In the past, adoption was often considered a last resort for couples experiencing difficulties conceiving. However, in recent times, more and more young couples are embracing adoption as a way to build their families.

Adoption and foster care expert, Chrina Cuna-Henson, emphasizes that raising awareness about adoption can contribute to addressing the orphan crisis. In the Philippines, there are 1.8 million orphaned children and millions more vulnerable children caught in a generational cycle, according to Generations Home. 

To address concerns of couples exploring adoption, here are answers to some frequently asked questions provided by Henson, a member of the Smart Parenting Board of Experts. 

Frequently asked questions about adoption

1. Should I tell my child that they are adopted?

The answer to this is yes. Apparently, there is a new law that requires children who have been adopted to be fully aware of their adoption by the age of 13. Read more about Republic Act 11642 or the Domestic Administrative Adoption and Child Care Act here.

"The best time is as early as possible. So if you're holding a baby who was adopted, tell that baby they were adopted." —Chrina Cuna-Henson

According to Henson, it's an attempt to help families to be transparent as possible with their children, and to build trust. 

2. Can I keep the truth from them until we are ready?

Henson advises against hiding or distorting the truth about adoption. Misleading or lying about a child's history can severely damage trust. "Once you choose to hide something about your child's history, or worse, if you lie about your child's history and you make them think that perhaps you gave birth to them or that you were pregnant with them and you work in details like that, those lies really destroy trust."

"And you don't want that to happen because for an adopted child who already has had trust broken by the one person or the parents that were supposed to love them and care for them and be the trusting relationships in their life, to have that repeated by their adoptive parents is extremely painful."

3. How can I tell my child that they are adopted?

There are ways to communicate to your child in a way that they will understand. "You never want to give them more information than they can handle. You never want to overwhelm them with details that they're not ready for," she said.

For children age 1 to 2, she advises that you start talking to your child about how they didn't come from your tummy. "Tell them that they came to your family in a different way," she maintains.

Here's how she framed it when she told her daughter Chloe, who came to their family through adoption, "No, you weren't born from my tummy. You actually started in my heart and that you came out of another mommy's tummy."

She said it can be as simple as that, and assured that most kids that age are not actually after the details. "They don't have many questions. But as they grow older, they will grow curious," she cautions.

READ ALSO: For This Couple, Adoption Is No Less Beautiful Than Biologically Bearing a Child

4. What should I say if my child asks about their biological parents?

At age 5 or 6, children might have different questions, Henson says. And one of the more difficult ones to answer would be questions about their biological parents. She advises, "You would need to find an answer which is appropriate, one that is still honoring and respectful, that never paints their biological parents in a bad light, but that honors them, respects them, and at the same time doesn't misinform your child."

She adds, "You don't want to say, oh, you had wonderful parents. You had great parents. They were great. They loved you. We don't actually know if that's true. And so when you don't know if that's true, then you should never say things like that or mislead your children into thinking something that's not true."

Nevertheless, she encourages parents to be very careful about the words they will say, and frame it in a way that is more neutral and age-appropriate. "Say, 'Your parents did the best they could at the time that they placed you for adoption or that they made a plan for adoption. That was the best thing they knew how to do at that time.' 

READ ALSO: Hindi Namin Ipagdadamot: Anak Ni Juday Na Si Yohan, Curious Tungkol Sa Tunay Na Magulang

5. What happens if I keep the truth?

As children grow, their curiosity about their identity will increase. Henson stresses the importance of transparency and creating an environment where children feel comfortable discussing their adoption.

"We should never come across as unwilling to talk about their adoption because we want to be the ones who steer the conversation around this, and we want to make sure that they feel safe coming to us when they have questions about it," she emphasizes.

6. When should I tell my child the truth?

Henson clarifies, telling your child the truth about their adoption as soon as possible is not necessarily for them, it's for you. "The best time is as early as possible. So if you're holding a baby who was adopted, tell that baby they were adopted. They might not understand what that means, but at least as parents, you would get the practice and the confidence to have that conversation because, honestly, it's a lot scarier for the adoptive parents than it is for the adoptees."

"The love that we might have for them would be the same, whether they're biologically related to us or they came to us through adoption. But how we approach and handle that aspect of their story requires care and intentionality." —Chrina Cuna-Henson

READ ALSO: Planning to Adopt? Updated Guidelines About Adoption From DSWD

7. What happens if after adoption, I get pregnant with our own child?

If there are biological children in your home, Henson stresses that they should also be confident and secure enough to have conversations about adoption, and about their siblings who came to the family in a different way.

She shares, "My best tip would be to not to pursue adoption in isolation, but to be around community and to read up, to make sure that we're not trying to navigate parenting the same way we would navigate parenting biological kids."

"The love that we might have for them would be the same, whether they're biologically related to us or they came to us through adoption. But how we approach and handle that aspect of their story requires care and intentionality."

7. I have more questions about adoption. Where should I go?

Chrina Cuna-Henson is the executive director of Generations Home (formerly ROHEI Foundation), a non-profit organization that advocates for adoption, foster care, and orphan prevention. Among their services is facilitating workshops and trainings that help equip families to have age-appropriate conversations about adoption with their children and the whole family.

Email them at connect@generationshome.org, connect with them on Facebook or Instagram, or visit their website here. Generations Home is a licensed Child Placement Agency by the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD).