An Open Letter To Girl Dads: You Will Set The Standard For Your Daughter On What To Expect From Men

Dear #GirlDad,

Nine years into fatherhood, I can confidently say that being a dad to a daughter has had its fair share of moments of joy, pride, and amazement. But there have also been moments of challenges, anxiety, and fear. In writing you this letter, I hope that you will realize that you play an important role in your daughter’s development and much of what you do as a parent can help determine how your daughter will grow up. Apart from this, I also want to share what you can do to be a better #GirlDad.  

Dads matter 

As a father, the first thing you need to realize is that you are not just a provider and you have an important role to play in your daughter’s life. Studies have shown that daughters with a good and healthy relationship with their dads benefit physically, psychologically, and socially as they grow and mature.

This means that what you do and what you say as a dad can tremendously help your daughter do better in school, in their future careers, and more importantly, in their relationships. Having said this, it is now up to you to make sure that your words and actions are geared toward boosting your daughter’s self-esteem so she can confidently reach for her dreams and take on life’s challenges.  

Your words matter 

One of the easiest ways to boost your daughter’s confidence and self-esteem is by using words of affirmation when you speak with her. Research has shown that a father’s words have an influence on a girl’s self-image and confidence. So when you say things like “You are so brave” and “I am so proud of you” and “You are so smart,” you give them a confidence boost and they will feel like they can achieve anything.

Affirming words like “You are so pretty” and “You are beautiful just the way you are” can help also boost their self-image. These show that when you say that she is beautiful, she will believe it. When you say that she is smart, she will believe it. And when you say that she can accomplish anything, she will believe she can. So choose what you say wisely. Your words matter.  

You set the standard 

As a dad, you also have a big influence on the types of relationships she will enter into as she grows up and as an adult. Research has also shown that girls and women take their cue in relationships on how their dads treated them and their wives or partners. If they saw that their dads treated them and their wives with respect, they will also expect respect from others, especially from the other men in their lives.

'You have the power to set the standard on what they should expect from the men in their lives.' —JR Santiago

This means that how you treat your daughter and their mother will have a lasting impact on them. In other words, you have the power to set the standard on what they should expect from the men in their lives. This is a great gift we can give our daughters as they navigate their way through the complexities of the romantic relationships they will have in the future.  

It will feel like a slow goodbye at times 

I know that what I have said so far feels like we are there to prepare our daughters to face the world without us and being a #GirlDad seems like a process of preparing to say goodbye to them when they set out in the world or build their own families. In a sense, that is true but as parents, that is exactly what we are supposed to do. To prepare our kids to face the world with confidence and a strong belief that they can achieve anything.

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It’s just that for #GirlDads, this is bittersweet since for us, our daughters will always be our baby, our princess, and the apple of our eye and the thought of them leaving our home brings us a sense of dread and sadness. The good news though is that up until that happens, there is still so much joy we can get from being involved fathers to our daughters and there is still so much we can do to help them do better as they grow up.

So take heart, because as long as they need us, and as long as we can, we can always be there for them.  

Be present 

What I have said so far can help us be better #GirlDads to help our daughters do better in the future. But as we strive to be better fathers to help them as they grow up, let us also not forget to enjoy the present moments with them.

Let us not forget to enjoy their cute giggles and how our hearts melt when they come running to us saying “Dada!” Let us not forget to enjoy playing with them and yes even when they put make-up on us. Let us not forget to enjoy taking them out for ice cream and the movies.

Let us not forget to enjoy the times we hear them laugh at our corny dad jokes. And most importantly, let us not forget to enjoy every hug, every kiss, and every “I love you, Daddy” we hear. Enjoy each moment with them since you’ll never know when it will be the last time.  
 
So, I urge you to be there, be present, be involved, and love each moment of being a #GirlDad. It makes everything and every second of being a dad worth it. I swear.  
 
 
Sincerely,  

 
Your fellow #GirlDad 

JR Santiago is a father of one and founder of Dadvocacy Community, an advocacy on Facebook and Instagram that encourages and inspires Dads to be more involved parents. He is also a co-founder of an online Facebook Group for dads by dads called Dad Tribe PH.