Ever since we started our #SPConfessions on the SmartParenting.com.ph Facebook page, a lot of moms have written to us anonymously about their parenting hugot. It has become a safe space where they could freely express their thoughts — right or wrong — without the fear of judgment. And when we shared these confessions on our Facebook page, many readers were ready with a word of comfort or encouragement, even if they were not always in agreement with a point made. So when one mom wrote and confessed that she had caught her husband flirting with an old schoolmate on social media, we did not expect any less from our mommy readers — they all jumped in with their strong views!
Here was our post and you'll find below the mom's confession in full:
“I caught my husband flirting with a girl on social media. We had an argument but inamin naman niya [ang] mali niya at nag-sorry. But my point is kung hindi ko pa siya mahuhuli sa cellphone niya, hindi pa niya aaminin.
“It was his old classmate in elementary raw and binibiro lang daw niya. I read their conversation, and I was hurt. A lot.
“We have four kids; one is a 5-month-old baby. He’s an OFW and I’m a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) kaya siguro feeling ko wala rin ako naitutulong sa kanya financially. Feeling ko nasayang lang ang degree ko. Naging mabuti naman siyang tatay pero sa 'kin bilang wife feeling ko hindi niya ako napapahalagahan. Selfish ba ako?”
One even pointed out that this was already emotional cheating. Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth: A Personal Handbook for Recovering from Affairs describes it as "an emotional connection with someone of the opposite sex that you keep a secret from your spouse."
Others urged the mom to talk it out with her husband and tell him how she really feels about what he's done.
Many stay-at-home moms struggle with self-esteem issues — they are caught between the person that they used to be and the person that they’ve become when they chose to be with the kids. They miss the freedom they once had when they were single. They've shared with us how they can think little of themselves and how they feel they have been reduced to being ‘just’ a SAHM, especially if they have a college degree or they used to work. A study even showed that moms who are forced to stay home are most unhappy.
Whether you are a SAHM or a working mom, it's important to practice self-care. Your identity as a woman is just as important as your role as a mom. And one of our mom readers felt that it was important for SAHMs to know their self-worth.
"Huwag kang makuntento lang na ganyan ka kasi masakit kapag umasa ka, nagtiwala ka at iniwan ka. Huwag mong titingnan ang sarili mo ng less of what you deserve. Kailangan natin ng respeto, pag-aalaga, atensiyon, oras, appreciation, at higit sa lahat, pagmamahal."