'Best Team Ever': Sarah Abad and Jay Contreras Show Us How To Co-Parent

Sarah Abad and Kamikazee frontman Jay Contreras are teaching us a thing or two on peaceful co-parenting. On their daughter Isla’s twelfth birthday, both mom and dad came to her beach celebration and posted on their Instagram accounts.

Sarah writes a letter starting with acknowledging her daughter’s struggles. “I know the past year has been hard for our family. and although you don’t really talk about how you feel, I know it’s not easy for you.

“But with all the changes happening, always remember that one thing never will — your Daddy and I will always be here for you no matter what.

“We are proud of many things about you, but what we’re proudest of is how you’ve accepted our situation with so much understanding, love, and maturity.

Sarah’s letter goes on: “We’ve been honest with you ever since we made the decision and you, not once, showed hatred or resentment but instead remained the loving daughter you’ve always been. I am amazed at how strong and resilient you’ve become.

She ends her caption and letter by reminding her daughter what’s important. “Whatever happens and whatever other people might say about us, continue to focus on yourself, goals, and dreams. We’ll always be here for you, to love and support you.

“We’ll always be the best team ever! Happy birthday, Isla! We love you always.”

Dad Jay posts similar sentiments but with less words. “Happy 12th birthday sa prinsesa ko, thank you for being the sweetest and the smartest. Always remember na kahit anung mangyari at kahit anung dumating nandito lang kame lagi ng Mommy mo for you,we love you so much.”

Isla herself shares their family photos on her own Instagram account with a simple caption that says it all: “Happy together:)”

Sarah and Jay have two kids together, Kidlat and Isla and it was on May 14, 2020 when Sarah announced the end of their marriage.

Real life tips for successful co-parenting

1. Think: We’re one team.

Learn from Sarah and Jay and think of yourselves as a team. Team Child/Children. “We’ll always be the best team ever,” writes mom Sarah Abad to her daughter Isla. 

When you think of yourself, your co-parent, and the kid/s as a team, the little annoyances and competition between parents tone down. Because now there’s a common goal and there will hardly be room for rivalry.

Would a team divide willingly itself? We didn’t think so either.

Think of your child’s well-being as your team’s priority and goal so that all other things in your team's concerns become irrelevant.

2. Let your love for your child be greater than your hate the other parent.

If you’re not on the best terms with your co-parent, Womens’ Health Magazine advises this point in a recent co-parenting tips story. “I tell every parent who comes into my office that their primary directive is to love their child more than they hate the other parent,” says child psychologist Amy L. Stark, PhD, to the magazine.

She adds, “They must be able to identify what their child's needs are and help support the other parent in getting those needs met. The parental breakup is not what the child should be focusing on. Instead, everyone needs to focus on making sure the child's developmental needs are being met."

READ OTHER STORIES ON CO-PARENTING:

• 7 Celeb Ex-Couples Who've Figured Out Co-Parenting For The Sake Of Their Kids
• Don't Be Weekend-Only Parents: 4 Ways to Put Your Child First When You're Separated

3. Learn to accept that the other parent is still a parent.

You may have your opinions of the other parent, but that is yours alone. Your child should not be influenced by it and he or she should still have a loving and healthy relationship with your co-parent.

“Offhand comments, snide remarks, and belittling are all things your children notice. If you are upset with the co-parent, seek out adults to have those conversations,” says Dr. Cassandra Fay LeClair, PhD in the same article.

Save those feelings for your favorite group chat or maybe even a Facebook group if that’s allowed. Learn to separate your feelings and thoughts from that of your child’s, they are allowed to have their own.

4. Get organized.

Whether it’s when the child or children are with one parent or each child’s daily schedule, take the time to know all the details and decide on matters.

A weekly schedule might not merit note-taking on your calendar because it’s so easy to remember but remember that getting organized, even if it’s not your style, can cut back on unnecessary misunderstandings. This way, you and your former partner can simply focus on your child.

Knowing your child’s daily schedule is also important in avoiding friction like “I didn’t know this was her bedtime” or “I wasn’t informed he has after-school activities.”

Part of getting organized is being consistent in your team and reminding the child that the rules they follow is the same, no matter who they are with. This will allow you to avoid your child comparing discipline and experiences between co-parents, like “Dad let’s me do this” and “Mom understands me better.”

Use this parenting mantra as co-parents: "Be consistent, respectful, and kind."