'Breastfeeding was hard'—Former NZ Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern

Breastfeeding is arguably one of the hardest parts of motherhood, especially in the early postpartum days. Most mothers emerge from the exhaustion of pregnancy only to be met with the immediate pressure to nourish their newborns, often before they've even begun to physically or emotionally recover.

Even world leaders aren't spared from this struggle. Former New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern felt that pressure, too. Jacinda, who led her country through the Christchurch massacre and the COVID-19 pandemic, among other things, all while raising a newborn, writes about this in her newly published memoir, A Different Kind of Power. 

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Former New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern on motherhood

In a Sydney Morning Herald Entertainment review, Jacinda was quoted saying, "Women shouldn't have to choose—the way our mothers so often did—between being good at their profession and being a good mother, or daughter. There should be support networks, a village, whatever you call it, that can help them be all of those things without completely losing themselves in the process."

And this is true. In a world that considers women to be born mothers and mothers as superwomen, Jacinda's statement needs to be heard. Women can do great things, like breastfeeding their child or leading a country, but these could take a backseat to cleaning the house, cooking, and child-rearing. Her message is simple yet radical: it takes a village to raise a mother.

Jacinda became Prime Minister at 37. Just days after taking office, she found out she was pregnant. She went on maternity leave during her term, becoming the second world leader in history after Pakistan's Benazir Bhutto. She gave birth to her daughter Neve on June 21, 2018, with her now-husband Clarke Gayford by her side.

In a podcast interview with Oprah Winfrey, Jacinda shared what fueled her to continue her breastfeeding journey despite the odds. She shared how she pumped during her car rides, and even had to take her four-month-old daughter to the United Nations assembly before delivering her speech.

"I was determined," she told Oprah. "And now looking back on it, I see there were lots of reasons why I was determined. I think I saw it as a series of many tests—the test of motherhood to prove that I was doing what I was meant to do. But it was hard and it didn't come easy for me."

"Yes, I was doing a lot and I was caring a lot. But I had a support network. I had a village." —Former New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern

Jacinda explained that, like most things, breastfeeding eventually would get better. But it didn't, and she wanted to be honest about that. "Out there in the images that we present sometimes, it may have looked like I was Wonder Woman," she admitted. "But I would hate that to be the sentiment. Yes, I was doing a lot and I was caring a lot. But I had a support network. I had a village. I had an incredible partner, who traveled with me, who was our primary caregiver."

She added, "And if anything, I'd like to put the spotlight on that because I don't think we should have an expectation that women do everything. We should have an expectation that there's a village."

Ardern's husband is their child's primary caregiver

Her husband, Clarke, was the invisible but vital force behind her success. She shared that the decision for Clarke to be the primary caregiver was intentional, and something they were open about from the beginning.

"We will all have different seasons," she shared. "And while my season was in office, his season was the opportunity to form this beautiful relationship with our daughter, and then he'll have a season and I'll take on different roles. And for me, that's a beautiful relationship to have."

Despite her example, not everyone understood. Jacinda also received criticism that she is not fit to be either a good mother or an effective leader. "I felt a certain amount of pressure to make sure that no one could question that it impaired my ability to do the job because what would that then say to anyone else?" It wasn't easy, Jacinda said. With all eyes on her, she admits she had to hide her morning sickness, or that she could walk straight after birth, "Just make it look like it's entirely possible to do all of those things, and with the right support, you can. But it does require support."

Her appearance at the UN assembly with her baby daughter and Clarke was unprecedented, but it was clear they weren't about making a statement, rather a logistical necessity. Neve was four months old, and Jacinda was still breastfeeding her. But she realized its impact and was thankful for the people who made it happen: her team and her partner.

"If there's any message that I want people to take it's that there I was with my partner, behind me is a person who made sure I had a bassinet for Neve and a place to be in between time, my Policy Advisor who covered us so that we could go the president's reception. I had a team, and how lucky was I?"

Her message was loud and clear: "Yes, you can do it all, but don't do it alone. Don't expect to do it alone. Wonder Woman deserves a sidekick, too."

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A post shared by Clarke Gayford (@clarkegayford)

Before the UN event, Jacinda faced criticism when she decided to fly separately from her deputy, Winston Peters, to attend a Pacific Islands Forum in Nauru. She wanted to stay behind to breastfeed her daughter, which, her critics say, is a waste of taxpayers' money.

"If I didn't go, I imagine there would have been equal criticism. Damned if I did and damned if I didn't," she told the New Zealand Herald.

'A different kind of power'

Recognizing her privileges, Jacinda was inspired to turn her personal experience into public policy. She championed extended paid parental leave, increased support for solo parents, better access to childcare, and special leave for women who experience miscarriage. "Because as a government, we really thought about what it is to be a parent in the world," she said. Jacinda resigned from office in January 2023, on her own terms. 

Jacinda's journey is also captured in a new documentary titled Prime Minister. It examines how she led her nation through challenges while championing an inclusive and empathetic leadership style for seven years. The film was released in the United States on June 13. It contained footage mostly taken by her husband, a broadcaster and filmmaker, in their home.

At a time when so many mothers are expected to perform like they're not parents and parent like they don't have careers, Jacinda's story is a powerful reminder: Women are capable of extraordinary things, but even heroes and world leaders need support. Strength may come from within, but more often, it's drawn from the people who stand beside them.

Watch the trailer of Prime Minister:

Read how motherhood helped these women to become better leaders here.