'Kasama Namin Matulog Sa Room Ang MIL Ko': Depressed Mom Asks For Advice For Her Marriage

“The best mother-in-law is the one that lives far, far away,” an anonymous quote about mother-in-law said. 

Although the quote is funny and sarcastic, what would you do if your mother-in-law lived near you, so near that she shares the bed with you and your partner?

In this #SPConfession, where anyone can share their unfiltered struggles, fears, anxieties and pain, a mom cried out her burden of almost four years. 

“Hi mga mamsh, need your advice regarding sa walang privacy namin mag-asawa dahil kasama namin matulog sa room si MIL (mother-in-law). Si husband, nag-wowork sa Manila, once a week lang umuuwi sa province. So once a week lang namin siya nakakasama. During day off niya, dun kami umuuwi sa MIL ko and katabi namin siya matulog,” the burdened mom shared. 

She added a bit of context to the story in the comments section, “My husband come from a broken family, and yung husband ko lang ang married sa kanilang magkakapatid. I do understand na one room lang yung may AC (air conditioner) sa bahay nila kaya nakikitulog ang MIL ko. And there were times also na hindi kami nag-AC pero kasama pa rin namin siya sa room.”

“It’s almost four years nang ganito na setup kapag umuuwi kami sa bahay nila. Kaya kapag may pinag-uusapan kami ni husband, once na pumasok na sa room ang mama niya, hindi na kami makapag-usap ng maayos. Need your advice on this,” she continued. 

Their set-up: Living in two houses

At first, the OP’s #SPConfession is confusing because of their household set-up. Whose house is it? Whose room is it?

She then clarified the details of their set-up, “Hindi namin bahay. Bahay ni MIL. Tatlo 'yung rooms nila, 'yung dalawa rooms para dun sa mga kapatid ni husband na mga single. Tig-isa sila ng room.”

She continued, “Wala po kaming bahay ni husband. Every weekdays, nakatira kami ng mga anak ko sa parents ko, si husband nasa Manila. Dun kasi yung work niya. Kami ng mga kids nasa Pampanga.”

“During weekends (his days off) which is only two days, umuuwi kami dun sa MIL ko, 'yun lang yung time na kasama ko si husband. Ayaw niya kasi na umuuwi sa parents ko dahil hindi niya kasundo si mother ko,” OP said. 
She also added that on days that they are not in MIL’s house, MIL doesn’t sleep in that room, “Pero 'pag weekdays hindi siya dun natutulog, sa sala siya natutulog.”

The struggle: Walang sexy time

If we’re quick to pass judgment and give advice to OP, our first response would be, “Bumukod na kayo,” or “Bahay naman kasi yan ni MIL”.

But OP’s real struggle, we found out after reading her next #SPConfession is: “Hindi pa right yung timing para bumukod. Wala pa kaming budget dahil kakapanganak ko lang and na-NICU din 'yung baby ko, almost 500K ang utang namin right now.”

They can’t afford to live on their own but their set-up is taking a toll on her mental health. She further explained what triggers her the most, “Wala naman problem sa akin if araw-araw ko nakakasama si husband then once a week kasama si MIL sa room, kaya lang hindi ganun eh. Once a week lang talaga kami may alone time.”

“Sad to say, once a week lang umuuwi si husband dahil sa Manila pa nag-wo-work, kami naman nasa province. Yung sexy time—sad to say, 'yung dalawang anak ko, nabuo sila kapag may time lang—kapag gising na yung MIL ko 'pag madaling araw,” she further explained. 

RELATED: 'Sex Is a Whole Day Affair': 7 Kailangang Malaman ng Mag-Asawa Tungkol sa 'Great Sex'

On the other hand, her husband is not in good terms with her own mother, “Need pa namin umuwi sa house ni MIL para makasama si husband. Ayaw kasi umuwi ng husband ko sa parents ko pag day off niya. Pero dito sa house ng parents ko may sarili kaming room.”

How she feels: 'Hindi talaga ako okay'

In #SPConfessions, advice is welcome but sometimes, just the feeling of knowing that someone is listening to you is already comforting. 

The OP shared how she really feels about their set-up, “Kung pwede lang talaga [bumukod]. Ang hirap talaga hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko, ang tagal na din, four years na. Kung hindi kami uuwi kasi dun tuwing off ni husband, hindi niya naman makakasama mga kids niya.” 

RELATED: Define Stress-Free Life. Isa Sa Mga Sagot Ng Moms, 'Bumukod Ka'

“Ayun, ako right now, hindi talaga ako okay. Lagi ko iniisip yan. Hindi ko na din alam yung identity ko and parang nawalan na ko ng confidence sa sarili ko. Seven months palang yung bunso ko,” she added.

She also thought of convincing her husband to do something about it, but she thinks it’s a hopeless case, “Imposible na mangyari yun na umuwi siya samin. Kaysa sa naiistress pa ako na pilitin sya na umuwi sa parents’ house ko, inaccept ko na lang na ganun talaga.”

OP also shared that she is clinically diagnosed with anxiety/depression, “Yun nga lang, parang nakakababa ng self-esteem yung ganito? Yung ayun nga, magtitiis kahit uncomfortable. Hindi ko na din alam ano nararamdaman ko lalo na kakapanganak ko pa lang. And I am clinically diagnosed din with anxiety/depression.”

She shared how her husband stands in all these and said, “Nag-assume daw siya na okay lang sakin kasi daw wala naman ako sinasabi sa kanya na hindi kami comfortable. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, siguro okay lang sa kanya na kasama yung MIL sa room dahil hinayaan niya lang na ganun.”

What would you advise? 

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This story was edited for spelling, punctuation, grammar, and formatting.