#SPConfessions: ‘My Husband Records Our Sex Without My Consent’

This story is based on a true #SPConfessions sent to us at Smart Parenting Village. Some details have been slightly altered to protect the sender's identity, and some quotes have also been edited for clarity.

‘My mother died recently and whenever may away kaming mag-asawa, sa kaniya ako naglalabas ng sama ng loob. Aside from the fact that I’m still grieving, nahuli ko 'yung asawa ko recording our lovemaking without my consent! Ginawa niya na yan before and I told him, no, ayoko. 

He tried hiding his cellphone pero nakita ko. And he even lied to my face. I asked why is there a need to video, hindi naman siya deprived. Ang reason niya, para daw ‘pag magkalayo kami, may napapanood sya. What the heck! I work-from-home at hindi naman kami nagta-travel, wala kaming balak mag-abroad! So instead na kinabukasan namin atupagin nya, ang laman ng kokote niya is porn?

I’m more than disgusted! I feel violated. Pakiramdam ko, walang wala na akong kinabukasan sa kanya. I have been the breadwinner for years, wala pa siyang one year sa work, mas mababa pa ang sweldo sa akin.

'Umiiyak ako kasi ilang beses naulit yun until yun nga, nag-sumbong na ako kasi nga pagod ka na nga, bababuyin ka pa sa oras ng pahinga mo.'

This is not the first offense. Lumapit na ako sa DSWD years ago. I worked sa call center noon, so tulog ako sa umaga. While having my much needed sleep, he would play and fondle my vagina with the hope na ma-turn on ako when I do not want to be disturbed. Umiiyak ako kasi ilang beses naulit yun until yun nga, nag-sumbong na ako kasi nga pagod ka na nga, bababuyin ka pa sa oras ng pahinga mo.

Puwera pa ‘yung occasional na unwanted touch. Yung pillow talk lang kami biglang nakadakma na kahit hindi naman doon ‘yung usapan. Kapag nag-uusap kami, I would open about future plans, siya parating ambag niya is about sex. Ang sakit lang sa loob… Paulit-ulit…

Hindi ko alam kung lalapit uli sa DSWD or sa psychologist, sa pastor… Ginawa ko na lahat ‘yan noon pero talagang repeat offender. At oo nagdasal na ako, pero walang-wala akong malapitan, masama lang talaga loob ko.’

Expert advice from a sex therapist

Smart Parenting brought this confession to Dr. Rica Cruz, sex therapist, CEO and founder of Unprude, and Smart Parenting Board of Experts member since 2022. Here’s her expert advice for the anonymous wife:

“This person must understand that this is a serious violation of her trust and personal boundaries. And it has legal and emotional consequences. So whatever it is that she’s feeling, it’s valid. I would suggest that she prioritize her safety because it is very obvious that her husband does not care about her safety because he is the one violating her safety. So for these types of circumstances, it’s important that she has somewhere to go and she has an emergency safe space with her friends or her family if it ever escalates or if she ever wants to separate from the situation. Because the situation here is her husband.”

She adds, “It’s also obvious that her husband does not respect her and only sees her as an object, so that in itself is already a question for her, on why is she still staying in the marriage. Husband’s behavior can be categorized under voyeuristic disorder so this kind of paraphilic disorder must experience persistent and intense sexual arousal from the fantasy or act of watching unsuspecting people who are naked, disrobed, or sexually active for at least six months. So these people are like peeping toms or ‘yung tinatawag natin na mamboboso, and some of them might actually record these activities for later viewing.”

“There’s no particular cause that determines why a person has voyeuristic disorder or is a voyeur however there are certain risk factors involved including substance abuse, sexual abuse, trauma, and maybe being hypersexualized or hypersexuality. But these are just risk factors,” says Dr. Cruz.

She ends her advice to focus on anonymous poster. “Let’s not talk about the guy, let’s talk about the woman. I really think she needs to put herself to safety because the husband has been doing this for quite a while now and this isn’t the first time. He will do it repeatedly. So this will happen again. And like I previously said, I don’t think this guy respects her or sees her as a partner or as a wife. I think he just sees her as just an object for his lust or his desire.”

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