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'My MIL Knows How To Respect Boundaries,' And What To Do If Your MIL Doesn't
PHOTO BY SHUTTERSTOCK
  • Swerte ka ba sa biyenan mo? 

    Smart Parenting's Facebook group, the Smart Parenting Village, has become an online sounding board for moms and dads regarding their parenting concerns, one of the most common is dealing with their in-laws.

    While some manugangs are doing their best to stay away from their biyenans, some are 'blessed' to have in-laws who are supportive, and are even kinder than their parents!

    In this episode of Smart Parenting's Usap Tayo, two moms from the Smart Parenting Mom Squad face their in-laws and share their experiences on how they keep a harmonious relationship and resolve conflicts.

    Melissa Lozada, a sales manager based in Tarlac, is a young mom of one. She shared, "Kasama ko siya [father-in-law] sa province. I came from Manila nung nabuntis ako, I decided to move there with my partner para buo kami ng family ko."

    Her father-in-law, Johnny Doroja, welcomed her with open arms. "Nung nalaman kong nabuntis ni Justin si Melissa, tanggap ko, ganun naman talaga diba magulang ka eh."

    Melissa shares, "Wala naman kaming issues, nandiyan siya lagi pag may problema ako kay partner, siya po minsan iniiyakan ko, humihingi ako ng advice, at the end of the day siya yung nandiyan para sa akin."

    Johnny said, "Simula nung naging family [sila], kinonsider ko na siyang anak, kaya kung anong ginagawa ko sa dalawa ganun din sa kanya at sa apo ko. Kakampi niya ako 100 percent."

    Debbie Villanueva-Berbenzana, a civil engineer and mom of two kids, only had kind words for her mother-in-law, Cely Berbenzena. "Mas kind pa si MIL kaysa sa own mother ko!"

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    She explains, "Harmonious ang relationship namin because my MIL knows how to respect the boundaries. Di po namin kinailangan na i-set sa kanya na pag ganito wag kayo mangialam, walang ganung nangyari."

    Cely, 68, said, "I'm close with her, but I don't interfere with family affairs."

    She has a tip for in-laws, "Huwag mo silang pakikialaman sa kanilang mga desisyon sa buhay na gusto nilang gawin, para di magkaroon ng hindi pagkakaintindihan."

    How to deal with biyenans

    For those who don't have a good relationship with their in-laws, the moms have these to say.

    1. Respect begets respect

    Melissa shares, "Hindi ko nineneglect yung guidance or yung mga payo niyo sa amin. It's up to us kung susundin namin o kung meron kaming sariling path or decisions in life, it's a matter of choice din sa couple."

    "And if there's a boundary bet you and your son, FIL, MIL, dapat iset aside na yun dahil at the end of the day lahat naman tayo nagmamahalan, and yun naman ang gusto natin."

    2. Start with your partner

    Cely said the secret to having a good relationship with your in-law is when you have a good relationship with your partner.

    "Mag-8 taon na silang nagsasama, hindi kami nagkaroon ng maski na anong misunderstanding. Kasi nga sinasabi ko sa anak ko, kailangang sundin mo yung mga desisyon na ginagawa ninyo, pareho kayo dapat nagkakasundo. Never kaming nagkaron ng issue."

    Debbie adds, "Wala kaming conflict with each other kasi siguro dahil din sa upbringing sa son niya which is yung husband ko, hindi rin kasi kami masyado nagaaway ng husband ko kaya wala ring nangyayaring kampihan kasi maayos pagpapalaki sa husband ko."

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    3. Treat your MIL/FIL as your ally

    Melissa said, "Yung relationship ko with my partner, hindi siya perfect, but nagiging thankful ako sa FIL ko kasi andyan siya, sobrang haba ng pasensya niya sa aming dalawa, kasi in our age, parang di pa talaga kami ready."

    To which FIL said, "Sabi ko kay Mel, habaan yung pasensya para humaba-haba ang samahan nila. Give and take lang."

    4. Respect the wisdom of your elders

    Debbie said, "Especially my MIL, 16 lang siya nag-asawa. Ako 24. In this day and age, medyo bata din ang 24, medyo nag-aaway din kami mag-asawa but kinaya namin dahil sa mga taong naka-support around us."

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