Carla Abellana Breaks Her Silence, Said She Married Tom Rodriguez Amid 'Red Flags'Plus, signs that you are in a toxic relationship.by Judy Santiago Aladin .
"Ang daming red flags, bakit pinakasalan pa?"
This was among the comments of netizens when actress Carla Abellana finally broke her silence, amid the separation issue with her husband Tom Rodriguez.
Carla didn't have to explain herself. She has kept her silence ever since their alleged separation in January this year. Her dad, PJ Abellana, had been vocal about the couple's marital issue, saying Tom had been unfaithful to her daughter.
However, the actress recently found an opportunity to share her truth, when a netizen commented on her YouTube vlog. Her comment, which has been making rounds in social media, is Carla's first official statement since news about their separation.
In an article by PEP.ph, screenshots of Carla's comment on her YouTube vlog can be read.
'Ayoko lang po ng negativities'
Carla turned 33 last June 12, and posted on her Instagram that her birthday wish was to be happy.
It seems like Carla had been keeping her silence for long to protect her peace of mind.
For context, the conversation started when netizens asked Carla why she liked Ai-Ai delas Alas' post on Instagram about cheating. One netizen questioned Carla why the actress removed her comment related to the post, and she responded that she doesn't want any negativities.
"Ang taong lubos na nasaktan hirap pong pigilang hindi ilabas ang galit sa anumang paraan. I was disrespected. I was betrayed. I was lied to. I was used. I was shamed. I was made to look stupid."ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
She said, what she cannot take anymore was when her family got dragged into the issue.
"Kung sana hanggang dun lang po, makakabangon din po ako balang araw. Pero para gawan pa po ako at ang pamilya ko ng mas marami pang kasamaan at kataksilan sa mga susunod na araw, linggo, at buwan, sobra sa sobra na po ang sakit at pagdurog ng puso at pagkatao ko."
She then went on telling her story about their marital issues. As netizens pointed out, that Carla has been what they call a 'toxic' relationship with Tom Rodriguez, and she wants to be out of it.
Signs that you are in a toxic relationship
Carla's statement could be a point of reflection for husbands and wives on whether their relationships are still healthy or have become toxic. Here are some signs that you are in a toxic relationship, according to Healthline.
1. You ignore your needs
A clinical psychologist Catalina Lawsin, PhD told Healthline that in a toxic relationship, you go along with whatever your partner wants to do, even when it goes against your comfort level.
For Carla, she said she didn't do anything wrong to Tom. She even claims, she gave him everything she has without leaving anything for herself.
"Wala po akong ibinigay kay Tom kundi tunay na pagmamahal, respeto, pag-aalaga, pag-aaruga, pag-unawa, pagtitiis, sangkatutak na pagpapatawad, milya-milyang pasensya, paniniwala, pagtiwala, pag-aasikaso, pag protekta, lahat-lahat na. Binigay ko po buong buhay ko sa kanya."CONTINUE READING BELOWRecommended Videos
She adds, in their seven years of being together, she kept herself from expressing her true feelings and emotions.
"7 na taon po akong bawal magalit, magtampo, masaktan, mabigo, malungkot, madismaya dahil hindi po pwede. Sa dami po ng binigay ko kay Tom, wala na pong natira sa akin. Galit, pride, at ego ko siya na rin po ang kumuha sakin at hinayaan ko naman pong kunin po niya."
2. You don't feel safe to speak up
According to Healthline, if you feel that most of your conversations with your partner are fueled by contempt, criticism, or hostility, then it has become toxic.
"Makakatikim po ako kahit subukan ko pong ipaliwanag sa kanya na nasasaktan niya ako at hindi po tama ang mga ginagawa niya. Paulit-ulit ko pong pinapaalala sa kanya na hindi po ako kalaban at mabuti po ang kalooban at intensyon ko. 7 taon pong naipon sa loob ko lahat yun."
"Gustuhin at kailangan ko man pong ilabas, lubos na nakakatakot po. Ilang beses ko po siyang hinikayat na magpatingin, magpagamot at magpagaling dahil yun din po ang gumana sa akin, pero wala pa rin po," she said.
It can be recalled during Carla and Tom's wedding that Tom admits that he lost his way when his dad passed in 2021. He said Carla helped her found himself. In Carla's vows, she said, she will take care good care of Tom.
"Tinanggap ko pa rin po siya ng walang pagdududa kahit wala pong pagbabago. Hinarap ko po siya sa altar. Buong puso po akong determinadong alagaan ang pagsasama at pagmamahal namin, at panindigan ang mga sinumpaan namin sa harap ng Diyos."ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
"Pinaglaban ko po siya lagpas sa 7 na taon. Kahit po tutuusin wala pa po yung pag like sa iilang comments na yun kumpara po sa nagawa niya sa akin at sa aming lahat, at sa lahat-lahat pa po ng ginawa niya at ginagawa niya."
3. You feel disrespected
If your partner's behavior makes you feel disrespected, it is a red flag.
"Sa lala po ng sakit, pambabastos, panloloko, pandudurog, paninira, panggagamit at pagtataksil po niya, mga tinago niya, napakadali pong ibalik sa kanya sa paraan ng pagganti."
"Pero hindi po ako ganun. Hindi po ako bobo. Hindi po ako lalaban kahit tapak-tapakan na po ako ng husto. Hindi po ako mababaw. Hindi po ako masamang tao. Kung ano po ang nakikita, naririnig at nababasa ninyo online ay kakarampot lang po ng hindi po ninyo nakikita, naririnig at nababasa kapag wala pong kahit anong camerang naka-record. Kapag sarado na po ang pinto sa pamamahay po namin at wala na pong ibang nakakakita."
In the end, Carla wants to clear her name from all the accusations thrown at her.
"Hindi po ako masamang tao tulad ng sinasabi, nararamdaman, naririnig at nakikita po ninyo online sa TV etc. Pinalaki po ako ng nanay at lola ko na marunong rumespeto, umunawa, magmahal, magpatawad, magpasalamat magpakumbaba, at higit sa lahat, may takot po sa Diyos."
How to leave a toxic marriage
Couples are encouraged to communicate and seek help before making the final call. But if one party is hesitant to repair the relationship, then it gets harder.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
According to Very Well Mind, ending toxic relationships is never easy. A toxic marriage can affect one's mental and emotional heath. Carla's speaking up is one of her ways to cope with it.
If you found yourself being in a toxic marriage, here's what you can do to save yourself.
1. Let someone know
If you have been seeing red flags on your partner that make you realize you are no longer in a healthy relationship, then let a trusted family member or a friend know. This way, they can help you process your emotions and think of ways on what you can do next.
If you don't have anyone in mind whom you think can understand you, sometimes, it helps to confide even anonymously in a support group like the Smart Parenting Village.
2. Stop talking to your partner
When you make a decision to leave your partner, stop any form of communication unless you have a child that you have to co-parent. This is because your partner might lure you in again, if you keep on talking to them.
3. Seek professional help
Being in a toxic relationship can take a toll on your mental health and well-being. Recognize that there are people and health professionals who can help you get back on your feet.
As relationship coach Dreus Cosio said in a previous story, “Pwedeng nagkaroon ng broken relationship but you don’t have to be broken when facing it,” explains Dreus. “Pwede mong buuin ulit [ang sarili mo] as an individual. You don’t have to lose yourself.”ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
When is a marriage worth saving? Read here.
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