Two Kids And Three Truths: Lessons As a New Mom Of Two

Welcome to Real Parenting, a space where parents can share the joys, pain, and the mess of parenthood. Want to get something off your chest? Share your parenting journey? Email us at smartparentingsubmissions@gmail with the subject "Real Parenting." Click here to read more 'Real Parenting' stories.

Hi, it's me. The one who wrote about being a mom of almost two kids. Looking back on all my worries then, I’d like to share a glimpse of how we are now doing with two kids (my little one is almost two years old!), and the three truths I learned to live by since:

The first few months were the toughest. When my body was still recovering, adjusting to breastfeeding, and waking up every three to four hours round the clock to feed Ciara (baby #2), Sophia (my eldest, then 3 years old) would camp outside our bedroom door, throwing a major tantrum to be let inside the room.

During that time, her yaya would be focused on taking care of her while I concentrated on Ciara. It wasn't easy because Ciara needed me physically 24/7 and I couldn’t give the same amount of attention that I used to give Sophia before.

What I Learned As A Mom Of 2

Truth #1: “They’re adjusting, just like you.”

These words resonated with me every time I would bury my face in my hands, not knowing what to do. When frustration and mental fatigue threaten to double, and Sophia would throw a fit for the nth time, I would remind myself of this truth. I am adjusting, and my child is too.

Her head is trying to get around the new world that she now lives in. I would explain to Sophia every time that Ciara needs me for her milk and that she cannot eat solid foods yet, so she has to be with me most of the time. As a three-year-old, I saw how this new piece of information tried to make its way to her brain. It was only when Ciara was already several months old, when this truth started to hit home for Sophia.

Our new bedtime routine went like this: I would put Ciara to sleep first and then Sophia. Since we share the same room, I would ask Sophia to watch videos on my phone while I put Ciara to sleep, but she had to turn off the volume to keep Ciara from waking up because of the noise. Fortunately, this new arrangement was okay with my eldest. I suppose as long as she had moving pictures on the screen, it was fine with her.

The moment I knew she understood was weeks later when Ciara wasn't in the room. It was just the two of us in the room, and she was watching videos without sound (out of habit). Then she turned to me and asked, "Mommy, can I have sound? Ciara is not here, anyway."

That's when I realized that she got it. She was becoming more aware and was willing to adjust to her sister's needs, even at her young age. I was so proud of her at that moment, and I knew she was growing to love her sister, too.

TRUTH #2: “It’s not meant to be perfect.”

A huge caveat though: parenthood will surprise you time and again. One day your kids are kind and sensitive, the next day they will be catfighting over the newest toy in their crate. My two daughters are in this stage of calling dibs on the toys given to them. “Mine” is Ciara’s most used word at the moment, and they would be on each other’s nerves 80% of the time.

'I am learning and relearning, picking up nuggets of wisdom and tricks on my sleeve as I go. So as my little ones grow, I see myself grow, too.'

There are days when I would do a recap on what I did to mess them up: nurture or nature? Are they like this because they were born like this? Or did I do or say something that made them this way? Before I know it, I am spiraling down the parenthood blackhole of regrets and remorse. But parents who have gone before me (God bless their living souls) would shush me and tell me that they are kids and that it's normal for them to act out and to fight sometimes.

Siblings are growing up with different developmental milestones so it’s normal to have this tension at home. While Sophia likes to build and organize her crayons in neat rows these days, Ciara likes to break said crayons into pieces… then smile at her sister’s reaction after. It's actually kind of funny when you start seeing the humor in it.

So it's fine. They're fine. It’s never perfect. They’ll hug it out eventually because at the end of the day, they’re siblings.

TRUTH #3: “There are days when it’s double the trouble, but so are the days when it’s double the fun.”

Having two small kids, you have to do most of the things twice over. Yes, I will not sugarcoat it, my back hurts more now that there are two kids. It’s also twice as expensive. You have to prepare two bowls of food every meal time, bathe two of them, put them down to sleep every naptime and every night, pack two sets of everything for trips.

But it’s also easier on some days because they entertain each other. I see them challenge each other; when one of them tries to do something, the other one follows suit. It’s a joy seeing them grow up together and seeing them enjoy each other’s company is priceless.

Life has been interesting, fun, and crazy as a now-mom-of-two. I am learning and relearning, picking up nuggets of wisdom and tricks on my sleeve as I go. So as my little ones grow, I see myself grow, too.

I hope to pass down these truths to them one day when they become moms themselves. When that day comes, I hope they will be kinder to themselves, lean on each other, and comfort each other through tough parenthood moments and say: "It's going to be okay. Remember what mom and dad used to say..."

Want to learn to be more patient even if you don't consider yourself to be a patient person? Read this article.


Joy Buena-Cabilla is a mom to two daughters, social media manager and writer, and wife to Dennis. She also hosts creative journaling and writing workshops for children.