Dear Parent,
She missed a period again.
If you’re being honest, you dread this more than coming home drunk and meeting her in the hallway. It’s not that you’ve made it a habit, but saying sorry for coming home late will always be easier than feeling sorry seeing her with those plastic test kits in her hands with her eyes drowned in frustration and gaze lost in disbelief.
If you would ask her, she’s probably lost track of the last time Aunt Flo visited. But the pregnancy test says she’s still not pregnant and this is the fifth time she administered the home test this week. She’s upset, she’s angry, she’s at her wits’ end. You think you already know what to expect, but you cling onto hope. Between the missed period and pregnancy test, hope is the only variable that matters most.
She complains about the excess facial hair on her upper lip and jawline, not to mention the severe acne that goes on and off with topical treatments. She’s tired of keeping that weight off because she still manages to gain some more. You were told on her last OB-GYN appointment that she has PCOS. What’s that again? Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. It’s basically hormonal imbalance meets insulin resistance type of situation.
Oh, not a worry, you say—but she stares back and announces like you never knew, “I’m almost 40,” and slams the door behind you.
The odds of having that baby has grown miniscule over the last 8 years. You’ve been married for 10 years and decided to enjoy each other’s company first, but when the baby plans are finally drawn on the blueprint, the layers seem to fade away in time.
She’s been on a cycle of oral medications, on a series of weight loss programs–aiming to ovulate; wishing for that one egg to meet its destiny—the best swimmer of all. But each time to this day, nothing has worked.
Early this year, you’ve even taken a chance with intrauterine insemination, but she’s still left in the season of waiting and her ally is called, hope.
Please, I want you to hold her.
I want you to make her feel loved because if you’re frustrated, she’s probably been beating herself badly in her thoughts. She’s probably blaming her body for not bearing a baby. She’s probably crying herself to sleep without a sound—only to face the ordeal again when the testing time comes. She's probably learned to scream in silence, because she thinks that this is not she what signed up for.
I need you to tell her that she’s complete—with or without offsprings. Tell her, she’s whole. Make it clear that she deserves your love and affection just as much as you deserve hers. Maybe it’s okay if there’s really not enough room for another life form. Please don’t make her feel less of a woman just because she cannot give you a little one. She loves you and you love her, ain't all that matters?
Perhaps hope can stay, but for now, the two of you are just right–no matter what.
Learn more about PCOS and Infertility here.
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