Dear Pre-Parent Self: It’s Okay To Embrace Change For Parenthood

Dear Parent,

Or rather: Dear Pre-Parent Self,

It's okay to let go of who you once were or who you once thought you would become. I know you had dreams, expectations, a clear image of the life you want for yourself. Letting go of that is not failure, it’s growth.

You once daydreamed about your college life and career, but don't be discouraged if, after a few years of both, neither turns out  the way you imagined. Enjoy the moments you spend with friends—hanging out, having fun—but remember, you will lose some along the way, and that's okay.

As a mom, you will lose friends, your inner circle will shrink, but the most genuine ones will remain.

Yes, you will miss those carefree days of selfies and spontaneous outings with friends, but soon, it will just be tagged in your memories.

You will feel like you are far from where you used to be. It's okay to grieve the things that now seem out of reach, but trust that where you are is precisely where you need to be.

I see the worry in your eyes, the anxiety that grips you, and the fears that weigh you down. Life, as you know it is changing forever, but I promise, it will get better. The physical changes and the pregnancy journey may alter you, but the change will always lead to a more beautiful path ahead.

You will be different. You will recognize parts of yourself that are no longer there, but you will also uncover new facets of you that were never there before. You will uncover a plethora of emotions—at times, you are joyful, and at other times, sad–but through these emotions, you will unleash the protective and nurturing spirit in you.

Your hobbies will change. In fact, you might not have time for them at all, or they’ll evolve into new ones like learning Marie Kondo's homemaking skills, cloth diapering, babywearing, or breastfeeding. Your career might take a different path–you might not pursue your degree  tose youthful dreams you once had–but that’s okay.

You will be different, but you will discover new abilities and strengths you never knew you had.

You will lose sight of yourself at times. Part of being and feeling different is that you’ll forget who you are and who you used to be. There was a time when you'd spend an hour getting ready before stepping out. Now, those moments will feel like a luxury. You will be lucky to have a few minutes to shower and get dressed, as your focus shifts to taking care of your little one.

You might want to indulge in a little extra self-care, but you'll learn to wait and prepare for it. It's no longer just you against the world; now, it's you and your family. Your priorities shift, and you discover a deeper purpose in putting their needs first. Yet, amidst all the love and care you give, remember that you still deserve moments of joy and comfort.

Your relationship will change, too. First and foremost, your marriage will evolve. You're not alone in this because you and your better half are both navigating this transformation. In the first year, you might forget about date nights. A romantic dinner may turn into a quick trip to the store for diapers or wipes when supplies run low. Your outings together will shift from favorite restaurants to baby fairs or parenting forums. It's a season of growth, adaptation, and learning together.

Be patient with your husband, just as he will be patient with you. These days won't last forever. Look forward to the moments when you can finally relax by the beach, your little family by your side.

Be completely yourself. I remember reading that every person is unique–just like the chromosomes we are made of, there is no single identity as unique as you. So, no matter what parenting advice others swear by, trust your innate wisdom. You have a unique instinct that will guide you. Don't feel pressured if you can’t do it all–whether it’s breastfeeding, babywearing, cloth diapering, baby-led weaning, or buying an expensive stroller or choosing the latest eco-friendly products. It's okay to be different. Comparison is the thief of joy, so focus on the one who looks up to you–your little one, who loves you just as you are.

Lastly, you will find yourself. The paradox of motherhood is that just when you think you’ve lost yourself, you’ll rediscover who you truly are and who you can become. Think of the things you can do now that you couldn't before. Think of how your sensitivity and vulnerability prepare you to protect and nurture the life you’ve created. Just when you feel like you’re losing sight of your dreams, new ones will emerge–dreams that only became possible after becoming a mother. As you continue your journey, you’ll find new hobbies, meet new people, and develop values that will inspire you to dream again–not just for yourself, but for the ones you love the most.

Dear Pre-Motherhood/Parenthood Self, it is okay to grieve who you once were, the life you once knew, but don’t get lost in that grief. Take heart and find joy anew, for wondrous places await–far beyond what you could ever have imagined. Yes, motherhood can be overwhelming, but it also brings magic into your life. Within the whirlwind of transformation, you’ll discover a new life, and it will shape you in ways you never thought possible.

Read here for a list of moms’ favorite self-care.