'Added An Ally, Removed A Bully': How A Mom Told Her Child About Her Aunt's Coming Out

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As a mom, I've always believed that my daughter is smart and can understand things well. Even at the age of three, she could grasp concepts like God, how babies are made, and why Pluto isn't considered a planet anymore.

Now that my younger sister has come out to me, I'm wondering if I should tell my daughter or wait until she's older. But I'm not sure when the right time would be.

One of the boys

When my sister was younger, she was one of the boys. She would wear blue shirts, baggy pants, sneakers, and her hair would always be brushed up. She looked pogi than pretty, and she loved it just like that.

She would play with robots than Barbies. She would hold toy guns and swords and get bruises than play as a student in our Titser-Titseran and gain stars.

Puberty hit her, and my sister had a massive glow-up. She blossomed into a beautiful lady. She focused on building her career, rather than seeking romantic connections. While she did have a few boyfriends and people who were interested in her, none of those connections became serious.

Finding love

Then, during the pandemic, my sister fell for a guy she met online, but it was a scam. She became sad and got sick with the delta variant of COVID-19. It took her a while to recover from the trauma, and to make things worse, a family member passed away. It was truly a difficult ime.

During this challenging time, my sister began spending more time with a newfound friend. A girl friend whom I never knew existed. This girl accompanied her on trips here and abroad. We, her sisters, suspected there was something special between them.

I didn't tell her, "I knew it all along." I didn't tell her, "Bata ka pa, alam ko na."

One day, while scrolling through TikTok, I stumbled upon a video my sister had posted of herself and her friend at the beach. I turned on the audio, and a song played with the lyrics, "I would never fall in love again until I found her." I thought I misheard it, and before I could process it, she deleted the video. Though we never discussed it, the message was loud and clear.

We love her friend like family. My daughter adores her. 

Coming out

Recently, my sister found the courage to open up to us in our group chat. She said she knows that we know, but she didn't know how to tell us, where to start, and what to say.

When I read her message, I was very happy because she finally trusted us that part of herself.

I didn't tell her, "I knew it all along."

I didn't tell her, "Bata ka pa, alam ko na."

It was a vulnerable moment, a moment that took courage. My sister came out to us, and all I was able to say was, "Yay! I love you."

Sharing the truth with my daughter

I felt compelled to tell my daughter about it. I know that I could discuss the topic of love and gender with her, and that it's best to explain it to her as soon as I can. I didn't wait for her to be ready, I just wanted to tell her about her aunt.

In our home, my husband and I have been teaching her to be gender-inclusive. We make it clear that boys can wear make-up, have long hair, and even wear skirts if they wish to. Likewise, we emphasize that girls can pursue any profession they desire, whether it's being a firefighter, an astronaut, or anything they aspire to be.

READ ALSO: This Mom Is A Firefighter And A Skater, Lets Her Son Play With Dolls

While we were busy drawing, I asked her, "Did you know it's okay for boys to love boys and girls to love girls too?"

At first, she said, "No, I think boys should only love girls, like in princess stories."

"But it's okay for boys to love boys and girls to love girls," I explained.

Then I told her that my sister and her tita are in love with each other. "They love each other, and that's okay, right?" She stopped and thought for a moment.

"Yes, because you are a girl and you love me. Even our dogs, who are brothers, love each other," she said.

It was a beautiful moment of understanding, and when she asked why, I simply said, "Because love is love."

READ ALSO: We Took Our Son to the Pride March Despite Comments Like 'Baka Kung Ano Makita Niya Dun'

Changing the narrative

It's time we change the narrative for our children. It's time we trust our kids that they will understand and embrace love in all its forms. If I, her mom, could embody acceptance and love, it would be easier for my daughter to follow suit. But if I judged and sow hatred, she will also see it and be like me.

How timely that my sister came out to us on Pride Month. I can't underestimate the power of raising awareness and being proud advocates for love and equality. The fight for equal rights and acceptance had paved the way for my sister to find love and happiness and live her life in her own terms.

READ ALSO: ‘All My Children Are Perfect’: Miel Pangilinan Comes Out, Sharon and Kiko Respond With Love

Adding an ally, removing a bully

By having honest conversations with my daughter about gender and love at a young age, I felt that I not only gained a strong ally but also reduced the chances of her becoming a bully. The ease with which we could talk about these things is a sign of the progress made by those who worked tirelessly for equality.

Thanks to all those who stood up so that my sister can love the person they choose to love.

Should the time come when my daughter chooses to come out to me, I hope she knows that I will always love and understand her.

There is still much to do for society to fully embrace same-sex relationships. But as parents, our first responsibility lies within our own homes. Once we do what we need to do there, we can build a more inclusive world.

This dad allowed his son to dress up like a mermaid on his birthday. Read their story here.