'Santa Isn't Real': What We Should Tell Our Kids About Santa Claus

We all probably already know that the idea of Santa Claus is not inherently Pinoy. It was introduced to us by the Americans, along with the idea behind mounting and decorating a Christmas tree. In fact, Helen Fee, a Thomasite who wrote "A Woman's Impressions of the Philippines (initially published in 1910)”, included in her observations that “Filipinos do not understand Santa Claus or the Christmas Tree.” Thomasites were a group of American teachers sent to the Philippines in 1901 to establish a public education system.

Back then, Christmas symbols were mostly influenced by the Spaniards like the star of Bethlehem, represented by a clay star lantern, which has evolved into a parol, or the nativity scene, which we call by its Spanish name, ‘belen.’

However, according to the National Quincentennial Committee, the Filipinos already know ‘San Nicolas’ even before the commercial Santa Claus was introduced to us by the Americans. “The local lore says that a group of children discovered, while playing, a statue of the long-lost image of “San Nicolas” buried under the rice husks.” Saint Nicholas is a 4th-century Christian bishop and patron saint of children who’s known to be fond of secret gift-giving and is believed to be from whom the idea of Santa Claus was derived.

And here we are, many years later, playing St. Nick to our kids or Secret Santa amongst ourselves, complete with surprise gifts, (perceived) postcards from the North Pole, and (staged) half-eaten cookie beside an emptied glass of milk.

It’s all fun and games creating a wishlist for Santa Claus and wondering if you’d been good or bad this year—until the ultimate white lie is revealed: 'Santa isn’t real.'

“Although children reported a wide range of feelings, like surprise, disappointment, and sadness, in response to discovering the truth, a large number of children reported positive feelings like happiness and relief, and extreme negative emotions were rare.” —American Pscyhological Association

The cat is out of Santa Claus’ bag

How old were you when you discovered that Santa Claus isn’t real?

I do not recall mine because we don’t have a ‘Santa tradition’. My mom, in her extremely excited voice, would buy us gifts and ask, “Do you know what I got you for Christmas?” So we have not had surprise gifts for Christmas and that was fine by us growing up.

Now that the tables have turned and your kids discovered that Santa Claus is not real, what exactly do you wish to say?

“It’s typical for most children to start questioning if Santa is real between the ages of 7 and 10,” according to American psychologist Ray W. Christner. He adds, “For some parents and families, they make the choice to tell children as soon as they start questioning in any manner. For others, they will keep the belief alive in the early stages of this questioning. There is no wrong answer. However, when they start suspecting, you should start to develop a plan for how you want to respond.”

Don’t worry just yet—psychologists found in a study that “When negative emotions occurred, they were generally short-lived and mild.”

The research adds, “Although children reported a wide range of feelings, like surprise, disappointment, and sadness, in response to discovering the truth, a large number of children reported positive feelings like happiness and relief, and extreme negative emotions were rare.”

Also Read: One Parent Gives the Best Idea to Tell Kids the Truth About Santa

So don’t stress over it. Take it as an opportunity to have a meaningful conversation with your kids while preserving the magic and joy of the season. Here's how you can approach it:

When 'Santa Isn't Real': What We Should Tell Our Kids 

5 points to remember when talking to kids about Santa Claus

1. Start with words of empathy. Acknowledge their feelings. You can begin by saying, "I understand this might feel confusing or surprising to you." Letting them know their feelings are valid is integral in reconciling the idea of what they thought they knew and the reality.

2. Listen to their thoughts. Philosopher Peter Ellerton of the University of Queensland advises parents to help children come to their own conclusions.

According to The Child Pyschology, ask your child "What do you think?" This will help you gauge their level of curiosity, suspicion, and conclusion. You can decide from there whether the route is for confirmation or validation of their suspicions or, if they want to continue to believe and are being skeptical about the idea of Santa Claus not being real. You can follow it up with another question as to why they’re asking—their answers would reveal if they’re ready to hear the truth or not.

Either way, remember to honor and respect their feelings. And if the truth made them feel upset, help them feel that it’s okay for your children to feel sad about it. It's also okay for parents, to feel sad about it.

3. Explain the tradition with positivity. Emphasize that Santa Claus represents the spirit of Christmas like generosity, love, and kindness. That means anybody can be Santa.

You can tell your children, “Santa Claus is part of a tradition that helps make Christmas extra special for children around the world, including here in the Philippines. It inspires children to be nice all year round."

According to a worldwide 'Santa survey' carried out by psychologist-professor Chris Boyle, "...believing in Santa had actually improved the behaviour (of children) around 34%."

"Why stop the fantasy? Children are not little forever and fairytales can assist them with appreciating the real world." —Psychology Today

4. Shift the focus to the act of giving. Encourage them to take on the role of a “secret Santa” for younger siblings or cousins. You can frame it as an opportunity to share in the joy of giving: "Now that you know the secret, you get to be part of making Christmas magical for others. Now isn't that exciting?"

5. Leave room for wonder. Suggest that the idea of Santa Claus can still be fun: "Even though Santa might not be real, the magic and joy he brings can always be a part of your Christmas." Acknowledge that this means that they are now gaining a deeper understanding of the world: "Learning this means you're growing up, and that's an amazing part of life."

Also Read: The Truth about Santa Claus: How We Told Our Kids, How We Found Out

So where does this leave us?

In an article of Psychology Today, it argues that fairytales are important in child development. Parents, in turn, can bridge the gap by helping kids distinguish fantasy from reality. 

It reads, "Why stop the fantasy? Children are not little forever and fairytales can assist them with appreciating the real world. For instance, focusing on the importance of the spirit of giving and kindness in Santa Claus. This shifts attention from fantastical elements to applicable life lessons and frames it positively for children."

It adds, "From a mental health perspective, the impact of fairytales like Santa Claus largely depends on how they are framed and how the family supports the child’s emotional understanding. When presented as part of a joyful tradition, these stories can enhance family connection, provide comfort, and give children a sense of wonder. If children feel pressured to behave 'perfectly' to earn gifts or if the story becomes overly focused on materialism, it could create unnecessary stress or self-esteem issues. Being sensitive and supportive when children begin questioning the story ensures the experience remains positive."

Wondering what to prepare for Christmas? Find ideas here.