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  • You Deserve Some Alone Time, Moms! 5 Ways To Tell Your Partner You Need A Break

    Tip #1: Open and honest communication is key.
    by Kate Borbon .
You Deserve Some Alone Time, Moms! 5 Ways To Tell Your Partner You Need A Break
PHOTO BY iStock
  • Nowadays, it still seems as if many moms find it difficult to get the alone time they need, maybe because they suffer from mom guilt, struggle with their duties, or don’t know how to ask for it. But you need that, moms: Self-care should be a necessity, not a luxury.

    Here are some tips to try if you want to tell your partner when you need alone time:

    1. Communicate with him honestly and openly.

    When we asked moms in our Smart Parenting Village Facebook group how they let their partners know when they need alone time, many wrote that they practice open and honest communication, saying it works better than giving non-verbal cues since it lets them voice out their needs. “Mas naging maganda samahan namin nung [natuto] akong maging assertive kesa magbigay ng mga clues,” mom Mier Adi shared.

    2. Explain what “alone time” means for you.

    Talia Wagner, a marriage and family therapist, tells HuffPost that one way to be successful in telling your partner you need alone time is to give him the ability to see what alone time means to you. In other words, it could help to tell him what you intend to do during your alone time.

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    For example, for some SPV moms, alone time means going to the grocery alone, going to the salon, or watching their favorite K-drama. You might find that the next time you bring up your desire to do that activity, your partner will immediately understand what you mean!

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    3. Mind how you phrase your request.

    Communicating effectively also involves being careful about your words and tone. Wagner advises asking nicely and stressing that alone time is something you need and will benefit from, instead of saying it in an accusatory tone.

    Mom Maniya Batad’s technique is to tell her husband about the research she read on how moms can stay sane amid the responsibilities of parenthood, then follow that up by saying, “Sweetheart, siguro kailangan ko rin ng Mommy’s day out para maka-relax naman ako” and give him a kiss and hug. This trick might work for you, too!

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    4. Remind him you love him.

    Psychologist Lee Land tells HuffPost that some people might interpret their partner’s desire for alone time as a sign that there’s something wrong in their relationship. One way to gauge how your partner might respond to you wanting alone time is to determine his attachment style.

    According to a previous SmartParenting.com.ph article, there are three main attachment styles: secure (people who are trusting and able to give their partner space without feeling threatened), resistant or anxious (people who find it hard to trust others and tend to be intrusive and controlling of their partners), and avoidant (people who focus on the happy aspects of the relationship but refuse to acknowledge the difficult parts). This online quiz can help you determine what your attachment style is.

    If your partner has a secure attachment style, great! But if he has a resistant or anxious attachment style, remember to emphasize that your desire for alone time does not necessarily mean there’s something wrong in your relationship or that you don’t love him anymore.

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    5. Learn how to compromise.

    Compromise is vital in any relationship; it can’t just be one person’s needs and wants being met all the time. For example, mom Armi Ilao said that days before she tells her husband she needs some alone time, she lets him relax with his friends. This would then help her receive her husband’s permission to have alone time.

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