3 Lessons I Learned On The Importance Of Digital Parenting

Will you allow a stranger just enter your house and teach your kids? During my childhood in the `80s, it was called watching television without parental guidance. But that was more than 40 years ago! Today, the stranger called “screen” does not just teach and entertain our children, they can literally talk to our kids through so many ways. 

Smart Parenting's Guide to Digital Parenting Launch, held last October 21 at Alejo Restaurant in Quezon City, was a big help to parents. The event's three panelists were Dr. Rica Cruz, mom of 2, sex therapist, founder of Unprude, and Smart Parenting Board of Experts member, Rica Peralejo-Bonifacio, mom of 2, Smart Parenting Editor-at-Large, and Howard Go, dad of 2 and COO of Summit Media.

As what Smart Parenting Editor-in-Chief Ronna Capili Bonifacio said at the start of the discussion, “The screen is not just about giving our kids access to the world. The screen is also giving the world access to our kids.” And boy! This opened my mind to a big reality. The first is where we see screen time as our ally in parenting, but the latter flagged a warning that without guidance, there is a risk for our kids. 

The digital world is here to stay. Our kids are growing up with it, studying with it, learning with it, working and doing life with it. And it keeps on evolving. Unlike the transition of music records to tapes, CDs, MP3s that took years, the digital world has been moving much quicker. So how do we, parents, keep up? 

Here are my take aways from the discussion. 

3 takeaways on raising kids in a digital world

1. Communication for connection.

When is the best time to talk about the digital world to your kids? As early as they are introduced to it and as long as they keep using it as they grow. Never under estimate your child’s capacity to understand things. I though teaching the colors teal and fuchsia was a level two for my toddlers, but all words are new to them, the same thing with red and blue. They have nothing to unlearn and everything is a standard. 

Rica Peralejo started with self-awareness. “If you know yourself, it will not be hard to listen to others”. Dr. Rica's eldest daughter started to hear and see her talk about sex at four years old, as the daughter of a sex therapist, and she would ask her mom about it. To Dr. Rica, it is about education and not restriction. Informing our kids with the right definitions and guiding them about it is better than creating taboo topics, because it will soon raise curiosity and the digital world may teach them.

To begin with, children cannot distinguish fantasy from reality, so it is best to educate and talk to them. As Dr. Rica, suggests “Don’t make big emotions: 'What are you watching?!'” sit down with them and communicate. We are their life teachers. 

RELATED: Practical Guide To Talking To Your Kids About Gender, Sexuality, and Condoms

Rica even shared that her son once spelled the “f” word. She calmly explained its definition and advised, “save it for the best times”, which we all know is in married life.

Howard shared how he communicated to his children about the risks like trolls, scams, and malicious content. It was amazing how a dad gave reminders, “Do not try to please everybody. Do not chase the likes. Whatever truth you hear, you may believe them, but find the deeper truth. So you will not be part of the hive mind.” He also educated his two kids on how to protect their online accounts and to use it for community than just the social media life.

Simple yet very important… When they grow up, will the content we post be helpful to them when they see it, or when their friends see it? Do we post something that will be against the consent of our child? —on posting kids on social media

As a father myself, I believe this kind of communication with the kids creates a big impact in their growing years. More than information, fathers must also establish connection. We orient them with books, play, potty, and food. We also orient them with life. And remind as long as needed. 

(An after panel lesson: Howard approached the parent who asked the panel a little more advice. “You can say to your child 'I did it too' or 'I experienced it too'”. I find this helpful in breaking walls with your kids, connecting with their feelings and thoughts, and then sharing our journey with them and what helped us.)

2. Be careful on content without consent. 

Posting kids online? All panelists agree that most of us already posted content that gave access to our kids pictures and videos.  And I too have already heard my five-year-old telling us, “Don’t post this online ah” or “Do not take a video of this please”. 

Simple yet very important… When they grow up, will the content we post be helpful to them when they see it, or when their friends see it? Do we post something that will be against the consent of our child? 

Howard reminded attendees to be careful in joining apps and trends which requires pictures. We could easily be giving others access to how our kids can look in the future using AI. Rica shared that as a content creator, if she posts with her kids, the post it is about herself and not about them. 

3. Strengthen their real world amid the reel world. 

Rica reminded parents to secure a vibrant offline life for kids and family. To be our child’s safe space. When they get crushed online, make sure that they can go to us. She reminds that the signs of a healthy relationship is that they can be messy in front of their parents. Rica also says to focus on the things we can control. For her, she can make them feel the ground and breathe the air which is why she loves taking them outdoors, not just see what's online.

I remember when my wife Love and I interviewing the author of Danish Way of Parenting, we asked her how can we protect our kids outside of the house? We teach and show gentleness to them at home but they can be exposed to other environments outside. Her answer was that a strong foundation inside will help them make a good decision outside. 

Parents have a big role in the digital world. The question is, is it harming us or helping us now? Are we using it, or is the digital world using us? We give what we know, and we teach what we experience. 

Parenting never ends, communication never ends, and loving never ends. Let's be up to date with technology, but old school with our values.

Dreus Cosio is a dad of two and part of the Smart Parenting Dad Squad. He is also an author, entrepreneur, motivational speaker, and marriage coach together with his with Love. 

What does digital parenting mean, exactly? Read this article to better understand.