Parents Show Bias For Daughters, New US Study Says

Ever asked your parents if they had a favorite child, and despite their claims of loving you all equally, you still weren't quite convinced? Well, you might be on to something. New research published by the American Psychological Association (APA) reveals that parents are likely to favor daughters, as well as children who are conscientious and agreeable.

It turns out that parents might unknowingly play favorites with one child based on factors like birth order, gender, temperament, and personality. The study examined a wealth of data and uncovered some surprising patterns that contradict the usual stereotypes. It also provided answers on the various ways favoritism affects family dynamics.

"For decades, researchers have known that differential treatment from parents can have lasting consequences for children," said Alexander Jensen, PhD, an associate professor at Brigham Young University and the study's lead author. "This study helps us understand which children are more likely to be on the receiving end of favoritism, which can be both positive and negative."

Who Gets the "Favorite Child Award"?

APA's study, published in Psychological Bulletin, did a meta-analysis of 30 peer-reviewed articles and dissertations, looking at data from 19,469 participants. The researchers explored how parental favoritism is linked to birth order, gender, temperament, and personality traits.

The study found that both mom and dads are more likely to favor daughters, challenging the stereotype that mothers prefer daughters while fathers favor sons. It also suggests that traits commonly found in daughters, such as emotional expressiveness and agreeableness, help parents connect with them more easily.

But the participants didn't perceive any favoritism; daughters didn't feel more favored than sons, and vice versa. Although parents may find daughters "easier" to parent, making small adjustments in their approach, these differences are subtle enough that siblings don't notice.

Additionally, children who are conscientious, meaning they're responsible and organized, are also likely to receive favorable treatment. Jensen explains that these traits make children simpler to manage, prompting a more positive response from parents.

The Role of Birth Order

Birth order has long been a topic of debate in family dynamics. Traditionally, the eldest child is seen as the responsible caretaker, setting an example for younger siblings. Middle children are often stereotyped as peacemakers or overlooked. Finally, the youngest is perceived as the family's "baby", receiving more leniency or attention. 

While these patterns aren't universal, they continue to shape how families perceive sibling roles. The study found that parents were more likely to grant greater autonomy to older siblings because of their maturity. However, this additional responsibility might not always feel like favoritism to the eldest children themselves.

The researchers also observed that parental favoritism doesn't exist in a vacuum. Factors such as the child's age, the parent's gender, and even the methods used to measure favoritism may influence the dynamics. However, these effects were generally minimal, highlighting the complexity of family relationships.

How Favoritism Shows Up

"Are you saying I'm unfair?"
"No, Ma. I'm saying you have your favorites."

This iconic exchange from Bobbie during the confrontation scene in the film Four Sisters and a Wedding has become a memorable moment in pop culture. And if you've ever related to the line, hugs! This is your validation: parental favoritism isn't a myth. Most parents won't admit it, but they have a hidden favorite, and some may not even realize it.

Favoritism often manifests subtly but can have lasting effects on children's mental health and family dynamics. For example, a parent might instinctively turn to one child for advice or comfort during tough times, or one sibling might receive more leniency for missing chores, while the other is held to stricter standards.

Even during celebrations like birthdays or graduations, excessive gestures of pride or affirmation for the "golden" child, though natural in the moment, can make their siblings feel less valued. Recognizing these situations can help parents identify and address such patterns more effectively.

Here are some common ways favoritism can manifest:

Overall Treatment
This refers to general differences in parents' behavior toward their children. Do you find yourself being more patient with one child than another? Or perhaps offering one child more attention or praise? These small differences can add up and become noticeable to siblings over time. 

Positive Interactions
Favoritism often shows in moments of affection and encouragement. For example, you might spend more time praising one child's achievements or offering them extra hugs and verbal affirmations. While this might feel natural in the moment, it can make other children feel left out or less valued.

Negative Interactions
On the other hand, favoritism can also manifest in how criticism or discipline is applied. Do you tend to be harder on one child while letting another off the hook more easily? Unequal treatment in handling mistakes or misbehavior can cause resentment among siblings.

Resource Allocation
This involves how parents distribute resources like money, opportunities, or time. For instance, paying for one child's extracurricular activities while overlooking another's interests can create feelings of imbalance and favoritism.

Control and Autonomy
Favoritism can also surface in how much freedom you grant each child. Older siblings might receive more autonomy, which can feel like a reward, while younger ones might feel micromanaged or overly protected. Conversely, younger siblings might enjoy leniency that older siblings never had.

These dynamics can be tricky to navigate, but understanding them is the first step toward creating a more balanced family environment.

The Impact on Siblings Dynamics

Favoritism affects the entire family, not just the favored child. Studies have shown that siblings who feel less favored often experience lower self-esteem, leading them to question their worth, even into adulthood.

Favoritism can strain sibling bonds, leading to competition, jealousy, or long-term resentment. It can create tension between children and their parents, especially if favoritism is seen as blatant or unfair.

Additionally, less-favored children may act out to gain attention or withdraw entirely, further complicating family dynamics. On the other hand, favored children might feel pressure to live up to expectations, which can also be stressful.

By recognizing these potential consequences, parents can take proactive steps to address favoritism and its effects.

Why Do Parents Favor Certain Children?

While the study highlights patterns of favoritism, it doesn't fully explain why these biases occur. Still, it touches on how several factors may contribute to these patterns:

Personal Alignment
Parents may unconsciously favor children whose personalities align with their values or preferences. For instance, a parent who values responsibility might naturally gravitate toward a conscientious child.

Ease of Parenting
Children who are easier to manage, whether due to temperament or behavior, might receive more positive attention simply because they require less effort or cause less stress.

Cultural and Societal Influences
Cultural norms can shape parental expectations and behaviors. In some cultures, older siblings are expected to take on more responsibility, while younger ones are seen as needing more care or protection.

Treating Children Fairly

For parents, here are some practical tips to ensure fairness in your parenting:

First, recognize any biases. Take a moment to reflect on whether you might be unintentionally showing favoritism. Being aware is the first step toward change.
Talk openly with your children about how they feel. Also try to spend quality one-on-one time with each child, focusing on their unique interests and needs to make sure they feel valued as individuals.

Next, be mindful of discipline. Aim for consistency when handling misbehavior and explain your reasoning to avoid any feelings of unfair treatment. 

Ultimately, it's not about treating every child exactly the same (though you can try) but ensuring that each one feels loved and valued. By understanding the factors behind favoritism, families can strengthen their relationships and maybe even put an end to the debate over who's the favorite.

And for children, don't let labels define your worth. Communicate openly with your parents, and remember that love isn't always about favoritism.

Click here for practical tips on raising siblings without intense rivalry.