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  • How to Avoid Raising a Child Who Still Relies on You When He's 30

    We love our children, but they shouldn’t stay babies forever!
    by Jillianne E. Castillo .
How to Avoid Raising a Child Who Still Relies on You When He's 30
  • Kids have it good. They get to play all day, have snacks and eat food whenever they want to (the fridge is always magically stocked), and they don’t have to pay for things like car loans, rent, and electricity bills. Parents are happy to do it. After all, it will only be until they graduate from college. Once they have jobs, parents can rest easy, right? 

    Well, moms and dads, you may have to support your kids a little longer. According to a recent report, one out of two parents still financially support his grown-up child well into his 30s, old enough to be a dad himself!

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    The report, commissioned by HSBC and conducted by research firm Kantar TNS, spanned 13 countries and surveyed over 13,000 people 25 years old and up. 

    They found that “one out of two parents globally were still helping children over 18, and half of these were supporting those aged over 30,” reported Doris Dumlao-Abadilla for the Philippine Daily Inquirer. The most common financial support included help for their grown child’s education and living expenses like utility bills and groceries. In the Philippines, you can count on nanay and tatay to provide financial assistance for medical expenses, give regular cash allowances, and even shoulder travel expenses. 

    “It’s almost natural for Filipino parents to continue providing support to children even beyond 18 years of age,” Kris Werner, head of retail banking and wealth management at HSBC Philippines, told the Inquirer

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    Parents, we love our children. But we also have to accept that they won’t -- and shouldn’t -- stay babies forever!  There will come the point where they need to stand on their own two feet and take on the world by themselves. They need our help to learn how to be responsible and independent, and it begins in toddlerhood. Here are a few tips: 

    1. Teach your child how to handle money
    If your child is in his 30s and already has a job but still asks for help with the bills, then she may not know about saving strategies or money management.  

    Teach your child the value of saving from a young age. Try the “20 Rule” that Rose Fres Fausto, a former investment banker now money management coach, imposed in her household. Her kids have to set aside 20 percent of their allowance whenever they get it. “You already set aside the 20 percent applies before expenses, not after,” she said.  

    2. Give him chores to do
    Not only will his future spouse thank you for knowing how to do household chores, but chores at a young age also foster independence and self-reliance, according to research from the University of Minnesota. 

    The study found that young adults who began chores at 3 and 4 years old were more likely to achieve early career success and be self-sufficient compared to those who didn’t have chores. Convinced? Find an age-by-age chore guide here

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    3. Let your child get frustrated.
    We’ve heard stories of college students bringing their parents to school so mom can demand a change of grades from the professor. Yikes!

    Try to avoid “rescuing” your child from situations you know she needs to solve on her own, said psychologist Ma. Araceli Balajadia-Alcala in an article for SmartParenting.com.ph. Imagine your child having trouble carrying several toys at once or getting a piece of a puzzle to fit. “The more they think, become frustrated, and try out different ways of doing things, the more they become an ‘expert’ at figuring things out on their own,” said Balajadia-Alcala.  

    4. Don’t do your child’s homework.
    When you do all the work for your child, he misses out on the opportunity to rely on himself to do a simple task. It can result in an adult who lacks coping skills to handle normal real life stressful circumstances -- like getting a credit card bill that he knows he cannot pay.  

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    5. Be prepared to let go.
    It’s hard to think that one day your child will no longer need you as much as she does now. Being a parent, however, is all about providing love in a way that the child can spread her wings and fly on her own someday. 

    As Julie Lythcott-Haims, former Stanford Dean and bestselling author of How to Raise an Adult, says “It's my job to provide a nourishing environment, to strengthen [my kids] through chores and to love them so they can love others and receive love...My job is...to support them in becoming their glorious selves.”

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