How These Parents Are Raising Sons Who Support Gender Equality

As a mom to a one-year-old boy, I often grapple with how to raise him in a world that still expects different things from boys and girls. More importantly, how can I help him push back against those expectations?

How can he grow up doing his fair share of housework? Will he amplify the voices of girls in the room instead of drowning them out? How do I ensure he respects boundaries and honors consent? How can I assure him it's okay to be soft, gentle, and vulnerable?

Studies reveal that it will take roughly 130 years to close the gender gap. That's five generations before women have equal representation in politics, the workplace, education, and health. Parents of young girls have done an incredible job raising strong daughters who are unafraid to be themselves. But to build a truly gender-equal world, we must also work on the other side. Just as we teach our daughters to take up space, we must also teach our sons to help create that space and ensure it is safe and fair for everyone.

It's a different kind of responsibility and pressure (as if parenting is not hard enough!). One that requires unlearning our biases and being intentional with our words, thoughts, and actions. Three parents reflect how they're shaping their sons to be men for women and girls. 

Raising boys who uplift girls and women

One chore at a time

Children are exposed to gender stereotypes as early as two years old. By then, they've already started forming ideas about what boys and girls are "supposed" to do. One of the most effective ways to challenge these norms early on is by sharing household and caregiving responsibilities.

"Doing everything equally when possible shows them that it's not only the mom's responsibility to manage the house." —Oneal, dad of one

Faye*, a 46-year-old data and monitoring lead, clearly communicates her message to her nine-year-old son. "I tell him caregiving isn't just 'Mommy's thing,'" she says. I encourage him to participate in household tasks beyond the usual 'boy chores' like vacuuming the car. He helps with sweeping, cleaning, and even folding laundry. It may seem small, but these habits challenge the belief that certain work is reserved for women."

While mothers often take the lead in teaching these lessons, fathers play an equally vital role in reinforcing them.

For Oneal, 51, a web developer and father to an eight-year-old son, the best way dads can instill this mindset is by example. "The thing they will see the most often will be their parents doing housework," he explains. "In our case, I also cook, clean, and do laundry, especially when my wife needs to be out of town for weeks. Doing everything equally when possible shows them that it's not only the mom's responsibility to manage the house."

"When it comes to the most meaningful of capacities such as to love, to excel, to dream big, he and every other child, regardless of gender, is capable of anything." —Liway, mom of two

This lesson becomes even more important in households with multiple children, where gender expectations can unintentionally be passed down among siblings.
"We try to ensure that house chores are not gendered and that any task our kids are ready for is assigned equally," shares Liway, a 37-year-old lawyer and mother to a five-year-old son and nine-year-old daughter.

^{Liway and her son}

Dropping the labels

From toys to traits, the words and ideas we attach to children shape how they see themselves and others.

"My husband and I try our best to anchor on this main value—that when it comes to the most meaningful of capacities such as to love, to excel, to dream big, he and every other child, regardless of gender, is capable of anything," shares Liway.

Another practical way to drop the gender labels is through play.

"We try to introduce non-gendered free-play materials like puzzles, blocks, and clay," shares Liway. "Then we let him and his older sister explore these toys and see what they gravitate towards." Oneal shares how he and his wife also approach toys with the same neutrality, "It helps to be flexible in things you do with your children. Sometimes, we play ball; sometimes, we play with his cooking set. Sometimes we make art, sometimes we play video games."

"Kids are always watching. When they see parents share household tasks and decision-making, it sets a blueprint for their future relationships." —Faye, mom of one

Even how we talk about our kids matters. "When we describe both our son and our daughter, we try to use descriptive words that have little to do with their physical attributes or their sex or their gender," explains Liway. “For example, instead of saying ‘pogi’ or ‘maganda,’ we try to say ‘mabait, matapang, mabuti.’”

Parenting past old norms

Even with the best intentions and effort, teaching boys and girls that they are equals is challenging.

"I can't shield him from every influence that contradicts gender equality," says Faye. "Teachers, friends, and even family members hold different (and sometimes outdated) views. I tell him to listen respectfully but not shy away from expressing his beliefs. Being an advocate doesn't mean having all the answers—it means being willing to challenge unfairness when he sees it."

For Oneal and his wife Regina, the key is making the concept of allyship understandable. 

^{Oneal (right) with his wife Regina (left) and their son Lucas (center)}

"One of the things we do is ask our son how his female classmates would react or feel if they were told that they are not allowed to do anything just because they are girls. He always says they won't like it, or they will get mad," he shares. "It helps to give them concrete examples such as that of their friends so it's easier for them to relate to them."

Raising allies

When asked what advice they would give parents raising sons who stand up for women, all three emphasize the power of leading by example.

"Parents should teach their children by setting a good example and explaining why gender equality matters," says Oneal.

"Kids are always watching. When they see parents share household tasks and decision-making, it sets a blueprint for their future relationships," Faye adds.
Beyond role modeling, they share other practical tips parents can reflect on. 

"Challenge the narrative," says Faye. "My son goes to a Catholic school where traditional (read: patriarchal) teachings are common. I balance this by sharing stories of how Jesus treated women as equals and entrusted them with key roles. My favorite? Esther—a badass queen who risked her life to save her people."

"Do not underestimate what your child is already capable of understanding at his young age," Liway advises. "With guidance and thoughtful, age-appropriate discussions, they are never too young to value others and see girls and women as their equal."

*not her real name