there to assist in changing their baby's diaper.

"Nainis talaga ako sa totoo lang," she said.

She mentioned that they had done the same thing in another mall, but in the men's restroom, without any negative reactions. "Walang masama ang tingin o complain whatsoever." 

"Are we really in the wrong here or talagang women are just mean towards other women? Parang kasalanan ko kasi di ko kaya palitan ng ako lang yung anak ko," she continued.

"Maybe we should have separate restrooms for parents, 'no?" she concluded.

READ ALSO: Wish Granted: Dad Gets Diaper-changing Table in Men's Bathroom

Parents weigh in

Parents in the comment section had mixed reactions to the mom's post.

Some suggested that she should consider the feelings of other women in the restroom and criticized her for being selfish because her needs were not accommodated.

Others questioned why she couldn't change her child's diaper on her own.

"I guess kanya kanya tayo ng situations and mindset. I won't justify what we did, but all I know is we did what we thought is best at that moment - not for us but for our child. It's not like wala kaming pakialam sa inyo we have a need and this is what we want, it's more of that's the best option for us that time," the anonymous mom explained.

She also mentioned an incident when her baby bumped his head while she was changing his diaper alone.

"I change his diaper alone nung baby pa siya, and I can do it fast and easy. But now, he's a toddler and boy it's not that easy. If you can do it, good for you. But the same way as we don't want to impose our perspective to others, let us not impose what moms can and cannot do," she said.

READ ALSO: This Is What Paolo Valenciano Realized While Changing His Newborn Son's Diaper

"To clarify, hindi kami nagalit sa maintenance personnel. I felt offended by the action of the person who complained because for me, seeing a man helping out his wife is not an issue because may cubicles naman, and he's not there to look at other people do their stuff, stalk or whatever. He's there to assist and to help out and if others find that unacceptable, I cannot blame them for that because the world is scary and there may be bad guys everywhere."

"But you know what's also scary? Having too much expectations on moms, that by this time dapat kaya mo na, 1 year old na hindi mo pa mapalitan mag-isa and other comments questioning your capabilities as a mom," she added.

She firmly stated, "The intention of my post is to understand why that person had to complain and now I have ideas why, thank you to those who answered."

Need for more family-friendly restrooms in PH malls

Meanwhile, other parents empathized with her, pointing out the urgent need for malls to provide more family-friendly restrooms and lounges.

One mom suggested, "Malls should have a baby & mama center like Robinsons. I enjoy going to Robinsons in San Fernando kasi they have a space for us for changing, washing and breastfeeding."

"Sa ganitong kaso, malls really need to level up. Malls [are] where family goes. Sana lahat at least 2 and PWD CR at lahat may diaper-changing station so families can use them when needed," said another mom.

READ: Pinay Moms Share Their Favorite Breastfeeding Stations in Manila Malls

Some parents also shared best practices in other countries.

"Definitely Pinas needs a “family-friendly” bathroom just like in Australia and US."

Another mom said, "Yan ang hirap sa atin sa Pinas, wala man lang baby’s changing room sa mga malls or public places. Dito sa bansa kung nasaan kami, lahat ng malls and public parks may changing room ng babies kahit isang pamilya pa kayo sa loob."

One mom pointed out, "This incident could be a wake up call sa mga estalishments to provide a facility that could resolve this, such as installing also a diaper-changing station sa men's CR (really helpful for single parents)."

New mom Janina Mercado Medina shared with Smart Parenting her experience of going to malls in Singapore.

"Isa sa mga paborito ko sa SG eh ung nagkalat ang mga breastfeeding rooms. Automatic na may kasamang breastfeeding and changing rooms ang mga toilets sa SG. Showing that they give importance to moms and babies. Ang layo pa natin sa ganito, pero sana papunta na rin."

Janina also shared a photo of her husband changing her daughter's diaper inside a restroom in a zoo and at the Changi Airport.

"Ang hirap nga dito satin kasi nasa mom lang ang burden ng pagpapalit ng diaper," she added.

In the US, there is a law signed in 2016 called Bathrooms Accessible in Every Situation Act, a.k.a the BABIES Act, which requires men's and women's restrooms of "publicly accessible federal buildings" to have safe and sanitary diaper changing tables for babies ages 3 and younger. 

 This photo was taken at a male restroom in a Barnes & Noble store in New York City. 

READ ALSO: Diaper-Changing Tables in Men's Restrooms: Yay or Nay?

The anonymous mom concluded her post by saying, "I believe that a little kindness and compassion would go a long way, and I'm not any less of a mom if I can't change my child's diaper by myself. Moms are allowed to ask for help," she reminded.

She expressed that while it's a learning experience for everyone, parents have the right to feel their emotions and express their thoughts.

If you know of any malls in Metro Manila with family-friendly restrooms, share them with the parents at Smart Parenting Village here.