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Mom On Raising A Toddler: Don’t Let Anyone Tell You You’re A Bad Parent. They Have No IdeaAt the end of the day, parents will still love their kids no matter what.by Kitty Elicay .
Welcome to Real Parenting, a space where parents can share the joys, pain, and the mess of parenthood. Want to get something off your chest? Share your parenting journey? Email us at smartparentingsubmissions@gmail with the subject "Real Parenting." Click here to read more 'Real Parenting' stories.
There’s a reason why parents say the toddler stage is the hardest part of parenting. Aside from having to deal with tantrums, it’s also when our little ones start to explore their independence. This results into defiant kids who refuse to listen and whose favorite word is “no.”
Dealing with whining, demanding kids can get incredibly frustrating. Once in a while, we end up losing our cool and shouting at our child. Immediately, the guilt sets in and we start to question ourselves: “Am I a mean mom and a bad parent?”
Well, one of our moms at our parenting community, Smart Parenting Village, shared a powerful reminder: lashing out at our kids does not make us bad parents.
“’Let’s not talk. I’m mad.’ Yan ang sabi ko sa anak ko during breakfast. Magkagalit kami because he didn’t want to eat the food I prepared [and] instead he wanted to eat my bread,” writes Andrea Data-Ko.
She explains that this is a snippet of her daily life with her toddler son. “Every day I would try to put ‘understanding and patience’ first before frustration pops out of my system,” she shares.
But because she’s dealing with a toddler, parenting doesn’t always go smoothly. “No matter how many parenting books, articles we read, or education videos we try to watch just to understand kids’ behavior and ‘proper parenting,’ there will really come a time when you just don’t have the energy to put all the technicalities in action,” Andrea writes.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
Of course, she’s no longer just talking about the fact that her son refused the food. Rather, she says it’s the “overall daily life cycle” that parents have to go through.
It especially rings true for moms because they do a lot of invisible work which often goes unnoticed. It’s also why husbands think their wives are always angry, when in fact, they’re just drained physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Andrea writes that she wanted to share her experience for her fellow moms “who need validation for their anger that also brought them guilt.” Especially because others seem to easily pass judgment on parents who lose patience with their kids, calling them bad parents.
“Moms and dads [are] humans. We get tired. We get frustrated. And the most commonly used word: [we get] stressed. We are not perfect, and we have all the right in this world to feel whatever we want to feel.
“Don’t let anyone tell you you’re a bad parent for lashing out. They have no idea,” she says.
Her experience was something that many of our members could relate with. In the comments section, her fellow moms couldn’t help but also share how they were shamed by others for how they were raising their kids.
“It hurts when you hear from their grandparents that you’re doing an awful job and that you should never be angry at your children. I had to keep holding my tongue from retorting that it’s easy for them to say that when they’ve never actually experienced being hands on parents,” one mom lamented.CONTINUE READING BELOWRecommended Videos
“Minsan you have to hold everything in. From parents/in-laws telling you that overuse na [sa] gadget yung bata, without them knowing that you already withheld the gadget for the whole day but your toddler retaliated with whining and tantrums.
“To other family members saying ang payat na ni toddler, pero ikaw as a parent had to endure feeding him for 1-2 hours after the whole family has eaten just to make sure he finishes his food,” shared another.
They also thanked Andrea for voicing out what they’ve been feeling all along. After all, at the end of the day, parents will still love their children no matter what.
“My husband and I have the same feeling towards our 2-year-old. But I guess ganun talaga ‘pag sa age na ‘yan. Kahit gaanong training natin, dadaan talaga sila sa stage na ‘yan,” one mom said. “Sa’kin na lang ‘di ko pinipilit. Naisip ko manghihingi naman ng food si baby ‘pag nagutom.”
Another mom wrote, “I feel a lot better knowing that I’m not the only one feeling the frustrations and stress of raising a toddler in his terrible twos. Laban lang tayo! After all the away-bati, all the guilt is gone when he says ‘I love you’ before sleeping, letting me feel I’m still the best mother for him.”
Just like our toddlers, moms can have meltdowns, too. Click here for ways to deal with it without feeling ashamed.
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