Wala Bang Disiplina Sa Positive Parenting? Here's What You Need To Know About This Parenting Style

By now, many of us have heard a thing or two about positive parenting. And just by its name, we've already concluded that we could never succeed in applying it.

Here's a picture: It’s only 9 AM, but we've already shouted more than twice. We've lost our wits because of the endless toys on the floor. And we’re already dreading meal times that include an endless number of, “Umupo ka dito”, “'Wag kang malikot”, and “Isang subo pa”. 

By the end of the day, whatever ‘positive parenting’ we tried is out the door. 

That’s why Smart Parenting sought help from one of our Board of Experts, positive parenting and baby sleep expert Ria Campos Lopez, to debunk common myths about positive parenting and to define what it is.

Is it really just about saying positive things to your kids? How then will they become disciplined children?

Let’s find out here:

Is positive parenting only about saying positive things to children?

Q: Positive Parenting is just allowing the child to do anything and only saying positive things. Totoo ba?

Ria Campos Lopez (RCL): "Totally not true. Positive parenting is definitely not just about saying positive things. Again, we have to differentiate what we're saying versus what we want.

In positive parenting, we're talking about building a positive relationship with our child. A strong relationship based on trust and understanding and mutual respect. However, that does not mean our child is allowed to do everything and anything they want, right?

We still have limits and boundaries for respecting our home, respecting people, and respecting others. And we need to ensure that our child understands these things so that they can follow through with this.

READ ALSO: 9 Practical Phrases to Do Positive Parenting Every Day

So, if our child does something wrong, misbehaves, it doesn't mean that I'll just say, 'Okay, anak. That was very good.' No, when our child misbehaves or does something wrong, we take that moment as a teaching moment and we explain to them what was wrong or what they did wrong rather than, 'Ano ba? What was that? Stop it!'

Instead of just saying stop it, let's say, for example, 'Stop running in the house! Stop running!' Instead of just shouting and saying, telling our child to stop running, we'd like to tell them, 'Anak, we're in the house. We need to move slowly. We need to walk.'

Telling them what they can do, explaining it calmly, and hopefully telling them that before the running starts. Positive parenting is being proactive.

There are a lot of limits and boundaries, and our children will still be disciplined. It's just in the manner of delivering it and giving them time to understand and learn."

RELATED: A Defiant Toddler Is Not A Bad Kid. 6 Positive Ways To Handle Misbehavior

Will positive parenting raise weak individuals?

Question: Walang grit or hindi magiging independent ang bata na puro positive parenting lang ang na-receive. Totoo ba? 

RCL: "No, this is also not true. I think we get thrown by the word positive. Let's go with grit, just because our child does not want to do something because it's difficult, we are not permissive parents, and we don't say, 'Ay, okay, anak, it's too hard. Sige, never mind. Wag mo nang gawin yan, no?'

It's actually the opposite.

If our child is having a hard time, for example, with something in school--my child is having a hard time in Math, and my child says, 'Mom, ayaw ko na mag-Math homework.' We will not say, 'Ay, okay, anak, masyadong mahirap. Never mind. Let's move on na.'

'[Positive Parenting] is definitely the harder road, but I think as parents, more than patience,  we need that will or desire to be the best parents that we want to be.' —Ria Campos Lopez, positive parenting expert

No, if my child is having a hard time with Math, my approach would be to ask, 'Okay, anak, so what do you find hard in math?' And we have that dialogue, and he will explain. And then we'll say, 'Okay, can we figure out a way to solve this problem, right?'

And so instead of being complainers or quitters, we actually want to teach our children to be problem solvers and investigators, and together with them, we can find solutions to the problem.

So in fact, it does build resilience, it does build grit, and moving forward, it will build independence when they have their problem-solving skills."

Positive parenting is only for patient people. True or false?

Q: Positive parenting is only for patient people. It's not for everyone. Totoo ba?
RCL: "Well, if this was true, I wouldn't be here. I'm one of the most impatient people that you'll meet, and I'll be the first to admit that.

But really, there's a difference between my patience and shouting and getting upset, which still happens, versus my parenting wherein I take the time again to build the relationship with my child. I think we see this or we do this because when our child misbehaves, we get mad. I don't have patience. 'Why are you doing that?' 

RELATED: Toddler Refuses To Cooperate? Try This Mom's Positive Parenting Hack

But again, we have to step back. We want to be proactive. So we need to tell our child what the boundaries and what the limits are and if they follow that, there will be no need to go into the shouting and losing our patience. But yes, it does take a lot of patience.

This is definitely the harder road, but I think as parents, more than patience, it's that we need that will or that desire to be the best parents that we want to be, so we just have to keep trying, even if we might not get it right every day."

WATCH THE FULL VIDEO ON POSITIVE PARENTING AND BABY SLEEP MYTHS HERE: