‘I Got Nothing Special For Mother’s Day; Kahit Pala Sanay Ka Na, Masakit Pa Din ‘No?’

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Gusto ko lang mag labas ng sama ng loob kasi I really have no one to talk to. My family did nothing special for Mother's Day. Umiyak lang ako sa sobrang sama ng loob. Kahit pala sanay kana, masakit pa din ‘no? I don't know if masyado lang akong OA or ano, pero sobrang lungkot ko talaga. Especially na nalaman ko na si LIP (live-in partner) nag-p-plan ng pa-outing niya with his fam.

Valid po ba na makaramdam ako ng inis? Like ako, ni hindi man lang mabilihan ng regalo kada birthday and Mother’s Day o mailabas man lang, pero sa family niya gusto niya ubusin yung makukuha niya sa work para sa outing. May trabaho naman lahat ng kapatid niya, pero gusto niya siya pa din gagastos. 

I know family niya ‘yun, pero paano naman kami ng anak ko? I never felt na priority niya kami. Gusto ko nang umalis pero naiisip ko palagi ‘yung saya ng anak ko ‘pag kasama papa niya, kahit hindi siya masyadong inaalagaan. 

Maraming beses na din namin itong pinagtalunan, but nothing really changes kahit pa i-iyak ko lahat ng sama ng loob ko. Hindi ka talaga maiintindihan ng isang taong hindi ka gustong intindihin. That's what I learn in our relationship.

Belated Happy Mother's Day sa ating mga nanay na pilit kinakaya ang lahat kahit sobrang bigat na.

What other parents are saying: 

1. It might be deeper than Mother’s Day.

One mom advised, “If you have the urge to move out, with a side comment na hindi na-a-alagaan ni LIP ang bata, baka may mas malalim pang mga sakit, at sa Mother’s Day ito nag build up kaya ka nalungkot ng sobra. The facts around it (like, yung means ng pag gastos niya sa ibang bagay) ay highlighted na lang sa dami ng sakit na nararamdaman mo.

She adds, “Valid yan. Pero maliban sa validity and affirmation sa SPV, spend tim to sit down and ask yourself kung ano ‘yung ideal situation at disposition mo sa bahay at sa relationship ninyo.“‘Pag nahanap mo na ang gusto mo, oras na para naman sa practice conversation with LIP (‘pag ‘di ka pa sanay sa confrontation, write it down) and then yung actual honest and respectful conversation with him.”

2. Don’t tolerate it if you don’t like it.

Mom Miles Benagua said, "With all due respect, I know madaming hindi married couples ang committed naman sa isa't-isa, still, but the fact na hidi kayo married, it means hindi ikaw ang priority. He still belongs to his family kahit pa may anak kayo and malinaw naman yun sa pag gastos niya. 

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“Kadalasan, kung asan ang pera mo, nandoon ang puso mo. Clearly, wala sayo yung heart kasi if nasa sa’yo, aalagaan ka niyan.She adds, “I strongly recommend to slowly train your heart to fall out of love then prepare to be financially capable quietly, para when the time comes, madali nalang mag-walk away. Crawl, walk, and run.Di mo kailangan mag-tiyaga sa ganyang sitwasyon. You deserve what you tolerate though, so pick your poison but know you have the power to have a lovely life.”

3. Prepare financially, if you think you will want to leave.

“‘Pag hindi ikaw ang priority, mahirap na ‘yun. Hindi reason ang hindi kayo kasal, kasi ikaw pa din ang asawa at nanay ng anak niya. It’s either kausapin mo siya for the last time, sabihin mo lahat ng nararamdaman mo and ‘pag walang pagbabago then leave,” said another mom.

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She adds, “Mahirap yang ganiyan ang nararamdaman mo, wala kang peace of mind pagpatuloy na ganiyan so patuloy ka din na masasaktan. Love yourself, Momsh… Pwede mo din gawin same treatment. Tutal ganiyan siya sa’yo, gawin mo din sa kaniya. Paramdam mo gaano kasakit tapos ikaw dedmahin mo siya and find ways na may pagkakitaan ka at makaipon ka para pag naisip mong umalis eh may magagamit ka. Hugs, Momsh.”