Don't Kiss The Baby, Ask Permission To Post On SocMed: Etiquette Rules For Visiting New Moms And Newborns

Maybe it’s the first baby in the family after a long time, or your bestie’s decision to finally grow her family after focusing on her career all these years. In any case, you’re brimming with excitement over visiting a newborn. Find out 8 Do’s and Don’ts for maintaining your etiquette with new moms and newborns. 

Do's and don'ts for visitng new moms and newborns

1. DON’T visit unannounced.

It might be tempting to surprise the newest mama and baby on the block, but before you start knocking down doors of hospital rooms, think about the repercussions on the mother who’s still on post-partum recovery. Instead of coming unannounced, send a quick message to ask if it’s okay to visit and when the most convenient time would be. Avoid calling so you don’t wake them in case they’re sleeping. 

2. DON’T visit if you’re sick.

In a post-pandemic era, this next one should go without saying. If you have the sniffles or were sick recently, hold off on visiting until you’re completely recovered. Instead, arrange for a video call at a convenient time to meet the newest addition to the family (or barkada baby club). 

3. DON’T come empty-handed.

Flowers are nice, but to really show your appreciation for new moms and newborns, ask what they specifically need. For instance, a nice meal from the new mama’s favorite restaurant (like a sushi tray, to satisfy her cravings after nine months) will go a long way. On occasion, especially if you know the new parents are short on help, you won't even need to ask. A meal, whether hot or frozen, is surely the way to a new mom’s heart. Plus points if you’re bringing food that’s breastfeeding-friendly or promotes lactation. 

'Some unspoken rules may not even seem straightforward. It’s never one’s intention to impose, but it always helps to be sensitive to the needs of a new mother and her bundle of joy.'

You can also bring practical newborn essentials the new parents might have missed out on like swaddle blankets or disposables that run out easily like diapers. If you’re visiting them at the hospital, try not to give them too much so they don’t have to worry about lugging around extra baggage. Whatever you end up bringing, if you want to mind your manners, don’t just bring yourself. 

4. DO leave the kids at home.

When visiting a new mom and newborn, it’s tempting to want to have the new ates and kuyas tag along. But the new family may not be so welcoming or ready. Avoid putting everyone on the spot by leaving your children at home. If your young child might need help regulating herself, you may opt to ask the new parents if it's okay that they come along depending on the closeness of your relationship. You can also wait for when the newborn is a bit older, not as fragile, and the new parents are more confident. 

5. DON’T kiss the baby.

It’s easy to catch baby fever—they're so cute and irresistible, you might literally want to eat them all up. But before you reach out and smother them with smooches, remember that the immune system of a newborn isn’t as strong as yours and you could possibly pass on germs from a potential cold that hasn’t set in yet.   

In addition to keeping the kisses at bay, wait for the new mom to ask if you want to hold the baby. And if they get fussy in your arms, don’t try to be a hero and calm bunso. Gently return him to his mama to avoid any additional discomfort from baby or parent. The last thing a new mom needs is to see her baby cry from a distance. 

6. DO wash your hands.

Whether or not a new mom asks if you want to hold the baby, when visiting, always make sure you are clean and germ-free. Wash your hands upon entering their home or hospital room. Speaking of hospitals, wear a mask as an added layer of protection when around or carrying newborns. You may also offer to take your shoes off if you’re visiting them at home. Bottom line, be respectful. 

RELATED: Don't Be Afraid to Ask Guests to Stop Kissing Your Newborn

7. DO ask permission to post on social media.

Under no circumstance is it okay to announce the arrival of a newborn unless it’s your own. As a matter of fact, ask first before snapping a photo. This rule applies especially to those parents who aren’t on social media. In the case of new moms and newborns, sharing (on your feed) is definitely not caring. 

8. DO speak softly.

It’s easy to swoon and squeal over a new baby, but before you let your excitement get the better of you, keep speaking volumes down. New parents are already strung out from the recent events (childbirth, sleepless nights, their new lives basically) so speak quietly and calmly to avoid adding additional stimulation. Of course, if baby is sleeping, you may want to forgo chit chat altogether and wait until he wakes up.  

9. DON’T offer unsolicited advice.

Childbirth is a momentous occasion and a milestone that you look back on with fondness and a sense of pride. However, when visiting a new mom and her newborn, resist the urge to “one up” her labor and delivery experience with details of your own. Instead, lend a listening ear by asking questions about how she’s doing or how her delivery went. Sometimes, a big emotional dump of feelings, anxieties, and experiences is what the doctor ordered. 

10. DO keep your visit short.

When it comes to visiting the proud new mom and her little pea, short and sweet is key. Remember that she’s still in recovery. Hours of labor, sleep deprivation, and just being generally overwhelmed with the entire birthing experience is exhausting. Be considerate and keep your visit short—30 minutes tops. When you are there, offer to help in a specific way, even if it’s as simple as clearing the table or drawing the blinds when it’s naptime. Small acts of service go a long way. Just remember that whatever you do to help, unless asked, don’t overstay. 

11. DO follow the mom's lead.

The most important rule of all is this—when in doubt, let the new mom figure it out. Whether it’s not accepting visitors or opinions on the baby’s name, take cues from mama on when to offer your assistance (words of motherly wisdom included) and when to back off. Giving birth is a meaningful, transformative experience so allow the new mom to go through every moment without raining on her motherhood parade.

12. DO remember them in the months after birth.

Most people jump at the first chance to meet the new baby shortly after D-day. But as weeks fade into months, so do the excitement and eagerness to see the little miss or mister. Show the new mama you genuinely care for her and baby by extending support even long after she’s given birth. Consider video calls or sending small presents like nappies or cupcakes to celebrate “baby monthsaries.” Don’t let your relationship with your new niece or nephew come to an end just because the new baby high has worn off. 

For someone on the outside looking in, it’s easy to overlook basic etiquette for new moms and newborns. Some unspoken rules may not even seem straightforward. It’s never one’s intention to impose, but it always helps to be sensitive to the needs of a new mother and her bundle of joy. If all else fails, remember the golden rule: do unto other new moms what you would have them do to you.