‘Hindi Importante Ang Singsing,’ Parents Weigh In On That Viral Engagement Ring Post

In case you missed it, a Facebook post went viral over the weekend: an anonymous woman shared her sentiments and asked for advice about whether she should feel bad about receiving a 299-peso engagement ring from her boyfriend of 8 years. The post reads:

“My boyfriend of 8 years has just proposed to me. But na-gui-guilty ako kasi, I am upset due to the fact na the engagement ring only cost 299.

“Ganito lang ba kababa iyung halaga ko sa kanya na hindi man lang niya pinag-ipunan pambili ng ring? Or hindi ko ba dapat i-big deal? Am I too immature to feel this way?

“Hindi niya alam na nakita ko iyung ring na binili niya sa Shopee. Ignore ko nalang ba itong na-fe-feel ko? Or should I confront him, kaso ayaw ko din naman masira iyung moment.”

What does an engagement ring stand for?

The tradition of a man presenting an engagement ring to the woman he intends to marry is largely popular in Western and European countries, and if social media posts are any basis, is also becoming popular here. Sources say that engagement rings show a man’s willingness to make a long-term commitment to a woman. It can symbolize love, commitment, and a promise of marriage. At the same, there is also a “long-standing cultural tradition” that suggests prospective grooms should spend two to three months’ salary on an engagement ring.

But in this time of post-pandemic hardships-bad economy, never-ending coughs and colds among others, and love woes–breakups of long-term relationships and cheating stories, where exactly does an engagement ring stand?

What other parents and couples say

We asked members of the Smart Parenting Village for their opinions on the post, and here are some of their comments:

“Kung i-aapply ko siya sa buhay ko, may kakayahan bumili ng mamahaling singsing ang asawa ko pero bibigyan niya ako ng tig-299 na engagement ring, tatanggapin ko. Kasi hindi naman mahalaga sa akin ang worth ng ring, mas mahalaga sa akin iyung kakayahan niya magtaguyod ng pamilya. Kapag nagutom iyung pamilya namin, hindi naman namin makakain ang singsing. Sa loob ng 8 years na relationship, makikita mo at makikilala mo na iyung guy. From there, majujudge mo na siya kung siya na ba ang gusto mo makasama habang buhay at makikita mo kung anong buhay ang kakaharapin mo kasama siya. Hindi importante ang presyo ng singsing. Kasi may nagpapakasal na million ang ginagastos pero naghihiwalay. After all, mas mahalaga pa rin kung paano kayo magiging team para sa bubuoin niyong pamilya.”

“From the perspective of someone who just got married and didn’t give any expensive engagement ring to my wife (just an heirloom engagement ring from my mom) is that engagement rings will soon be forgotten and not used at all, but it’s what you build prior to and after the wedding that matters. Build a house (or buy one). Build good habits so you can be a good spouse. Build an efficient and effective way of communicating with your spouse so you don’t have to go to social media to try to understand your partner. Have shared hobbies and values so you find meaning in everyday life and not just in sex. These are more essential rather than the price of the engagement ring.”

“I’m basing my answer on what the girl wrote in her post. To me, she sounded conflicted because she wanted to be grateful, but she was unhappy because she felt undervalued. The price and the place he bought it from was just her way of expressing how she felt because she didn’t know how else to describe the fact na she didn’t like the ring. To me, a ‘cheap’ ring isn’t cheap if it’s well thought out. If there was a hidden [or sentimental] meaning to the ring, like she mentioned she liked it when they first started dating. But what’s missing is the guy’s side–he didn’t tell her anything about the ring. He didn’t tell her why he bought the said ring, if it’s a promise ring, a temporary engagement ring, or really the actual one. It shows the guy doesn’t know his partner at all. If I received a ring like this, honestly, I’ll say no. It’s not that the price is too low. If I’m marrying someone, I’d expect him to know me and know that I’m a sentimental person who likes unique things. I want something that looks different but means something for both of us, not something that can easily be found on any website. The price doesn’t matter, the ring symbolizes his commitment and loyalty to our relationship. If he can’t even choose a ring that I’d like, how can I expect him to be committed to me for a lifetime?”

“We cannot invalidate the girl’s feelings. And while we don’t know their backgrounds, siguro naman alam na ni girl kung capable ba si guy bumili ng mas mahal na engagement ring since they’ve been together for 8 years. If he’s capable, siguro naman okay lang ma-disappoint si girl. 8 years sila. Deserve naman ang may effort na proposal kahit paaano. It’s not about the price of the ring, it’s about the effort, the preparation and his readiness. Pero if hindi talaga capable si guy, then dapat alam din iyun ni girl and dapat tanggap na niya at wala siyang gaanong expectations.”

“Ideally you know how to make each other feel valued. Know each others’ priorities. Know each others’ limitations. And work on what you have and what you can do together. Decisions you do together during the engagement and wedding preparation stage will help in your future married life.” - Dreus Cosio

Of course, the Smart Parenting team could not help but voice out their own opinions as well:

Smart Parenting Editor-at-Large, Rica Peralejo-Bonifacio posted a TikTok about it wherein she says that the girl’s feelings are valid but also acknowledges that we don’t know the guy’s reason behind the said ring. Her point revolves around money habits, which she says is contextual, “there’s a reason why you spend the way you spend.” So one partner’s pagtitipid in terms of spending for the other doesn’t necessarily equate to him not valuing the other person, it could mean that he’s being practical and that’s just the way he is. She then emphasizes that “the engagement and the wedding is not the largest part of being together as a married couple,” and that couples should better prepare for their life after the wedding.

Editor Judy Santiago-Aladin says, “It’s not about the ring but the intention of the guy to marry you and fulfill the promises that come with marriage. He could get you a P1M ring but cheat on you in your first year, or a P299 ring and be married for 50 years or more. As partners for 8 years, you are the best person to know why he would buy you a ring from Shopee. Finally, payong kapatid, don’t ever measure your value and worth based on any material thing.”

Couple and members of Smart Parenting Squad Dreus and Love Cosio also shared their takes. For Dreus, it depends on the couple’s relationship: “Nag-propose ako sa wife ko with a ring not too costly pero hindi naman cheap. I don’t have a fat bank account to buy an expensive one. If meron funds during that time gagawin ko. Basta pasok sa budget kasi higher goal namin ang financial goals for our marriage. Kaya iyung word is financial goal ‘namin’ not financial goal ‘ko.’ Kasi nag-uusap kami and we know each other’s capacity. Important is she is willing to ride and journey sa proposal ko to have a life together. Grateful dahil alam ko willing siya kahit magsimula sa wala basta lahat kikilos for our family. Ma-reach iyung goals as married couple. Pero hindi rin ako bumili ng cheap dahil alam ko how engagement is also valuable to her. I know what will make my partner feel happy, loved, and valued without breaking the budget. Alam ko mas gusto niya food and pasyal kaysa flowers, kaya sa engagement binigay ko rin iyung alam ko na okay sa kanya.

“Ideally you know how to make each other feel valued. Know each others’ priorities. Know each others’ limitations. And work on what you have and what you can do together. Decisions you do together during the engagement and wedding preparation stage will help in your future married life.”

His wife, Love, highlighted three points: “(1) Trust is the bedrock of all relationships. I guess the guy trusted the woman enough that she will accept the ring enveloped with his love. More than a sign of love, it’s his intention and purity of marriage. Sad to say, iba naging reaction. The girl naman, trusted the guy enough that she will be treated with a better ring kasi naman once in a lifetime lang iyun. By the way, good researcher si ate to find the correct ring sa Shopee. (2) The sad reality of comparing yourself to that of social media accounts. If there’s no social media or false expectations of what an engagement proposal ‘should’ be, siguro hindi makikita ni girl na 299 nga lang iyung ring. Hindi na rin nila ibbroadcast sa social media iyung reply nila at mag-uusap sila in private. (3) No regrets–both of them learned from this. For the girl, bahay muna bago kapitbahay, karelasyon bago broadcast sa social media. Quick to judge mga tao pero hindi naman kasama sa relationship. For the guy, may expectations to provide not just the needs but also the wants.

“I guess, any celebrity who had the biggest cut of diamond but ended up with a broken marriage would say, ‘Girl, better yan than a cheater.’ As for the guy, kung mahal niya talaga, ipaglalaban niya. Hindi ibbroadcast din iyung reply sa social media. Kasi nagkasiraan sila. Mahirap na ipatch up iyan.”

Other team members say:

“Naku, kung ngayon palang nagrereklamo ka na sa 299, paano pa in the long run? Eh ang buhay mag-asawa, minsan afford mag-bongga, minsan 299 lang ang kaya ng budget. Or malay mo parang prank, na 299 muna to test kung anong reaction niya tapos magbibigay later on ng mas maganda diba. Buti nalang talaga ngayon palang nagka-alaman na.”

Christine Ongteco-Sandejas shares, “I didn’t get one [an engagement ring]! I already had my own diamond jewelry collection at that time. We were together for around 5 years and we agreed to get married pabiro over text. He has given me diamond rings after we got married but I never felt na tinipid niya ako or bakit wala during that time. I guess if you know each other well, you can feel whether something is natural or off. 11 years together this year!”

It's different for Tiffany Reyes, who admits, “Ako kasi conflicted. I got a silver engagement ring, to my dismay din syempre. But he bought me a gadget na worth 15k. HIndi marunong sa jewelry as investment ang lolo mo. Not because I’m materialistic, but I felt sayang pera sa gadget, sana maayos na ring nalang haha. To make up for it, he bought me an eternity ring nung 10th anniversary naman, gold na may stones.”

For Iza Santos-Cuyos, it's the memory associated with the ring: “I got a gold interwoven eternity ring, with small diamonds all over–I don’t know how much it costs, but he gave me the authenticity card. It’s not your traditional engagement ring with a big diamond, but he knows I like it slim and dainty for everyday wear. Also, it was the engagement story that made it memorable (he flew from Dubai to HK to surprise me!) more than anything else.”

"It’s not what the actual item is or its cost but what it represents to the couple. It should represent the couple’s journey and their unwavering commitment to each other. Because the minute that commitment is broken, then its value is lost."

It’s not the ring

It seems that the main reason for the post’s virality is because it reminded people of their own engagement experience and what it represents. Personally, I received a simple engagement ring from my husband–something I didn’t expect at the time because we were already making plans to marry (we were 6 years into the relationship). But that simple engagement ring that he proposed to me with while we were on a beach vacation made me realize the lengths he would go to for me (and ergo, us) more than the amount he spent for it. The effort he spent saving up, looking for one, trying to get my ring size, and ultimately buying it and presenting it to me. His intention to take our relationship to the next level. I see all that everytime I see and wear that ring.

Of course, considering all the generational and cultural shifts happening these days, couples who intend to marry are not limiting themselves to diamonds or rings to symbolize their commitment to each other. Some opted to use their birthstones, to make it more personal. Some women gifted their husbands-to-be with “engagement watches.” Others went the more practical route and used an “engagement” house and lot (fully paid of course, and ready for occupancy after the wedding). Perhaps this is where the engagement ring (and other items) stand these days–it’s not what the actual item is or its cost but what it represents to the couple. It should represent the couple’s journey and their unwavering commitment to each other. Because the minute that commitment is broken, then its value is lost.

In that sense, engagement rings or items are not exactly a necessity. What’s more important is that the couple is on the same page–about their engagement and their future.

Ultimately, it’s not the engagement ring, watch, or house and lot that makes a marriage or partnership successful. It lies in the couple’s continuing choice to love each other and unwavering commitment to each other despite any challenges that come their way.