What To Do When You See A Mom And Child With Autism Struggling

Imagine you're enjoying your day in the mall with your family. Then you notice a parent struggling to calm their child who looks like they are having a tantrum or perhaps a meltdown. You want to help, but you don't know how. Should you step in or walk away? How can you show support without overstepping boundaries?

This was the sentiment of a mom who posted anonymously on Smart Parenting Village, a Facebook community of over 110,000 moms and dads. She shared her recent experience witnessing a mother with a child who appeared to be on the Autism spectrum.

She began her post with a confession, "Hello, mommies. I couldn't get this off my chest."

The mom recounted seeing a mother with her child in Taguig. She wasn't sure whether the child had autism or Down syndrome, but what stood out to her was how much the mom was struggling.

"The mom was really having a hard time calming her child. I wanted to help but I don't know how. My mommy heart was so heavy, I wanted to hug the mom," she shared.

She continued, "I don't even know how to approach her. I don't know if there's a boundary I need to be aware of. Please enlighten me."

She ended her post saying, "I'm praying for all moms who are in this situation. God made you with a purpose."

What is a meltdown?

A meltdown happens when a child or a Person with Autism responds to overwhelm or distress. During a meltdown, they may lose control of their body and reactions, sometimes displaying verbal or physical aggression toward people or objects.

A meltdown may look like:

• Crying, wailing, screaming

• Throwing or breaking objects

• Flapping, pacing, or withdrawing

• Clenching teeth, zoning out

• Running away (eloping)

• Hitting, biting, kicking (self, objects, or others)

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• Intense stimming (rocking, vocal sounds, muscle tensing)

How you can help Ausome parents during meltdowns

In the comments section, the anonymous mom received praise for her genuine concern. A couple of ausome parents shared how they wanted to be approached.

1. Smile, don't stare.

Mommy Jen shared that she appreciates small gestures like a smile. It reassures her that she is surrounded by understanding people.

"Better din if wag na titigan and hayaan nalang kami at unawain kasi stressed na rin kami," she added, explaining that sometimes a meltdown can last for hours.

2. Offer help from a safe distance.

Mommy Hannah acknowledged that situations like these can be intimidating, confusing, and scary for some. She suggested offering help from a safe and respectful distance, preserving their dignity without making them feel pitied. "A simple "Is there anything I can do?" or even eye contact with a reasurring nod can mean the world to a struggling parent," she said.

Mommy Glaiza emphasized keeping a safe distance from the child. "Sometimes, it's a trigger to them if an unfamiliar face is near them," she explained. "You can also speak up and tell bystanders to let the moment pass."

If possible, offering practical help like picking up something that may have fallen can make a big difference. "These small but thoughtful actions can ease the weight of the moment without making us feel like a spectacle," Mommy Hannah wrote.

3. Create a safe space.

During meltdowns, many mons said what they need most is a safe space where their child can calm down at their own pace. "You don't have to meddle, make your presence calm, and let them do what they need to do,"  Mommy Farrah explains. She suggested that if a meltdown happens suddenly in a public place, one could help by guiding the mom and child to a quieter spot.

"Or just stand beside the mom and assure her, 'It's okay. Dito ako sa side. If you need help, let me know.'" She also reminded to trust the parent and avoid drawing attention to the situation.  

4. Educate others.

Aside from seeking advice, the anonymous mom shared how she educated her 7-year-old daughter about children with Autism. Together, they watched vlogs about Ausome children, which somehow enlightened her.

In a 2019 Smart Parenting article, Diane, a mom of two sons with Autism said another way to educate ourselves about Autism is by asking the parents themselves. "Don't be afraid to ask specific questions because by knowing more about my children, that means you will make fewer assumptions and you will not pass judgement."

For those looking to learn more, check out this list of TV shows featuring Persons with Autism that you can watch with the whole family, as well as Autism content creators that you can follow.

What Ausome parents don't need

Moms were clear about what they don't need from other people: judging looks and stares, side eyes, and unsolicited parenting advice. 

As Mommy Hannah said, "Families like ours already feel isolated because of the unique challenges we navigate daily. Our struggles are hard to explain—something you can only truly understand if you've been there."

These moms say that what they truly need is understanding, kindness, and compassion during vulnerable moments—which are totally free. Sharing this article could help raise awareness, and it doesn't cost you anything, either.

Read this story of a couple who has three children who were all diagnosed with Autism here.