Dani Barretto: Giving Back To Your Parents Is Not The Same As Giving Out Of Utang Na Loob

In an episode of Dani Barretto's podcast, Bare It All, she spoke with video content creator Chardie B. about the difference between utang na loob and giving back.

Chardie B. talked about his childhood in the province, where both his parents worked as farmers. He views his challenging upbringing as the driving force behind his aspirations for a better life.

When his sister got sick when he was 18, it prompted him to put his college education on hold, and step up as the breadwinner of his family by working in the BPO industry. His father was then working as a habal-habal driver. However, Chardie said, it was his choice to be his family's provider since.

Dani affirmed that Chardie's decision to let his parents stop working already. "It's about time na, if we could take a bit of their struggle, and make them rest a bit, we would eh, as kids."

Dani, who has four siblings, shared that they would spoil their mom Marjorie by providing her needs and wants, may it be a new mattress or a kitchen appliance, "Kasi, parang, if there's even the littlest of ways to give back to our parents who we know have done everything for us, we would always make ways to give back."

Dani Barretto on giving back vs. giving out of utang na loob

However, Dani stressed that there's a toxic Filipino mentality wherein breadwinners are left with no choice.

Chardie admitted that there was a time when the only time his parents would contact him was when they would ask him when he would be sending them money. Nevertheless, he stressed the importance of having open communication and setting boundaries with parents, "Hindi kasi pwedeng just because you are the breadwinner, imi-milk nila lahat. Kasi if you are not rewarding yourself for all the hard work that you did, you will not have the motivation to work."

He added, "Kailangan ko alagaan yung sarili ko kasi ako yung mismong puhunan ko."

Dani also highlighted the importance of rewarding yourself for your hard work so that you will never feel that you've given everything, and didn't leave anything for yourself.

They then delved deeper into the concept of utang na loob, saying some people they know were pushed to give back to their parents, but out of utang na loob. Dani explained, "Our parents raised us because the Bible says, and legally, they are really supposed to care for you, to put you to school, to put roof over your head, to feed you, that's what every parent is supposed to do."

She added, "Yung utang na loob na factor is hindi ka pwedeng magkaroon ng utang na loob sa isang bagay na dapat nilang gawin para sayo. The other things maybe, like let’s say they sacrificed this to be able to give you this life. I get the utang na loob na factor. But kasi there are some people that uses that against people parang, 'Pina-aral kita, pina-ganito kita, ganyan ganyan, so dapat eto yung binibigay mo sa akin.' And I always say, that your parent is always gonna be your parent. Di mawawala yung pagmamahal at respeto mo sa pamilya mo eh. But for me, that line is like, goes beyond it. Na parang, 'What? You’re my parent, you’re supposed to do that.'

"Gets ko yung giving back sa parents, pero there comes a point na 'pag wala nang natitira sayo, dun na may mali, eh."  —Dani Barretto

A mom of one, Dani strives to change the narrative for her daughter Millie, "Like ako, I’m a mom now, I can say that I’m required to give my kid the life that she deserves right now until she’s able to do it on her own. 'Di ba? But not forever. I can’t require my kid, let’s say when she has her own family, I can’t require my kid na, 'Kailangan mo ako bigyan ng allowance kasi pinaaral kita.' Parang, at one point, you have to fly."

"And the kid didn't ask to be born, 'di ba? It was your decision," Chardie added.

Dani Barretto, Chardie B.'s message to breadwinners

Chardie B. and Dani both said that their goals now include going back to school. Dani, like Chardie, had to choose work over studies when they were younger, just like her sister, Julia Barretto.

Dani continued, "Siguro let’s just boost a little bit of confidence sa mga tao that [sic] are still afraid to speak up. There’s nothing wrong with giving back to your parents. I am for that, okay? Like, I will give anything for my mom, like, ibibigay ko lahat. So, gets ko yung giving back sa parents, pero there comes a point na 'pag wala nang natitira sayo, dun na may mali, eh. So parang gusto ko sanang ma-explain natin sa tao na, it’s okay to leave something for yourself. You’re supposed to leave something for yourself. Siguro for sanity, 'di ba?"

They left this piece of advice to breadwinners: "Wag mo ubusin yung sarili mo trying to help everybody, trying to make everybody happy. Isipin mo na you are also deserving of love, care, and respect, and if you don't have it for yourself, it's such a sad place to be na, you are everything to everyone but you are nothing to yourself. Mag-iwan ka para sa sarili."

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